One time when I was in college, I was so distraught by a girl breaking up with me, that I slept in until 4 pm. It was the oddest sensation I'd ever felt. When I woke up, I went to the campus bookstore, and it was already closed for the day. People had already woken … Continue reading Late to the Party Bitter Friday Giftures
Disasters
Life Isn’t About a Box Of Chocolates Bitterness
The first time I watched Forrest Gump, I didn't make it all the way through. I was on a date with a girl, and I could tell she was getting a little uncomfortable. I asked her if she wanted to leave, and she said she did. So we walked out and continued our date elsewhere. … Continue reading Life Isn’t About a Box Of Chocolates Bitterness
The Bitter Corruption Industry
Ten years ago, I was living in Seattle at the peak of my misery. If you've lived in Seattle, you know there is only two seasons. One lasts 11 and a half months and it's cloudy, cold, rainy, wet and windy. The other two weeks, the sun vacationed in Seattle, but it was only for … Continue reading The Bitter Corruption Industry
Electric Blue Bitterness
I've spent most of my life trying to spread bitterness like most people spread frozen butterness on their toast. Just like the spreaders of butter on toast, it's hard work and it rarely works out how I want it to. After spreading bitterness for almost 50 years, I finally decided to make the world better … Continue reading Electric Blue Bitterness
Forward Thinking BFG’s
I've been running this Bitter Blog Empire for 11 years now, thus making me an expert in running blog empires, according to Malcom Gladwell. To prove it, I've written 1446 posts, each which average over 500 words per post. That is 723,000 words that I've created mostly from brain. A few monkeys pounded some words … Continue reading Forward Thinking BFG’s
My Hostage Demands
There are a lot of things that I am, but one of the things I'm not is a demanding person. If you are a customer service rep, you want my name to pop up on your caller ID, because this is going to be an easy call. If you are my family, you know I … Continue reading My Hostage Demands
Everything is Merging Bitterness
Star Date: December 15, 1984. I don't remember many days in my life. I remember a few of my birthday's and occasionally I remember the day I got married. Sometimes, I remember my kid's births, but beyond that, I don't remember many days. Most of them just merge together. But December 15, 1984 was one … Continue reading Everything is Merging Bitterness
A/B itter Testing BFG’s
When I was young, I had a really diverse palate. I ate mushed up peas, carrots, bananas and even apples. My mom fooled me into believing that they tasted good by using a deceptive trick she called airplane mode. She would maneuver a spoonful of yucky tasting crushed up carrots in an airplane motion to … Continue reading A/B itter Testing BFG’s
Slightly Off Balance Bitterness
I have no balance in my life, and it's my right leg's fault. When I was in junior high, whenever I wanted to participate in a sport, I had to get the yearly physical. Junior high was already the worst and most embarrassing and humiliating part of my life. The physical was just the cherry … Continue reading Slightly Off Balance Bitterness
The Gym Hasn’t Been Working Out BFG’s
The Gym hasn't been working out, which is ironic, because the gym wants everyone else to workout. (Holding for applause on my dad joke...aaaand back to the post.) My wife likes to make fun of me, because I have all these routines and when she sidetracks them, I get a little cranky and bitter. I … Continue reading The Gym Hasn’t Been Working Out BFG’s
Working on Christmas Bitter Friday Giftures
I've been in the working industry for a long time. When I was a kid, my dad told me that there was no such thing as a free lunch. Since I was born at 8 pm at night, I was already proven as the laziest family member because I didn't have my first job until … Continue reading Working on Christmas Bitter Friday Giftures
Scouts Make Me Shout Bitterness
When I was young, I loved the Transformers. Coming home to watch the Transformers was my reward for making it through a hard 6-hour day of school. One of my favorite characters was the advanced scout, Mirage, because he could turn invisible and would warn the Autobots of an early attack by Decepticons. I must … Continue reading Scouts Make Me Shout Bitterness
Famous Relatives Bitter Friday Giftures
Fun Fact: I am in the movie Jaws. Not as an actor, no as in my name. And it might be at one of the scariest parts. If you don't believe me, watch this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDs5a0BcEzY Other than this obscure fact about my name is in the first ever summer blockbuster, and the runaway success of … Continue reading Famous Relatives Bitter Friday Giftures
48 Things I’m Bitter About
Mirrors are such liars. I wake up every morning knowing that I am handsome and funny like Steve Carell, but as soon as I look in the mirror, I see this strange, weird, bitter older looking guy. So they are pretty useless and bad liars. It's this time of year, that I finally realize that … Continue reading 48 Things I’m Bitter About
Bitter Book Bitterness
Recently, I did a blog post about the fact that I've been blogging for 9 years now. Which seems crazy, because I barely have the attention span of a gnat. This blog is older than most gnats. Except for that gnat that looks like Prince Phillip. You might think that I've done nothing else in … Continue reading Bitter Book Bitterness
DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
The reason I know that I was meant to live in this period of history, is because this is the best time period to be lazy. Imagine me trying to get away with being lazy in Jurassic Park era. As soon as I decided that I wanted to hang out in the cave, I would … Continue reading DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
My Bitter Blog is a 4th Grader
Interruption in the beginning of the blog because nobody reads past the first sentence. I will be making a big announcement on this blog on Friday. Now, back to the beginning of the blog post. Technically, this blog started 48 years ago, when my dad and mom looked at each other and said "Okay, I … Continue reading My Bitter Blog is a 4th Grader
Download Bitter Friday Giftures
We are all downloading something these days. Sometimes it takes a long time, other times just a second or two, depending on the speed of your connection and how big the download is. Some of them take up a whole lot of your hard drive space, and others just a tiny little bit. Back in … Continue reading Download Bitter Friday Giftures
Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures
I've always been a big advocate of people leaving me alone. One of my best defenses against people talking to me was this marvelous invention called headphones. When people see them on me, they should assume that I am listening to something of utmost importance, even if I'm only listening to a goofy podcast, or … Continue reading Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures
Racing Trains Bitter Friday Giftures
Remember the end of the original The Fast and the Furious movie where Vin Diesel and Paul Walker were racing and they were being chased by the cops? They ended up racing against a train and barely avoided getting hit by it. Well, you can now call me the Fast and the Bitter. Well, that … Continue reading Racing Trains Bitter Friday Giftures
Ben's Bitter Blog 