If you've ever watched the cable channel IFC, you know that their slogan is "Always on, slightly off." It's because it's the channel for hipsters, who's motto is "I liked so and so something or other BEFORE it was cool." I'm actually the anti-hipster, not only because I have a hip that always hurts … Continue reading Bitter Miscalibration Friday Giftures
Month: July 2016
What’s with the Cannibalistic Cereal?
I was laying in my Lazy Ben recliner the other day, watching some TV and some commercials came on. As an aside, I'm pretty bad at most things, but I'm pretty good at recognizing patterns. If there were ever a job that required me to point out pointless and dumb similarities that two people had, … Continue reading What’s with the Cannibalistic Cereal?
Bitter People Repellent
The other day I was forced into doing two things to sell my house. 1. Go outside and 2. Talk to people. Those two things are the leading causes of headaches, night sweats, jitteriness, and bitteriness. Obviously those things slice to my very core and make me want to parkour into some blackberry bushes. Even … Continue reading Bitter People Repellent
My Bitter Guest Post on Suzie’s Speaks
I know your Sunday is super busy filled with activities such as laying around, getting ready for brunch at 11 am and hanging out on your 40 foot yachts, but I'm going to ask you to interrupt your super important plans and spare a square of your time and ask you to run(or walk or … Continue reading My Bitter Guest Post on Suzie’s Speaks
A Flying Flip Friday Giftures
You know when you are on a plane going to an exotic location like Bora Bora or a history filled location like Rome or London and the plane flips over? Yeah me neither. I've never been very exotic or have much history. I have been on a plane but usually only to places like … Continue reading A Flying Flip Friday Giftures
Air Bitter N Bitter
It's that time of year when the sun is out, the birds are chirping, the days are longer and the porch is calling for you to drinking a nice refreshing lemonade. The kids are out playing in the yard, running through the sprinklers or happy playing in the yard. So why not kill that buzz … Continue reading Air Bitter N Bitter
High Percentage Bitter
I'm not exactly what you would call a math savant. In fact, what most people would call me is the low end of the totem barrel. At the beginning of a semester of a math class, my high end goal was C-. You know, just enough to get by, to not get a D or … Continue reading High Percentage Bitter
Procrastination Friday Giftures
Procrastination. The National Pastime. More popular than basketball, football, baseball, hockey AND Jai ali. The sport takes place in offices, schools, playgrounds, stores and even hovels across the nation every day. The sport works like this. The one that holds off the longest before doing important things wins. The only reason this hasn't become … Continue reading Procrastination Friday Giftures
Pizza Ordering 101 – A New Course offered At Ben’s B.I.T.T.E.R. School of Bitterness
Two disturbing trends lately. 1) It has come to my attention that I haven't created any new classes for Ben's B.I.T.T.E.R. School of Bitterness lately and that isn't okay and B), it has come to my attention that not everyone in the world knows how to order pizza. It is imperative you know how to … Continue reading Pizza Ordering 101 – A New Course offered At Ben’s B.I.T.T.E.R. School of Bitterness
Pokemon Go Away
Back in 1998, I was a recent grad from college, working at my dream job of telemarketer, and I would get super bored between calls. Luckily, I had a Nintendo Game Boy and I had discovered this new game called Pokemon. It captured my imagination, because it was about being a 10 year old. A … Continue reading Pokemon Go Away
Not all who wander are lost
About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I was in the mall trying to sell some books that we were trying to get rid of at Half Price Book Store. I gave them two boxes, and they told me to give them a half hour and they would give me the price they would pay. So … Continue reading Not all who wander are lost
Dancing with the Comets Friday Giftures
Just when you thought Dancing with the Stars was running out of low level"talent" for their popular show, they resurrected themselves by finding and even less talented pool of people to mine new dancers from. They decided to spin off the show and call it Dancing with the Comets. Comets are people so barely … Continue reading Dancing with the Comets Friday Giftures
The Weapons of The Introvert
I imagine being an extrovert can be a pretty bitter and exhaustingly hard job. You are always on the offensive, trying to hunt down people to interact with, to way overtalk with; like a mosquito trying for its next human arm fix. Â Though somehow I'm sure even the hunt for other people is energizing to … Continue reading The Weapons of The Introvert
Weeds are more successful than me
I've always taken great pride in being really bad at things. I joke about how bad I am at math, but it really is amazing how I can't even help my 6th grade daughter with her homework. She isn't even to Algebra yet. I think it's humorous how bad I am at fixing things … Continue reading Weeds are more successful than me
Bendepence Day
The big summer holiday around these parts is July 4th, or as us Amuricans call it, "Independence Day". It's based around a war between US (or us) and some other country and it was all about who could have the biggest fireworks displays. Whoever won got to keep ownership over the Boston Starbucks Harbor and … Continue reading Bendepence Day
I Spy with my Bitter Eye something Friday Giftures
When we were young, we went on road trips for our vacations, because we liked cramming 7 people in a van and trying to get to know each other more. At least the rest of the family did. I preferred to fly first class to exotic locations like Paris, Japan, Australia, Hawaii and Indonesia. Unfortunately, … Continue reading I Spy with my Bitter Eye something Friday Giftures
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