The OFFICIAL Guide to Crushing it at Your New Job

As part of my new weekly post called “Reblogging others to get better stats”, I am choosing one really good post from another blogger in order to assure that at least one post per week is good on my blog. Anyways, this post was particularly good because I am searching for a job and if I ever do get one, it will be nice to try and fail to do all these things in this post. Anyways, enjoy the only good post I put on my blog this week.

The Married Cat Lady

So, you got a new job– congratulations! Now, the question is, how do you go in and crush it? I’m here to tell you how in a few easy steps. Follow these steps, and you’ll be sure to kick some new-job ass.

crushing itSTEP 1: Arrive early

I know, this one seems obvious. Of course, you don’t want to be late, but you need to beearlyearly, like sit-and-wait-in-your-car-for-twenty-minutes early, especially on your very first day.

This gives you plenty of time to increase your anxiety ten-fold. By the time you walk in the door, your hands should be shaking, and your stomach should be doing flip-flops.

If you feel like you may vomit, you’ve done it correctly.

STEP 2: Eat lunch alone

You had plenty of friends at your old job, right? Plenty of inside jokes and understood facial expressions? Well, not anymore!

You’ll eat lunch by yourself; simultaneously…

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Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures

  I really like the idea of working from home, but only if I'm not actually working from home. I.E. I get paid to do things, but don't actually do things. I've decided that if some people can get money for free on Go Fun Me, so should I. They may say they have a … Continue reading Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures

Rage of the Machines

When I was a kid, it was a different time. Kids got yelled at, punished, sent to their rooms, disciplined and we took it like men and women, even though we were kids. We understood when we did something stupid because our parents told us we did. Our teachers yelled, our principles sent us to … Continue reading Rage of the Machines

American Horror Story: What. The. F*@$.

You know things are bad when even parody’s of what is going on in politics are bad. I don’t watch American Horror Story, but blogger TypicalJenn does. She does a lot of reviews of other things like books, TV and movies, so make sure you follow, subscribe and like/comment on her post. She only has 4 followers right now and that is just a crime. Let’s at least double that for her so she keeps giving us bitter reviews about stuff. Aight? Anyways, here is her review of the first American Horror Show. ARRRRGGGHHHH!

Typical Jenn

OK, wow. Um, where do I start?

I guess I’ll start with “OK I’d heard this season would be about the election but damn it the news is bad enough did you really have to go there, AHS?” I mean really. Television is my escape, and what did you do? You took a show that was based on fun-horror that sometimes sucked and turned it into a political mess (as in this is everyone’s American Horror Story) and now you’ve given me one less thing to write about for Typical Jenn’s 31 Days of Halloween. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Episode 3 airs tomorrow but I gave up after episode 2 because it’s bloody awful. Here’s what’s happened so far:

It opens with the announcing of Trump winning the presidency and then it shows a woman (Sarah Paulson) losing her mind while a guy (Evan Peters) gets psychotically excited…

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Friday Giftures for Days

The days are becoming shorter and I'm okay with that. Daytime isn't good for you. The is the part of the 24 hours period where you have to do things like work, breathe, shop, deal with people, etc. On the other hand, the night time is when you do fun stuff like TV, video games, … Continue reading Friday Giftures for Days

How to Become Humble in One Easy Step

I've never been much of a motivational speaker, or a Self-Improvement guru. In fact, you could probably say I'm quite opposite. I'm more of a Self-Detriment, or demotivational speaker.  But this idea burns so deeply in my defibrillated heart, that I can't possibly keep this information to myself. As Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert and … Continue reading How to Become Humble in One Easy Step

Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension

  I used to be a blogging snob, not allowing other people to guest post or do any reblogging, because I thought it would sully the bitter vibe all over this blog. I didn't think anyone else's opinion on bitterness would ever be anywhere near mine, (which it isn't by the way) but that doesn't … Continue reading Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension

Is your refrigerator running?

You know the old adage, "Love hurts?" I'm okay with the heart getting hurt. When some girl cold bloodedly tells you that she has been dating someone else for a little while at the same time and she likes him better. Or when you ask a girl to go steady with a big huge cut … Continue reading Is your refrigerator running?

Car Wash Animals

I don't know if you are having a car wash war where you guys live, but there must be some dirty cars around here. Yeah, there are mountains nearby here, so I assume some people drive around in their Jeep Cherokees for car commercials, but man, I had no idea so many people needed their … Continue reading Car Wash Animals

How To Write An Unpopular Blog

As part of my Saturday/Sunday reblog, I found this post to be very funny and well played. I also appreciate the snark and sarcasm. Or the snarkasm. Anyways, great post. I hope you all enjoy.

HIP TO BE SNARK

Unpopular is defined as:

Not popular or liked

I have about 120 followers and I’ve had this blog for a year.
Does that make me unpopular? I don’t know.

Eventually, I’m going to give up on it. Probably. I’m sure something will happen in my life and I’ll just stop posting. Or maybe I’ll start over. Maybe I’ll keep going? Either way, I don’t think anyone will care. I don’t expect them to. We are strangers and my life isn’t particularly interesting. I’m finally okay with that.

We fixate so hard on followers and who’s reading and whether we’re posting the right thing, how to get more followers and so forth. I’m usually running away from such things. With great success because I’m not that popular anyway.

My other blog has roughly the same amount of followers and I’ve had it for almost six years.

So I know what I’m…

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Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures

There's nothing better or more offensive than when Micheal Scott does a character. The best part is that he can always blame it on the character. Much like I do when I blame all the bitterness on Bitter Ben. He is just the worst sometimes. Anyway, when Micheal Scott becomes Date Mike, he is just … Continue reading Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures

Different Languages

When I was growing up I had no desire to learn a different language. Learning English was hard enough. What I didn't realize was that it isn't just languages like Spanish, Russian, German and Greek are hard to learn. When they say it is all Greek to me, they are right. I don't even know … Continue reading Different Languages

Back for A Bitter New Season

  Lost in all the hype of all the new TV shows, football season and hurricanes, fires and other natural disasters, the AP probably didn't pick this up. But they should have, because bitterness is at all all time high and we need this more than ever now. For those of you who are old … Continue reading Back for A Bitter New Season

Modern Age Mother-in-Laws

My condolences to Yunma of the Institute of Parenthood as she is not only the first person to have the curse of being the first of my Saturday reblogs, but she is also getting outshined by Instagram. It must suck for her today. Sorry about piling on, but that is what I do. So sorry about your bad luck. I hope your blog doesn’t burn down or get blown away by a hurricane.

I hope you all enjoy Yunma’s post and that it makes you feel all bitter inside.

ARRRRGGGHHHH
Bitter Reblogging Ben

Institution of Parenthood

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Firstly, apologies for being MIA recently. The biggest arch nemesis of virtual life is the little thing called real life, and my real life has been a whiny, needy child these days.

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Why did the Chicken cross the Playground? To get to the other Slide on down to Friday Giftures

  I used to tell dumb jokes when I was young. I also told dumb jokes yesterday. You see, I haven't changed. Not one bit. Well I have expanded. My gut. And my back isn't what it used to be. And my face is 10 times older than when I was four. But other than … Continue reading Why did the Chicken cross the Playground? To get to the other Slide on down to Friday Giftures

Coming soon to an Office near you

I am about as big a fan of The Office fan as there gets. Aside from the lunatics on the internet anyways.  Since the day we got Netflix, I have watched The Office nonstop. My wife thinks I'm crazy to keep watching the same show over and over again. I have almost memorized all of … Continue reading Coming soon to an Office near you