Welcome to Ben’s Bitter School of Bitterness.
Before we start the tour, let me tell you a little about me. I am Bitter Ben, the Principle and Creator of the School here. When we started all the way back in 2013, we found the world to have too much general happiness, contentment, smiling and joy. After noticing that, we decided that this could not continue any longer without fighting against the plague of general happiness. It is our mission to provide bitterness to kids of all ages to properly prepare themselves for a life filled with bitterness. We provide this through extensive training. Our legacy is to create an environment rich with negativity, jealousy, rage, and most of all bitterness.
We would invite you, Bitter Parents to come to our campus and experience the Bitterness for yourselves. Scholarships are available for no one and you can apply online, somewhere.
You Bitter Principle,
I was looking back to my first post a mere year ago, and it made me think. (How dare you first post!) It basically spells out my mission statement, my purpose for not only this blog, but the meaning of my life. The world is getting sloppy with all its happiness and its upbeatness and its smiling and positivity. I feel that I have done a decent job in getting people to at least think about the (ben)efits of bitterness and how it can have a negative impact on their lives. A few people are biting and for them I give no kudos at all. They are just doing the status quo and that should not be rewarded just as I should not be rewarded for doing this blog as it is just what I am good at. However, it occurs to me that I am not doing enough to expand the world’s bitterness.
How can I (or we) as a bitter person(people) expand and grow our branding to make it possible for others to be bitter(besides all these paretheses that are driving me to bitter madness!)? There is bittertising (which I spoke of not so eloquantly here) and I guess I could send bitter sales people out there knocking door to door spreading the bitterness one door at a time, but I don’t think that is enough. There are other methods of marketing that we can explore. There is the B2B(bitter to bitter), where I or my team or bitter business associates speak from my bitter business to their bitter busines. Again, that takes care of a small portion of the population, but not enough. I need to be more ambitious while sitting on my couch. When I saw the GIF above and remembered the GIF from last weeks bitter picture of the week and it gave me bitter goosepimples. And also a spark of inspirational bitterness.
The children. The passion for teaching our youth to be bitter isn’t there enough. We aren’t training them young enough. Education should be our number 1 priority! We need to teaches kids at a young age to be bitter. They are our future right? How can we expect to leave our legacy of bitterness behind if we can’t teach the children who will someday take our places as the Bitter Pillars of the Community? We can’t. So here is what I propose.
We bitterly march on Washington, until we can get funding for a Bitterness Intelligent Training of Tots with Educational Resources (or B.I.T.T.E.R. for short). My school will provide the youth of the world to learn about bitterness is a careless environment. Who is with me? Anyone? No? Fine, well if no one is with me, I will start small with my own kids. Hey guys, who wants to play on this teeter totter with no one on the other side? (I think that is a good start). The infection will catch on and before you know it, you will be begging me to you kids into B.I.T.T.E.R. Academy of Bitterness. By then I might not let you get in. And you will be bitter at an older age.
By the way, thanks not at all for your support. We will go a short way without you.
Ben “Arrgghhhstituionalized” Ben