Scaredy Cat Bitter Friday Giftures

  For some reason, around this time of year, fears seem to pop up as an issue.  People seems to want to talk about their fear of spiders or ghosts or the dark or cholesterol or the way too upbeatness of SpongeBob.  Maybe it's because Halloween brings the spookiness out of people, or this time … Continue reading Scaredy Cat Bitter Friday Giftures

Pest Control for Humans

Cities have had a long history of having protectors of their fair citizens.  Superman has long protected the people of Metropolis from its powerful alien enemies.  Batman has learned to fight dirty and in the dark to protect the citizens of Gotham.  And Spiderman gracefully glides across, above and through the skyscrapers to protect New … Continue reading Pest Control for Humans

Watercooler Bitterness

A couple of nights ago, my daughter watched a new episode of her favorite show Gravity Falls (which is semi grown up Disney Show ). It was the Part 1 of a very big story arch, and while I watched her watch the show, I recognized a little bit of myself in her.  She looks … Continue reading Watercooler Bitterness

Fit Bitterness

According to the many commercials on the television thing, I'm supposed to be doing a lot of fitting in.  First there was the commercial run by the U.S. Postal Service advertising their priority mail box.  "If it fits, it ships," they said.  So I crammed all the heavy metal explosives along with a ticking clock, … Continue reading Fit Bitterness

Hospital Bitterness

I may or may not have recently visited the hospital recently.  I think some people love them, because they help save lives or help sick people or other important jobs like that.  I get that hospitals don't make much money, because they charge so little for their services.  I have heard from a reliable source … Continue reading Hospital Bitterness

Gears of Bitterness

One of my favorite video games of all time is Gears of War 3.  It's a manly tale of bros just hanging out, watching TV, eating pizza, playing video games, saving each others places in line. They also like to go shoot a few rounds at the range and hang out at each others houses.  … Continue reading Gears of Bitterness

I need Bitter Sound Effects in my Life

As you know, I'm a long time fan of television and movies.  The thing I like about television and movies is that I don't have to do anything.  What else is there where you can lay on your couch, eat pizza and not do things? The internet? Nope, that takes pushing buttons and paying attention. … Continue reading I need Bitter Sound Effects in my Life

Our Bitter Weather Explained By Aliens

I don't know if you've noticed in the last few years or so, but the weather has been a little bitter.  You know what I'm saying.  The east coast has been buried in snow the last few years, the midwest has been underwater more than the mortgages in 2008, and even the South, who hasn't … Continue reading Our Bitter Weather Explained By Aliens

Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Halloween vs. Christmas

As soon as August ends, summer is unofficially over and what I call the holiday quadrant of the year begins.  Let's be honest, no one gets out music and decorations for Flag Day.  Or puts up lights in their house for and starts getting ready for St. Patrick's Day.  Everybody is pretty patient for holidays … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Halloween vs. Christmas

Bitter Introductions to Friday Giftures

  This week we had some sales reps for our company in town, some of whom we have never met, so lunches were arranged between different departments so we could meet each other.  Meeting new people is the worst.  Pretending to care about what someone says, doing the dreadful small talk that all introverts hate … Continue reading Bitter Introductions to Friday Giftures

Maintaining a Bitter Balance

Watching people fall is pretty much the best thing ever.  If you haven't read (actually viewed would be more accurate) my Friday Giftures posts, they are generally gifs of people, animals, or robots falling.  When people fall, you might act genuinely concerned, but don't lie to yourself.  You are dying inside when you see someone … Continue reading Maintaining a Bitter Balance

The Bitterest Loser

Sunday is usually the day for me to lie down on favorite place in the world. The couch.  But my little sanctuary, my safe bitter place from all the world, was very rudely interrupted when one of the essentials of couch dwelling was missing.  The very thing that keeps me from moving the most was … Continue reading The Bitterest Loser

Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Sun vs. The Rain

I remember a story my mom and dad read to me when I was young.  Essentially, there was this dude that walked around with a coat on and the sun and the wind had a bet.  The one that could get the coat off the person would win as the supreme ruler of the sky. … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Sun vs. The Rain

The Bitter Barrier Reef of Giftures

  As an introvert, I do my best to keep my favorite company (myself)around as much as possible.  I try to stay at my desk not talking to people, and pray that they will see the invisible cocoon that I put up to prevent others speaking to me.  Unfortunately, some people are very bad at … Continue reading The Bitter Barrier Reef of Giftures

The Underwhelmingly Overrated Bitter 600th Post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp1VVWRvvxc You know those movie previews that you see during the SuperBowl that get you so charged up that you are ready to run through a wall to go to the theater and watch it right now? And then six months later when you actually see the movie, you want to take a toothbrush with … Continue reading The Underwhelmingly Overrated Bitter 600th Post

Bitter Post Auditions

From: Bitter Ben(bitterben@bitterben.com) Bitter Entertainment Network(BEN) Staff, As you know I hate meetings with the burning hatred of a thousand hot lava showers, and you hate them like the burn of the Insanity workout, so I'm going to give you information in this email that would have taken 2 hours to do in a meeting. … Continue reading Bitter Post Auditions

Dear Future Ben

Hey Old Bitter Ben, You will probably never see this because I assume you are wearing super thick glasses that only allow you to read huge billboard signs, but you won't ever get to see those because you are stuck inside all day.  Either that or you can't drive and can only get to the … Continue reading Dear Future Ben

Slow Start Friday Giftures

When it comes to getting going on the day, I am a molasses starter.  I'm not talking about waking up, which I do after the first alarm, or being awake (I only sleep 5-6 hours a night) but getting a start on being productive.  But on the other hand, when I'm only productive about 1-2 … Continue reading Slow Start Friday Giftures