Four Square Bitterness

On Friday October 13th, my son turned 10 years old. Of course we missed out on a huge opportunity by not having him born 3 years earlier and him becoming a Jason, Freddy or Pinhead. Regardless, since I am free during the days for a few more days, I was tasked with going to Panda … Continue reading Four Square Bitterness

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I Wish That Anything In Life Could Excite Me As Much As Squirrels Excite My Dogs.

One of the things I am most bitter about in life is that I was not given the ability to draw. I have already been surpassed in my artistic ability by my 13 year old daughter. Though to be honest, she surpassed me when she was 2 and first learned to draw. My stick figures still need a lot of work.
Anyways, Joanne here combines two things that make me bitterly jealous, so I thought I would show you just how good she is at both drawing and humor, things which I both suffer at embarrassingly. Make sure to check out many of her other posts which are funny too.

Some Words That Say What I Think

Autumn is an exciting time of year for my dogs, mostly because there is a significant increase in the number of squirrels running around in the park.

When my dogs encounter a squirrel, they experience a level of excitement beyond that which humans can cognitively process.

I could win the lottery, be offered a free luxury round-the-world cruise and discover the secret to eternal youth, all within the space of a single hour, and still not come close to scraping the surface of the excitement that my dogs experience when they see a squirrel.

Upon seeing a squirrel, my dogs become so excited that they are no longer completely in control of their bodies.

All they can do is run around, barking manically, their movements and actions controlled by the all-consuming power of their base instincts

At this time of year, the squirrels are collecting food in preparation for winter…

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Friday the 13th Giftures

  It's that time of the year. The haunted houses are advertising that they can scare the heck out of you. The horror movies are making amazing amounts of cash by scaring the crap out of you. Worst of all, the pumpkin spice flavors are out to take all your money. But I'm not going … Continue reading Friday the 13th Giftures

Mystery Oreo’s

  I'm not a big fan of mystery movies, because the ending is usually pretty stupid. The killer was usually someone you suspected from the very beginning, but they just made other people look slightly guilty somehow. Or the ending is super lame because if you just knew one thing, you would have figured it … Continue reading Mystery Oreo’s

12 Bizarre Behaviors Belonging to the “Blogger Bunch!” (Yes, Us!)

I think all of us bloggers go through this bitter thought process. Stephanie Lewis from Once Upon Your Prime is one of my favorites and you should go read her blog because it is funny and bitter at the same time, unlike mine which is just bitter.

Once Upon Your Prime

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The Blogger Bunch!

Here’s a story of a bunch of writer-folks, who’re once a strange set of girls and boys,
Growing up they had their journals and diaries, pretty much ignored all other toys.
Till the one day when these wordsmiths met WordPress, they knew they’d be just as pleased as punch,
If this group could somehow form a Blogosphere, and that’s the way they became The Blogger Bunch!

Ready? Here we go!

12 Blogging Behaviors You Might Recognize!

  1. We excitedly register for a free online WordPress URL, spend hours (no days!) setting it up, picking a perfect theme, arranging widgets, plug-ins, clever headers, tag-lines, backgrounds, and fonts — only to realize when the blog is finished . . . we must now actually write! (Wow, some of us were those brides who registered for china patterns, ordered imprinted napkins, centerpieces, catering, picked out the perfect gown, only to realize…

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Slow motion Friday Giftures

  Someone must have hit the slow motion button on my life, because I can't seem to keep up. Just yesterday my kids were just starting school and today they tell me they are in 4th and 8th grades. The other day Donald Trump was this rich real estate guy from New York. Just today … Continue reading Slow motion Friday Giftures

Private Property

  There is thousands of acres of land on this earth. I know because I took a geography class once. It taught me many things like uh...oceans are full of water, Antarctica is the most populous nation, and Transformers are living on the dark side of the moon. With all this land, you would think … Continue reading Private Property

The OFFICIAL Guide to Crushing it at Your New Job

As part of my new weekly post called “Reblogging others to get better stats”, I am choosing one really good post from another blogger in order to assure that at least one post per week is good on my blog. Anyways, this post was particularly good because I am searching for a job and if I ever do get one, it will be nice to try and fail to do all these things in this post. Anyways, enjoy the only good post I put on my blog this week.

The Married Cat Lady

So, you got a new job– congratulations! Now, the question is, how do you go in and crush it? I’m here to tell you how in a few easy steps. Follow these steps, and you’ll be sure to kick some new-job ass.

crushing itSTEP 1: Arrive early

I know, this one seems obvious. Of course, you don’t want to be late, but you need to beearlyearly, like sit-and-wait-in-your-car-for-twenty-minutes early, especially on your very first day.

This gives you plenty of time to increase your anxiety ten-fold. By the time you walk in the door, your hands should be shaking, and your stomach should be doing flip-flops.

