Procrastination. The National Pastime. More popular than basketball, football, baseball, hockey AND Jai ali. The sport takes place in offices, schools, playgrounds, stores and even hovels across the nation every day. The sport works like this. The one that holds off the longest before doing important things wins. The only reason this hasn't become … Continue reading Procrastination Friday Giftures
Humor
Pokemon Go Away
Back in 1998, I was a recent grad from college, working at my dream job of telemarketer, and I would get super bored between calls. Luckily, I had a Nintendo Game Boy and I had discovered this new game called Pokemon. It captured my imagination, because it was about being a 10 year old. A … Continue reading Pokemon Go Away
Not all who wander are lost
About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I was in the mall trying to sell some books that we were trying to get rid of at Half Price Book Store. I gave them two boxes, and they told me to give them a half hour and they would give me the price they would pay. So … Continue reading Not all who wander are lost
Dancing with the Comets Friday Giftures
Just when you thought Dancing with the Stars was running out of low level"talent" for their popular show, they resurrected themselves by finding and even less talented pool of people to mine new dancers from. They decided to spin off the show and call it Dancing with the Comets. Comets are people so barely … Continue reading Dancing with the Comets Friday Giftures
The Weapons of The Introvert
I imagine being an extrovert can be a pretty bitter and exhaustingly hard job. You are always on the offensive, trying to hunt down people to interact with, to way overtalk with; like a mosquito trying for its next human arm fix. Though somehow I'm sure even the hunt for other people is energizing to … Continue reading The Weapons of The Introvert
Weeds are more successful than me
I've always taken great pride in being really bad at things. I joke about how bad I am at math, but it really is amazing how I can't even help my 6th grade daughter with her homework. She isn't even to Algebra yet. I think it's humorous how bad I am at fixing things … Continue reading Weeds are more successful than me
Bendepence Day
The big summer holiday around these parts is July 4th, or as us Amuricans call it, "Independence Day". It's based around a war between US (or us) and some other country and it was all about who could have the biggest fireworks displays. Whoever won got to keep ownership over the Boston Starbucks Harbor and … Continue reading Bendepence Day
I Spy with my Bitter Eye something Friday Giftures
When we were young, we went on road trips for our vacations, because we liked cramming 7 people in a van and trying to get to know each other more. At least the rest of the family did. I preferred to fly first class to exotic locations like Paris, Japan, Australia, Hawaii and Indonesia. Unfortunately, … Continue reading I Spy with my Bitter Eye something Friday Giftures
The Purge
I don't know about all you, but I was pretty popular in high school. I had loads of friends(two) and among them I was like the comedian/athlete meaning I really liked telling knock knock jokes and it only took me 15 minutes to run the mile compared to their 15:05's. I had parties at my … Continue reading The Purge
My Bitter Dream Jobs
Pretty much every job sucks because the pay isn't enough to justify the torture they put you through, and because they make you do things that aren't comfortable. Stuff like think, type things, not lay on the couch, not allowing your thoughts to wander, not allowing you to wear clothes that are comfortable and requiring … Continue reading My Bitter Dream Jobs
Who’s your Best Friend? Friday Giftures
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKHMqTUBQkY I see it everyday. Littered across different blogs, or on Instagram feeds, or even on the antiquated Facebook. Pictures of people with other people that aren't in their family. Not people that they work with. They are smiling in photos, or happily sitting on beach chairs, or going on hikes through the woods, or … Continue reading Who’s your Best Friend? Friday Giftures
The Bitter Dream World
When you are super lazy like me, and then are forced into doing actual work, you tend to get a little tired. Since naps are pretty much a requirement for me to be at my all time minimumest, I have to find another way to get them so I can be at my bitter best. … Continue reading The Bitter Dream World
Bringing the Thunder
I'm good at noticing patterns. Well, at least when they happen over and over and over again. That's why I did so well on recognizing patterns part of the ACT's. And when I say I did well, I mean I did better than the math and science and the apprehensive portions. Meaning I got a … Continue reading Bringing the Thunder
The Big Daddy of them all
I don't know if you know this but today is Father's Day and you know what that means. Two little kids owe me some breakfast in bed and a new jet ski because of all that fathering I've been doing for them ever since they became my little tax deductions, uh little wonderful kids. They … Continue reading The Big Daddy of them all
Resting on your Laurels Friday Bitter Giftures
I live and work with a bunch of overachievers. Did you know there are actually people in the world that want more than to sit on their couch and eat pizza and play video games? I have no idea how exhausting it must be to have goals to do stuff other than that. What … Continue reading Resting on your Laurels Friday Bitter Giftures
A Three Hour Tour
I'm not from Arizona or the south where the temperatures are apparently slightly higher than the sun's core, and I'm not from DC or California where the traffic is slower than the parking lot at Walmart on Black Friday, but I am from Seattle where the sun doesn't shine(where people keep telling me to go) … Continue reading A Three Hour Tour
The Bitter Power of Editing
I was talking to my writer's group the other day and told them I could not make it to the group this week because I was too lazy and wanted to sleep in on Saturday. They totally would have believed me if I actually did say that, but unfortunately, that isn't what I really told … Continue reading The Bitter Power of Editing
Bendiana Jones and the Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness
The Bendiana Jones bitterventures continue in the third installment of the franchise in Bendiana Jones and The Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness. It all starts in a typically boring day in Bitter Bendiana's life as he prepares for a vacation in late May. As he ties up the last of the loose ends at work, … Continue reading Bendiana Jones and the Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness
Mowing down the Friday Giftures
A blade of grass. Swaying back and forth in the rhythm of the summer night's warm breeze. Not a care in the world as it feels the purple sunset's warmth cascade down its back. Thoughts of summer's past. Soft music hangs in the air, in concert with crickets chirping. The blade feels peace, serenity. … Continue reading Mowing down the Friday Giftures
Becoming Bitterly Famous
I've always wanted to be famous. Since at least 2012. That's why I created this blog. I want my face on every billboard, my name in lights on broadway, on every credit in every television show, my name in every movie's IMDB. I want to be so famous that you won't even be able to … Continue reading Becoming Bitterly Famous
Ben's Bitter Blog 