Four Square Bitterness

On Friday October 13th, my son turned 10 years old. Of course we missed out on a huge opportunity by not having him born 3 years earlier and him becoming a Jason, Freddy or Pinhead. Regardless, since I am free during the days for a few more days, I was tasked with going to Panda … Continue reading Four Square Bitterness

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Friday the 13th Giftures

  It's that time of the year. The haunted houses are advertising that they can scare the heck out of you. The horror movies are making amazing amounts of cash by scaring the crap out of you. Worst of all, the pumpkin spice flavors are out to take all your money. But I'm not going … Continue reading Friday the 13th Giftures

Mystery Oreo’s

  I'm not a big fan of mystery movies, because the ending is usually pretty stupid. The killer was usually someone you suspected from the very beginning, but they just made other people look slightly guilty somehow. Or the ending is super lame because if you just knew one thing, you would have figured it … Continue reading Mystery Oreo’s

Slow motion Friday Giftures

  Someone must have hit the slow motion button on my life, because I can't seem to keep up. Just yesterday my kids were just starting school and today they tell me they are in 4th and 8th grades. The other day Donald Trump was this rich real estate guy from New York. Just today … Continue reading Slow motion Friday Giftures

Private Property

  There is thousands of acres of land on this earth. I know because I took a geography class once. It taught me many things like uh...oceans are full of water, Antarctica is the most populous nation, and Transformers are living on the dark side of the moon. With all this land, you would think … Continue reading Private Property

Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures

  I really like the idea of working from home, but only if I'm not actually working from home. I.E. I get paid to do things, but don't actually do things. I've decided that if some people can get money for free on Go Fun Me, so should I. They may say they have a … Continue reading Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures

Rage of the Machines

When I was a kid, it was a different time. Kids got yelled at, punished, sent to their rooms, disciplined and we took it like men and women, even though we were kids. We understood when we did something stupid because our parents told us we did. Our teachers yelled, our principles sent us to … Continue reading Rage of the Machines

Friday Giftures for Days

The days are becoming shorter and I'm okay with that. Daytime isn't good for you. The is the part of the 24 hours period where you have to do things like work, breathe, shop, deal with people, etc. On the other hand, the night time is when you do fun stuff like TV, video games, … Continue reading Friday Giftures for Days

How to Become Humble in One Easy Step

I've never been much of a motivational speaker, or a Self-Improvement guru. In fact, you could probably say I'm quite opposite. I'm more of a Self-Detriment, or demotivational speaker.  But this idea burns so deeply in my defibrillated heart, that I can't possibly keep this information to myself. As Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert and … Continue reading How to Become Humble in One Easy Step

Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension

  I used to be a blogging snob, not allowing other people to guest post or do any reblogging, because I thought it would sully the bitter vibe all over this blog. I didn't think anyone else's opinion on bitterness would ever be anywhere near mine, (which it isn't by the way) but that doesn't … Continue reading Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension

Is your refrigerator running?

You know the old adage, "Love hurts?" I'm okay with the heart getting hurt. When some girl cold bloodedly tells you that she has been dating someone else for a little while at the same time and she likes him better. Or when you ask a girl to go steady with a big huge cut … Continue reading Is your refrigerator running?

Car Wash Animals

I don't know if you are having a car wash war where you guys live, but there must be some dirty cars around here. Yeah, there are mountains nearby here, so I assume some people drive around in their Jeep Cherokees for car commercials, but man, I had no idea so many people needed their … Continue reading Car Wash Animals

Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures

There's nothing better or more offensive than when Micheal Scott does a character. The best part is that he can always blame it on the character. Much like I do when I blame all the bitterness on Bitter Ben. He is just the worst sometimes. Anyway, when Micheal Scott becomes Date Mike, he is just … Continue reading Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures

Different Languages

When I was growing up I had no desire to learn a different language. Learning English was hard enough. What I didn't realize was that it isn't just languages like Spanish, Russian, German and Greek are hard to learn. When they say it is all Greek to me, they are right. I don't even know … Continue reading Different Languages

Back for A Bitter New Season

  Lost in all the hype of all the new TV shows, football season and hurricanes, fires and other natural disasters, the AP probably didn't pick this up. But they should have, because bitterness is at all all time high and we need this more than ever now. For those of you who are old … Continue reading Back for A Bitter New Season

Why did the Chicken cross the Playground? To get to the other Slide on down to Friday Giftures

  I used to tell dumb jokes when I was young. I also told dumb jokes yesterday. You see, I haven't changed. Not one bit. Well I have expanded. My gut. And my back isn't what it used to be. And my face is 10 times older than when I was four. But other than … Continue reading Why did the Chicken cross the Playground? To get to the other Slide on down to Friday Giftures

Coming soon to an Office near you

I am about as big a fan of The Office fan as there gets. Aside from the lunatics on the internet anyways.  Since the day we got Netflix, I have watched The Office nonstop. My wife thinks I'm crazy to keep watching the same show over and over again. I have almost memorized all of … Continue reading Coming soon to an Office near you