Extra Day Bitterness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLpDiIVX0Wo You know that advertisement for Extra gum where the guy meets the girl in high school? They have all kinds of special moments so he starts drawing them on Extra gum wrappers? Then he proposes to her by showing her all the drawings he made on the wrappers? Talk about giving extra to get … Continue reading Extra Day Bitterness

Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Inside vs. The Outside

It's the Oscars weekend and you know what that means. Actually, I don't, so if you know, can you tell me? Because I have no idea. I think it has something to do with some very wealthy and famous people, dressing up like it is prom and then nominating each other for the king and … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Inside vs. The Outside

Clean up in Aisle Friday Bitter Giftures…

  For a guy that is a big slob that makes messes both literal and figurative, it is kind of ironic that I am in charge of cleaning up after people all the time. Obviously I don't mean clean up in a literal sense, because that would require me taking steps off my couch or … Continue reading Clean up in Aisle Friday Bitter Giftures…

Fail Hard 2: Fail Harder

I've been feeling a little down lately.  You know that feeling you get when just feel like you could be so much more?  That feeling where you just aren't living up to your full potential? I've been working my whole life to make a difference and just can't get over this proverbial hump. I just … Continue reading Fail Hard 2: Fail Harder

If I had a Self Driving Car

Google is good for a few things I guess. Like baeing my spelchck, being a Pac-Man emulator in a pinch, helping me remember how to get to Google.com and Facebook.com when I get too lazy, or giving me directions home when my memory loss kicks in.  What were we talking about? Oh yes, and the … Continue reading If I had a Self Driving Car

Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Easy Way vs. The Hard Way

As I mentioned earlier this week, I grew up in South Dakota. A little known fact about South Dakota. The streets went uphill both way. The street always had 4 feet of snow on them every day of the year. There were no cars or calculators, or technology. Heck, there wasn't even Google. My eyes … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Easy Way vs. The Hard Way

Up Bitter Creek Friday Giftures

I just heard that it reached 90 degrees in Arizona, which I'm told is the record for earliest 90 degree day there ever. This happened as the rain continues to drizzle in the plizzle where I livel fo shizzle. Did you just see how my language devolved into 1990's Snoop Dog? How uncool was that? … Continue reading Up Bitter Creek Friday Giftures

Your Day of Reckoning is Coming

I was born in California, close to LA.  When I was 6 we moved to New York, Long Island to be exact. Then all my chances of and becoming a bi-coastal superstar and ever being cool died at the age of 8, when we moved to South Dakota.  South Dakota is not only in the … Continue reading Your Day of Reckoning is Coming

Monday Morning Snapback

After one of the more memorably mentally exhausting weekends in recent memory, we can finally put the objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear(the rear view mirror). Now that it is Monday morning, we can make like Abe Lincoln and start slaying Zombies and make like George Washington and start chopping down … Continue reading Monday Morning Snapback

The Four Chambers of my Bitter Heart

  I'm seeing a lot of hearts around lately.  When I was at Target, I saw them on little cards with basketball players, Spongebob and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.  They had really bad pun sayings on them that only I would appreciate.  (Even kids groan at these things.) There was also candy and chocolate … Continue reading The Four Chambers of my Bitter Heart

Going down in flames Friday Giftures

  Yesterday I was reading about a so-called author named E.L. Stein or James or something that wrote a coloring book about different shades of gray? Talk about a boring book.  Is there any color more boring than gray? I live in Seattle, where there are actually that many colors of grey almost every day … Continue reading Going down in flames Friday Giftures

National Pizza Day

I don't remember much from seventh grade; I had a crush on a girl who could type way faster than me, I remember math quickly becoming my bitter rival, and my first time in art class, the teacher asked us what our favorite food(okay maybe I do remember a lot). As an introvert, I sat … Continue reading National Pizza Day

Ninja Escape Bitterness

Last weekend I died.  Don't worry, it didn't hurt too much.  Amazingly, I can still blog from the great beyond.  You are probably all so excited to hear about that. I know I owe you an explanation, but I don't always pay people what I owe right away.  Perhaps, if you send a pizza my … Continue reading Ninja Escape Bitterness

Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Order vs. Chaos

Whenever I take a shower, I put on my shampoo, which then seems to form some sort of thinking cap, because all my bitterly terrible ideas start flowing out.  All the ideas sound brilliant at the time, but then as soon as I dry off or start writing them down, start not making sense anymore. … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Order vs. Chaos

It’s all Downhill from here Friday Giftures

Everyone goes through peaks and valleys or as I like to call them The Middle of the Sun during Summer and Middle of the Antarctic in the winter.  You might reach your peak efficiency of the work week on Wednesday at 10 am, or you might reach you absolute low at 3 pm on Tuesday. … Continue reading It’s all Downhill from here Friday Giftures

Becoming a Pizza Gardener

Last Friday, I was eating a sandwich from a place called Home Grown that was really good, and it came with some chips that were also really good.  One of my co-workers wondered aloud if they actually grew the potatoes themselves to make the chips.  That lead me to then say, "Nope. I think they … Continue reading Becoming a Pizza Gardener

The Bitter Groundhog

Let's face it. The groundhog is famous for only two things.  Every February they are known for disappointing millions of people by seeing their shadow or not seeing their shadow(whichever one it is, I don't think anyone knows) and predicting that we have 6 more weeks of winter.  Though if you want to be disappointed … Continue reading The Bitter Groundhog

My Bitter New Career

When I was in 7th grade, we did a career day where we had to decide what we wanted to be when we grew up. I decided that I wanted to be an advertising copywriter.  So I stuck with that dream and decided that anything that didn't have to do with writing copy was worthless … Continue reading My Bitter New Career