I've spent the last 49 years cultivating a wit so sharp that onions cry when I cut them. Ninja's use my wit to sharpen their blades. Comedians wear ski masks and avoid detection from my brain's security system just to steal jokes from me. I feel like Usain Bolt slowing down for a turtle when … Continue reading Man’s Search for Comedy
Darkness
48 Things I’m Bitter About
Mirrors are such liars. I wake up every morning knowing that I am handsome and funny like Steve Carell, but as soon as I look in the mirror, I see this strange, weird, bitter older looking guy. So they are pretty useless and bad liars. It's this time of year, that I finally realize that … Continue reading 48 Things I’m Bitter About
Bitter Book Bitterness
Recently, I did a blog post about the fact that I've been blogging for 9 years now. Which seems crazy, because I barely have the attention span of a gnat. This blog is older than most gnats. Except for that gnat that looks like Prince Phillip. You might think that I've done nothing else in … Continue reading Bitter Book Bitterness
DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
The reason I know that I was meant to live in this period of history, is because this is the best time period to be lazy. Imagine me trying to get away with being lazy in Jurassic Park era. As soon as I decided that I wanted to hang out in the cave, I would … Continue reading DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
Download Bitter Friday Giftures
We are all downloading something these days. Sometimes it takes a long time, other times just a second or two, depending on the speed of your connection and how big the download is. Some of them take up a whole lot of your hard drive space, and others just a tiny little bit. Back in … Continue reading Download Bitter Friday Giftures
Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures
I've always been a big advocate of people leaving me alone. One of my best defenses against people talking to me was this marvelous invention called headphones. When people see them on me, they should assume that I am listening to something of utmost importance, even if I'm only listening to a goofy podcast, or … Continue reading Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures
Walking Billboard Bitter Friday Giftures
This morning when I was getting ready, I noticed something. I put on a Nike shirt, a Nike sweatshirt, some Nike shoes and some Gap jeans. I've liked Nike products ever since I was young, and the jeans, well I just like how they fit. I'm not sure that I like Nike for any particular … Continue reading Walking Billboard Bitter Friday Giftures
M. A. D. Principle Bitter Friday Giftures
It would seem rather grim that I'm writing about the M.A.D. Principle one week before Christmas, but I'm not a Hallmark movie, so I'm not preparing for the big Christmas festival with gingerbread making contests and Christmas scavenger hunts. I'm just a regular bitter person that want to talk about the M.A.D. syndrome or Mutually … Continue reading M. A. D. Principle Bitter Friday Giftures
Surviving Work Disasters Bitterness
There have been a lot of big disasters lately. Floods in Colorado, a government that is so lazy that they are making excuses about why they can't "come in to work today" (something about their healthcare, IE faking sick again) and the ending of Breaking Bad(I heard it was a show about chemistry. Uh, wow that … Continue reading Surviving Work Disasters Bitterness
Autumn Bitterness
I've heard enough. There are a whole bunch of people out there on WordPress, television, Facebook and of course, the most popular social network, MySpace proclaiming their love of Autumn.  All I know is that at least 7 of my life's top 15 most embarrassing moments are named after this season. You can say about all the nice things … Continue reading Autumn Bitterness
Early Friday Halloween Picture Bitterness
Since it is Friday, I always try to present some pictures of things that make me bitter, like the weather being terrible or my knees hurting yet again(I have a streak of like 20 years going right now).  But this week, since there are only 2 Fridays left before Halloween, I decided to dedicate this Friday's Pictures to things … Continue reading Early Friday Halloween Picture Bitterness
Canadian Friday Picture Bitterness
It's Friday again and you know what that means. I am too lazy to write anything, so I just post pictures taken from the internet that make me bitter and comment about them. Today, in honor of my neighbors to the north(not in my neighborhood. They have no honor), Canada, who has an actual government that … Continue reading Canadian Friday Picture Bitterness
Kid’s Birthday Party: A bitter review
Since I don't like to think or do much on the weekends(or any other day for that matter), I have decided to start a new feature on the weekends (that is Saturday or Sunday for people that don't know) dedicated to reviewing things that make me bitter. It could be a movie I slept through, … Continue reading Kid’s Birthday Party: A bitter review
Bitter Ben Kryptonite
As a 16/7 user of WordPress, I not only blog, but I spy on read other people's blogs, whenever I am not writing or thinking about writing things about bitterness.  I used to go to websites like ESPN and IGN.com, but ever since being on WordPress, I don't go to them much anymore. If WordPress gets more money for every minute people … Continue reading Bitter Ben Kryptonite
Bitter Sleep
Yesterday, I was sitting on my computer most of the day, staring at it. The cursor was staring back at me, blinking, laughing at me and challenging me to write some halfway decent words. In other words, it has been making me very bitter. When the thoughts don't come and the creative spark doesn't electrify me, I can't … Continue reading Bitter Sleep
Zombie Apocalypse Bitterness
With the recent outbreak (get it?) of popular movies like World War Z and television shows like The Walking Dead people are worried about a zombie apocalypse. They should be worried. Though it appears that most of us are just normal, average, everday citizens, the Zombie Apocalypse is actually upon us right now. If you don't … Continue reading Zombie Apocalypse Bitterness
Day after Bitterness
I am a bitter forward thinker. A bitter visionary. While others are thinking about things that make them bitter in the present, I am looking forward to things that will make me bitter in the future. I don't look at the past and stew over past bitterness or live in the moments bitterness like most … Continue reading Day after Bitterness
Bitter Awareness Week
This morning I woke with a start from my normal nightmaring, because I felt like something was wrong. I looked at my alarm clock and it said 4:42 am. I missed my alarm. That is why things felt so wrong. Adreneline kicked in and I rushed to take a quick shower and then promptly went back … Continue reading Bitter Awareness Week
Wanted: Bitter Rival to Share Bitter Feud with
Hi, Bitter People and others. There is something that I want to get off my chest. I have to admit that lately I've been feeling empty. Don't get me wrong. Being bitter is great and all. But I have been missing something my whole life and this morning I finally figured what it was. I … Continue reading Wanted: Bitter Rival to Share Bitter Feud with
Meeting Bitterness
Okay everyone, meeting in the conference room, 5 minutes. Alright is everyone here? Fantastic. Today's meeting is to discuss further the meaning of a meeting. You know that expression "Unnecessary is the mother of all meetings?" No? Well, it's new. I just made it up. It's also true and it is the bitter topic of the … Continue reading Meeting Bitterness
Ben's Bitter Blog 