That whole expression about taking candy from a baby is really kind of obvious. First of all, the little runts really aren't supposed to be eating candy. Especially in those vital first years. And if they are trying to eat it, you are just doing a service for them. Candy would rot all their … Continue reading It’s like giving candy to a baby…Bitter Friday Giftures
Month: February 2017
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: George Washington vs. Abraham Lincoln
For the first time in 15 years, I won't be working the day after President's Day. This is a good thing, because it used to be the worst day at my old job. It was always a double duty day, because most of the dealer's we worked with didn't get President's Day off, so we … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: George Washington vs. Abraham Lincoln
Delivering the Facial Friday Giftures
As we embark on the NBA All-Star weekend, we celebrate what the NBA is most famous for. Not the slam dunk or the 3 point shot, or the monster block, but the trash talk. It isn't good enough to dunk on someone, you have to then deliver a well placed insult to the opponent you … Continue reading Delivering the Facial Friday Giftures
F.O.M.I. Bitterness
I have a son who is an extrovert. Somehow in the midst of three other family members who just prefer to skip a party, we got an extrovert who must be around people 24/7 or he will die an instant death (it might have something to do with him being adopted, but that is a … Continue reading F.O.M.I. Bitterness
The Bitter Heart Replacement
For years, I've talked about wanting to become less of a person and more of a robot. Why people want to have so many fleshy people parts is beyond me. I don't know about you, but I would really like to have parts of my body that didn't hurt all the time. My shoulders, my … Continue reading The Bitter Heart Replacement
Friday Day Live on Friday Giftures
Seeing that the ratings on this show have been dipping for a while, I thought we would try something a little different to get the ratings up. Actually, we are going to do pretty much what other shows do when their ratings are dipping. We are going to do a live blog. So starting … Continue reading Friday Day Live on Friday Giftures
My Bitter I.O.W.A. experience
I grew up in South Dakota. As the butt of almost all jokes from other states except from our Northern brethren, North Dakota, it was hard to defend South Dakota. Most states were either bigger, faster, stronger or more famous than us. At least I was from the biggest town in South Dakota, which was … Continue reading My Bitter I.O.W.A. experience
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Lamborghini’s vs. Tanks
As we all hungrily (airs faced squarely in the air) await the Super Bitter Bowl today, to satiate our appetites for the predictably highest rated program of the year, let us look to one of the more interesting rivalries out there. First up is the the "Lambo" as it is affectionately called, has a mysterious … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Lamborghini’s vs. Tanks
Trending: Bitter Friday Giftures
It's hotter than the trendiest nightclub, cooler than the cold weather the groundhog is predicting for the next 6 weeks, fresher than the bagels at Einsteins Bagels this morning, more bitter than unsweetened chocolate, and more hashtagy trending that Twitter and upwardly blue arrowy than Facebook. Iiiiit's Bitter Friday Giftures.... Though the gifs are … Continue reading Trending: Bitter Friday Giftures
If you were invincible, how would you waste your powers?
I was reading a comic the other day about a girl that was struck by lightning and given super powers. When first given those powers, she decided that she would use them for doing good. She would rescue stray dogs, fight bad guys and punch a hole in injustice. She ended up doing none of … Continue reading If you were invincible, how would you waste your powers?
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