9000!!!! Followers Friday Giftures

  Congratulations to the Darkest Fairytale, you just became the newest and bitterest member of the internet, IE you just became my 9000th WordPress follower. Do you know what this means? It means... It also means that we have to do at least 9000 gifs today for Friday Giftures. Ugh, it's going to be a … Continue reading 9000!!!! Followers Friday Giftures

Elevator Problems

  The other day I was talking about Netflix and I mentioned Die Hard being one of my all time favorite movies. From the fact that it really is a Christmas movie, to the fact that I currently have Bruce Willis hair that he had in that movie, to the unbelievable amount of lines in … Continue reading Elevator Problems

Hey Netflix

Updated: New question at the end of the post.    Hey Netflix, I heard your CEO or creator or whatever, started Netflix because he had a huge late fee from Blockbuster and didn't want to have to pay twice the amount of late fee's than what the movie would have cost. I don't either, but … Continue reading Hey Netflix

It’s Time to Pin This Week Down Giftures

If I was a wrestler, then I would probably wear a mask and be the Bitter Brawler or something like that. I just assume that people really wouldn't want to see what is under the mask. I pretty much wouldn't be a champion, and I certainly would be a villain, but definitely the least popular … Continue reading It’s Time to Pin This Week Down Giftures

Bitter Baller Brand

Over the last 5 years of blogging, I've noticed a few disturbing trends. One of the big ones is that my audience (the ones that have been tricked into reading this crap) don't really share much in common with me. Most of my readers are female (which is a demographic I don't really understand) and … Continue reading Bitter Baller Brand

An Ode to A Mother on This Day

Hey Mom, I hear there is some sort of day that happens every year that is supposed to honor you. I forgot to give you a gift all those years and stuff, so I'm gonna do the least best thing. I'm going to resend out this post I did like 4 years ago, because you … Continue reading An Ode to A Mother on This Day

Doors open to Friday Giftures

  A lot of people think of doors as a way to get into a better situation. Some people think of doors as a way to protect themselves from the outside world. But we know what they are really for. They are the introverts best friend. Not only do they keep the bad people out … Continue reading Doors open to Friday Giftures

The Bitter Edit Button

  If you've had any chance to view my blog at all, you know part of the deal is all the errors. I am constantly misspelling wurds, making really terrible transitions, and making all kinds of false claims that can't be verified. It must be a constant annoyance all you bitter followers that are forced … Continue reading The Bitter Edit Button

Back in the Swing of Friday Giftures

It's been a long time coming, but someone finally accepted this big ball of bitterness into their office. I will be starting to raise the bitterness quotient dramatically into a new company starting on Monday. I will now have something new to complain about. That's right. I got a job. What is quite ironic is … Continue reading Back in the Swing of Friday Giftures

Flipping the Switch Friday Giftures

  A lot of people have this insane ability to be able to flip a switch and be able to turn into beast mode(the Hulk has this ability literally).  For a lot of people, the magical elixir is called coffee. Some people can do it in their basketball careers. These professional basketball players have the … Continue reading Flipping the Switch Friday Giftures

Storage Unit Friday Giftures

When we first moved to this place that we are living, we were worried about finding a place to put all our stuff. Don't get me wrong, we threw away, donated or sold a majority of our things, but we still had a bunch of stuff that we needed, but didn't need right now. You … Continue reading Storage Unit Friday Giftures

Roller Skater Hater Friday Giftures

  Yesterday I learned that roller skating still exists. I thought it was just a bitter part of my youth. When I was the biggest dork in class (only that last 44 years or so) roller skating was the thing to do for school parties. When I first started skating I was pretty good at … Continue reading Roller Skater Hater Friday Giftures

44 Things that Make Me Bitter

  Today is the oldest I've ever been in my history.  Because of this unforseen difficulty, your regularly scheduled Bitter Rivalry of the Week has been interrupted to bring you some not nearly as good content instead(kind of like when an update on the White House interrupts an episode of Community). Unfortunately, a yearly tradition … Continue reading 44 Things that Make Me Bitter

Do Not Enter Friday Giftures

There are signs all over that tell you, "Do not enter".  I see them a lot when I am driving on the wrong ramp on the freeway. I also hear a lot of people honking when I do that too which is weird, because they are the ones driving the wrong way.  Not to mention … Continue reading Do Not Enter Friday Giftures

Surprise! Friday Giftures

Surprise parties are kind of the worst. Birthdays are already invaded by other people that never talk to you on Facebook all of a sudden sending you profound birthday messages like, "Happy Birthday!" The rest of the day is either work, or family or friends calling you with some super sweet small talk which drives … Continue reading Surprise! Friday Giftures