You know that old saying, "I am rubber and you are glue, bounces off of me and sticks to you." Also, the one that says, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Yeah, those saying only apply to other people. Words stick to ME like glue. Sticks and stone … Continue reading Words stick to me like Glue
Month: May 2018
It’s Finally Q&A Time
You bitterlings finally came up with some questions for me to answer. Not very good ones mind you, but that's okay, because I don't have very good answers. From Does It Even Matter? Q’s: Were you born bitter or did that develop over time? Bitterness was something I was born with. I spend 9 months … Continue reading It’s Finally Q&A Time
Music on Repeat
Did everyone have as bitter of a weekend as I did? I mean seriously, we got the same NBA Finals as we have the last four years? The weather was fairly lackluster and haven't blogged since last Friday, so it seems like it has been an eternity since I've written a terrible blog post. Though … Continue reading Music on Repeat
We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogram…
...to bring your this message from the Emergency Bittercast System. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pizvdm_DbFY Bitter Ben was going to write another terrible bitter blog post today, but he is unavailable today, because it is Memorial Day and he is asleep right now. Because he is sleeping right now, I am going to take over the blog to … Continue reading We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogram…
The Devil’s Haircut Bitter Friday Giftures
I have almost no hair. I've never really had much and honestly I've never even wanted long hair, even back in the 80's when lots of dudes did. I'm not much of a fan of hair because it grosses me out when it gets in my mouth or near my face. Anyways, the haircut … Continue reading The Devil’s Haircut Bitter Friday Giftures
Cheese School
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqF3LeZ7fJA I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life. You probably know a few of them, and the rest of them, well, I'm not telling you and you can't make me. My bad decisions have made me who I am. A bitter, lazy, aging old man who still hasn't climbed my way to … Continue reading Cheese School
Bitter Germaphobes
Many years ago, when I first moved to Seattle, I didn't have a job, so I took little side jobs, and this family that lived near us with six kids was going on a trip to Europe. They were looking for a babysitter and unfortunately, I was available. My wife accepted the job for me, … Continue reading Bitter Germaphobes
Bitter Auto Sarcastic Answerer
My life gets really hectic sometimes. I have all kinds of people to ignore, situations that take time to avoid, and work that needs to be done that I need to find excuses for not doing. It is a hectic life and one that doesn't allow a lot of time for ambition. It's not easy … Continue reading Bitter Auto Sarcastic Answerer
Maniac Monday – How did I survive?
I was at my sister's house for dinner the other day. My wife was out of town and I was trying to single parent for the week. I made the easy stuff, like Mac N Cheese and the Chicken Alfredo from Costco. So, I decided to allow my sister to have us over for dinner, … Continue reading Maniac Monday – How did I survive?
Yanny vs. Laurel Friday Giftures
Oh my gosh, seriously. An audio file is taking over the internet, going viral. An audio file. The last time an audio file was popular when back in the 1990's when computers were first using them. Last night my sister and I were educating my kids about VCR's, the internet not existing when we … Continue reading Yanny vs. Laurel Friday Giftures
Content Is King
There has been a lot of talk lately about this royal wedding. I don't know if it is a big deal because the girl from Suits and Deal or No Deal gets to be a princess, or because Harry is finally settling down, but it all seems like a lot of talk for a whole … Continue reading Content Is King
Transform and Roll Out
I was a child of the 80's. Unlike most children of the 80's, I thought that decade sucked. There were a few good things about it. There was Back to the Future, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Run DMC, but for the most part, I didn't participate in most of the crappy movies, TV … Continue reading Transform and Roll Out
Sometimes I feel like…somebodies watching me Bitterness
When I was in high school, I worked at Target. I usually closed up shop around 11 pm, then drove home on the abandoned roads of Sioux Falls. When I was in high school, I could be kind of a jerk as you might be able to imagine. Anyways, on the way home one night, … Continue reading Sometimes I feel like…somebodies watching me Bitterness
Maniac Monday – I bumped my head on the Fridge
Even though I am pretty clumsy, I have never broken a bone. (Not that I haven't tried.) When I was in fourth grade, I was at recess and was playing this game called "Run and slip on the ice". (I lived in South Dakota, where ice slipping is considered a sport.) and fell and hurt … Continue reading Maniac Monday – I bumped my head on the Fridge
Borientation Bitter Friday Giftures
For all you The Office fan's out there, the borientation is what Micheal Scott calls the orientation that Toby wants Micheal to give when he welcomes the new members of the Stamford branch. Of course, Micheal always has different ideas, more creative ideas, just like most of us creative people. He decides to make … Continue reading Borientation Bitter Friday Giftures
Bitter Part Extensions
I've often talked about my desire to someday become a cyborg. Seriously, who wouldn't want to replace their creaky knees for something metal and mechanical that would only break down if you don't oil it enough. Replace this ailing shoulder with some hardcore vibrainium that is as hard as Captain America's sheild? Sounds good … Continue reading Bitter Part Extensions
This Dream is Sponsored By Little Caesars
When I was in junior high, I was already starting to think about my career, all because one of my stupid teachers told us we had to think about careers. My initial decision was advertising. Then, when I got to high school, I had to take a speech class which wasn't terrifrying at all. The … Continue reading This Dream is Sponsored By Little Caesars
Mr. Clean
My wife likes to torture me with the TV she watches. She loves to watch Hallmark and Lifetime network shows. Even worse though are Intervention. My least favorite of all is Hoarders. Hoarders sickens me. I am not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination. That show makes me sick to my stomach. Not … Continue reading Mr. Clean
Maniac Monday – False Alarms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsmVgoXDq2w I was thinking about doing a new segment here on the blog and what a bitter way to start it then on this Monday when I am particularly bitter about a certain subject. But first, lemme tell you what the segment is called. Maniac Monday, of course stolen by the song by the Bangles, … Continue reading Maniac Monday – False Alarms
Shake Your Money Earner Bitter Friday Giftures
I know you all what my brand is on this blog, Bitter, but if this were an actual brand that made money, what do you think the "catch phrase" would be? Meaning, if this blog was a television show, and you knew the show wouldn't be complete without having this post every week, what … Continue reading Shake Your Money Earner Bitter Friday Giftures
Ben's Bitter Blog 