A long time ago, in a land not so far away, 3 other guys and I did a not-planned-very-well-at-all day trip to a canyon, in which they decided to be dumb and drive down into ravine in early May. In the location of which I speak, it was a steep climb back up and snow … Continue reading Dumb Ways to Die BFG’s
Social Media
Enter the Matrix BFG’s
The other day I decided to do something really different at work. After listening to another podcast about why I am dying at slow death every day from sitting too much, I stood up, and walked away from my desk. It wasn't for very long, of course, but enough to actually make a journey to … Continue reading Enter the Matrix BFG’s
Eleven Year Bitterversary
It was 1998 and I was bored, so I went to watch a mediocre movie, Mortal Kombat. Since cell phones barely existed back then, I passed the time by staring at the movie poster. When I looked closer, I saw a string of letters at the bottom, which piqued my curiousity. It was something like, … Continue reading Eleven Year Bitterversary
Center of the Universe
Thanks to a lot of cartoons I watched when I was young, I know way more about the universe than scientists. I learned from highly literary sources such as He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Transformers, and of course, the Superfriends. I learned that there is definitely intelligent life out there and it isn't … Continue reading Center of the Universe
Mediocrates Bitterness
I didn't get a proper education growing up in South Dakota, because my English teachers forgot to teach me about the Greek Gods. I never learned about the Italian Gods (my favorite Italian God is Little Caeser), or the Brazilian Gods either. If it wasn't for video games and TV, I never would have known … Continue reading Mediocrates Bitterness
Bitter Brand Deal BFG’s
Most people have no idea what they want to do as a career in life, even well into college and even after graduating. That wasn't true with me. I decided in 7th grade. I was in a Social Studies class and our teacher made us do an assignment to figure out our careers. I guarantee … Continue reading Bitter Brand Deal BFG’s
Working on Christmas Bitter Friday Giftures
I've been in the working industry for a long time. When I was a kid, my dad told me that there was no such thing as a free lunch. Since I was born at 8 pm at night, I was already proven as the laziest family member because I didn't have my first job until … Continue reading Working on Christmas Bitter Friday Giftures
Man’s Search for Comedy
I've spent the last 49 years cultivating a wit so sharp that onions cry when I cut them. Ninja's use my wit to sharpen their blades. Comedians wear ski masks and avoid detection from my brain's security system just to steal jokes from me. I feel like Usain Bolt slowing down for a turtle when … Continue reading Man’s Search for Comedy
48 Things I’m Bitter About
Mirrors are such liars. I wake up every morning knowing that I am handsome and funny like Steve Carell, but as soon as I look in the mirror, I see this strange, weird, bitter older looking guy. So they are pretty useless and bad liars. It's this time of year, that I finally realize that … Continue reading 48 Things I’m Bitter About
April Fool Bitter Friday Giftures
Other than the my birthday and Christmas, April Fool's Day is probably my favorite day of the year. It was especially awesome back in the day when the company I worked for had year end on March 31st, which meant we often had to stay until really late pretending to work or something. So the … Continue reading April Fool Bitter Friday Giftures
Bitter Book Bitterness
Recently, I did a blog post about the fact that I've been blogging for 9 years now. Which seems crazy, because I barely have the attention span of a gnat. This blog is older than most gnats. Except for that gnat that looks like Prince Phillip. You might think that I've done nothing else in … Continue reading Bitter Book Bitterness
Mascot Bitter Friday Giftures
Why do you think March Madness the ultimate time of year for so many people? Well, some say it is for college basketball. You know, the crazy upsets, the buzzer beaters and the nail biting games. Or it could be the one-in-a-million shot that you could accidentally fill out a Final Four bracket in your … Continue reading Mascot Bitter Friday Giftures
DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
The reason I know that I was meant to live in this period of history, is because this is the best time period to be lazy. Imagine me trying to get away with being lazy in Jurassic Park era. As soon as I decided that I wanted to hang out in the cave, I would … Continue reading DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
My Bitter Blog is a 4th Grader
Interruption in the beginning of the blog because nobody reads past the first sentence. I will be making a big announcement on this blog on Friday. Now, back to the beginning of the blog post. Technically, this blog started 48 years ago, when my dad and mom looked at each other and said "Okay, I … Continue reading My Bitter Blog is a 4th Grader
Download Bitter Friday Giftures
We are all downloading something these days. Sometimes it takes a long time, other times just a second or two, depending on the speed of your connection and how big the download is. Some of them take up a whole lot of your hard drive space, and others just a tiny little bit. Back in … Continue reading Download Bitter Friday Giftures
Statistical Nightmare Bitterness
Hey guys, having a good start to 2021? Me? Not so much. In fact, I have a beef to pick with you guys and it has a lot to do with the statistics on this blog. I know that statistics can be skewed quite a bit, especially in favor of the guy that is making … Continue reading Statistical Nightmare Bitterness
Bitter Plan-it Hauling Wood
My aspirations when I was growing up were not too much different than other kids my age. Most of them wanted to be Superman or Batman or a fireman. I also wanted to be in the comics, but as minion #2 for a nefarious megalomaniac dude (or dudette) bent on world domination. As per my life, nothing went smoothly or according to plan, though I've heard you … Continue reading Bitter Plan-it Hauling Wood
Not Wanted: Lost Puppy Blog
You didn't think this had anything to do with puppies did you? It was a ploy like a bad sports or newspaper headline to attract readership. But why would I ever want to attract you here? It just makes more work for me and work is the last thing I want to do on a Monday … Continue reading Not Wanted: Lost Puppy Blog
Crashing into Friday Giftures
Did this week feel like a train wreck in progress to everyone else like it did to me? I don't know if you remember all the way back to Monday, but it was a whole month ago (September) and that is a busy month for my job. Â It required me to sit at my desk … Continue reading Crashing into Friday Giftures
Disastrophy Friday Giftures
Let's face it. May has been a disastrophy. Things aren't going well. Spiderman 2 only made $92 million at the domestic box office, it is still raining every day in Seattle, and so far every day since the beginning of 2014, sports radio has said the name of Johnny Manziel. Now that he has finally … Continue reading Disastrophy Friday Giftures
Ben's Bitter Blog 