If you feel like you may vomit, you’ve done it correctly.

STEP 2: Eat lunch alone

You had plenty of friends at your old job, right? Plenty of inside jokes and understood facial expressions? Well, not anymore!

You’ll eat lunch by yourself; simultaneously…

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Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures

  I really like the idea of working from home, but only if I'm not actually working from home. I.E. I get paid to do things, but don't actually do things. I've decided that if some people can get money for free on Go Fun Me, so should I. They may say they have a … Continue reading Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures

Rage of the Machines

When I was a kid, it was a different time. Kids got yelled at, punished, sent to their rooms, disciplined and we took it like men and women, even though we were kids. We understood when we did something stupid because our parents told us we did. Our teachers yelled, our principles sent us to … Continue reading Rage of the Machines

American Horror Story: What. The. F*@$.

You know things are bad when even parody’s of what is going on in politics are bad. I don’t watch American Horror Story, but blogger TypicalJenn does. She does a lot of reviews of other things like books, TV and movies, so make sure you follow, subscribe and like/comment on her post. She only has 4 followers right now and that is just a crime. Let’s at least double that for her so she keeps giving us bitter reviews about stuff. Aight? Anyways, here is her review of the first American Horror Show. ARRRRGGGHHHH!

Typical Jenn

OK, wow. Um, where do I start?

I guess I’ll start with “OK I’d heard this season would be about the election but damn it the news is bad enough did you really have to go there, AHS?” I mean really. Television is my escape, and what did you do? You took a show that was based on fun-horror that sometimes sucked and turned it into a political mess (as in this is everyone’s American Horror Story) and now you’ve given me one less thing to write about for Typical Jenn’s 31 Days of Halloween. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Episode 3 airs tomorrow but I gave up after episode 2 because it’s bloody awful. Here’s what’s happened so far:

It opens with the announcing of Trump winning the presidency and then it shows a woman (Sarah Paulson) losing her mind while a guy (Evan Peters) gets psychotically excited…

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Friday Giftures for Days

The days are becoming shorter and I'm okay with that. Daytime isn't good for you. The is the part of the 24 hours period where you have to do things like work, breathe, shop, deal with people, etc. On the other hand, the night time is when you do fun stuff like TV, video games, … Continue reading Friday Giftures for Days

How to Become Humble in One Easy Step

I've never been much of a motivational speaker, or a Self-Improvement guru. In fact, you could probably say I'm quite opposite. I'm more of a Self-Detriment, or demotivational speaker.  But this idea burns so deeply in my defibrillated heart, that I can't possibly keep this information to myself. As Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert and … Continue reading How to Become Humble in One Easy Step

Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension

  I used to be a blogging snob, not allowing other people to guest post or do any reblogging, because I thought it would sully the bitter vibe all over this blog. I didn't think anyone else's opinion on bitterness would ever be anywhere near mine, (which it isn't by the way) but that doesn't … Continue reading Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension

Is your refrigerator running?

You know the old adage, "Love hurts?" I'm okay with the heart getting hurt. When some girl cold bloodedly tells you that she has been dating someone else for a little while at the same time and she likes him better. Or when you ask a girl to go steady with a big huge cut … Continue reading Is your refrigerator running?

Car Wash Animals

I don't know if you are having a car wash war where you guys live, but there must be some dirty cars around here. Yeah, there are mountains nearby here, so I assume some people drive around in their Jeep Cherokees for car commercials, but man, I had no idea so many people needed their … Continue reading Car Wash Animals

How To Write An Unpopular Blog

As part of my Saturday/Sunday reblog, I found this post to be very funny and well played. I also appreciate the snark and sarcasm. Or the snarkasm. Anyways, great post. I hope you all enjoy.

HIP TO BE SNARK

Unpopular is defined as:

Not popular or liked

I have about 120 followers and I’ve had this blog for a year.
Does that make me unpopular? I don’t know.

Eventually, I’m going to give up on it. Probably. I’m sure something will happen in my life and I’ll just stop posting. Or maybe I’ll start over. Maybe I’ll keep going? Either way, I don’t think anyone will care. I don’t expect them to. We are strangers and my life isn’t particularly interesting. I’m finally okay with that.

We fixate so hard on followers and who’s reading and whether we’re posting the right thing, how to get more followers and so forth. I’m usually running away from such things. With great success because I’m not that popular anyway.

My other blog has roughly the same amount of followers and I’ve had it for almost six years.

So I know what I’m…

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Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures

There's nothing better or more offensive than when Micheal Scott does a character. The best part is that he can always blame it on the character. Much like I do when I blame all the bitterness on Bitter Ben. He is just the worst sometimes. Anyway, when Micheal Scott becomes Date Mike, he is just … Continue reading Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures