The sun is 93 million miles away (at least according to the scientist Sun E. Day, who traveled from earth to the sun with a big tape measure. Though he accidentally let go at 84 million, so he had to come back and get it again. Then, he was only 1 million away and got … Continue reading Suncastic Bitter Giftures
Month: July 2015
The Struggle Bus
Hey you, bitter kids in the back seats! Sit down and shut it! I'm Bitter Ben and I am your struggle bus driver for the day. I know that we've been driving around lost for hours now, but don't worry, that has been on purpose. I have no intention of getting you anywhere you want to go or … Continue reading The Struggle Bus
Proper Napping Procedures
There are very few subjects which I am an expert at. Grammar, I don't have a doctorate in. Math? I think if the end of the world were imminent and all I had to do was solve the equation for X to save the world, get ready for the apocalypse and the four horseman to … Continue reading Proper Napping Procedures
Bitter Leftovers -Bankruptcy
It's pretty clear I'm not famous, which is fine, because who wants to be hassled with having people around ALL. THE. TIME.? I'm sure there are some perks to being famous, like being able to yell at assistants, show up late to stuff, pout in your trailer and appear in magazines as a complete tool, … Continue reading Bitter Leftovers -Bankruptcy
Junk Mail Friday Giftures
This world needs less junk. Between the junk emails, junk mail littering our mailboxes, and the junk that is wandering around on practically every website ever, a big volcano is going to erupt someday and give us all papercuts. And you know how painful they are. I watched Hoarders last night against my will (the … Continue reading Junk Mail Friday Giftures
The Battle of Nerf Gun Control Bitterness
When I first moved to Seattle, I thought it would be near a coffee shop, or a shop where people threw fish at me, or underneath a huge needle looking tower thing that would be throwing fish at me. I knew so little about this Seattle and what it would look like. Instead of one … Continue reading The Battle of Nerf Gun Control Bitterness
The Bitter Energy Crisis
There is an energy crisis in this country. It doesn't have anything to do with fuel, or gas, or coal or oil. This is a human energy crisis. We are so tired from staying up late playing video games, watching YouTube, watching TV or heaven forbid work, that when some of us wake up at … Continue reading The Bitter Energy Crisis
Bitter Leftovers – Quiet INTERRUPTED
We all seem to have one of those people in our lives that just can't be quiet. That just can't stand the silence. That have to verbalize every thought they have ever had ever. No matter how stupid. The co-worker next door neighbor that has to express every feeling and every emotion after every call … Continue reading Bitter Leftovers – Quiet INTERRUPTED
Bitter Skydiving Friday Giftures
Every Sunday night, we all collectively board a small plane, with a super loud propeller, and the wind screaming in our ears so we can hardly hear each other. We are getting all kinds of instructions from some former skydiver who just wanted to surf his whole life, but realized that life costs money. So … Continue reading Bitter Skydiving Friday Giftures
Leftover Bitterness- A Bitter Symphony
My commute was hot as usual, because the air conditioning in my car didn't work because my arms didn't feel like rolling the windows down. So, of course, I was exhausted and didn't want to do anything but park...myself on the couch. But then I was hungry, but there was no plan on the … Continue reading Leftover Bitterness- A Bitter Symphony
Cartoon shaming bitterness
When I was in my late dating years, I tried to woo a girl that didn't particularly want to be wooed by me, but for whatever reason I kept trying to get a date with her. She finally relented and I decided that I should go on a double date with my brother and his … Continue reading Cartoon shaming bitterness
The Bitter Battlefield of Fake Wars
I'm pretty conservative when it comes to proclaiming something to be the "BEST EVER" or "WORST EVER!" because I'm not a child of the internet, where message boards, comments or blogs are full of that crap. Trust me, I have some pretty dark bitter days at work, at restaurants or at grocery stores, but … Continue reading The Bitter Battlefield of Fake Wars
The Epic Horribleness of Bitterflies
So you are out in the middle of a large meadow, the grass blowing gently in the breeze, your plaid blanket covered with paper plates full of delicious cheeses and crackers, and you're sipping on some ice cold lemonade. It's a just right 70 degrees and the laughter of your company is a little loud … Continue reading The Epic Horribleness of Bitterflies
Making it Rain like Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls Like the Motion of the Ocean Friday Gifture
For some reason, there is this mythological romantic, almost magical alure that the ocean holds over people. The rhythm of the waves, the peaceful sounds of the seagulls. The majesty of being one with ocean while surfing, and the quiet of the air, the sand getting in every nook and cranny, the uncertainty of what … Continue reading Making it Rain like Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls Like the Motion of the Ocean Friday Gifture
An Inside Review of the Outside of Inside Out
So it's been pretty hot outside for the last month or so here and by that, I mean it's been in the 90's and not rainy at all. For most people that live in Cairo, you probably laugh and say, "HA HA. We live in a desert where sand and stuff gets in our eyes, … Continue reading An Inside Review of the Outside of Inside Out
Sunday Comic Bitterness
I don't know about you, but once I became a blogger, my family and bitter people who call themselves my friends, started giving me suggestions on what I should "blog about". Random family member: "Hey you should do a bitter blog about traffic." Me: "Yeah, I never would have thought of doing one on traffic. … Continue reading Sunday Comic Bitterness
The Summer of Bitter Ben Giftures
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPS3qLtaFtw I'm getting full pay for three days to do nothing. I'm gonna do something with these three days. I'm gonna read a magazine from beginning to end in that order. I'm gonna learn Bolf. Bitter golf. Golf with Bitterness. This is gonna be my time. Time to taste the bitter fruits and let the … Continue reading The Summer of Bitter Ben Giftures
Hand some Ben Bitterness
Hands are a pretty amazing and versatile set of things at the end of your arms. They are really good at things like punching people, avoiding handshakes, even holding strong weapons to defend and offend other people. But some video game and comic book characters are lucky enough to have other things in the place … Continue reading Hand some Ben Bitterness
Would you rather…?
You know what my favorite game show is? Jeopardy. Actually Celebrity Jeopardy. Actually Celebrity Jeopardy as portrayed by Saturday Night Live. Wanna know why? Because of the way they answer in the form of a question. Actually, it's because of the categories. Not really, it's because of Alex Trabek. Well, more because of Will Ferrell's … Continue reading Would you rather…?
Ben's Bitter Blog 