Ben’s Bitter Book Begging

Bitter Beggar Ben

Alright bitter people. It’s time for me to get a little uncomfortable and do something that I am completely awkward at. Even though I worked in customer service and telemarketing for years. I need to beg a little. But before I do so, let’s get the inside scoop about why I will be begging first.

When I was in 7th grade, our English teacher forced us to take this career assessment test that told us what we were good at. I wasn’t really good at anything, but I decided that I needed to have a career that made me tons of money for a little effort. Since I was lazy, I went in alphabetical order and it came down to accounting and advertising. Since I was terrible at math and had no interest in numbers, I chose advertising. What I didn’t know, was that in order to be good at advertising you had to either be good at art (not so much) or writing (only slightly better). Didn’t matter. I decided to be a copywriter so I could make up terrible slogans.

I continued to focus on copywriting because changing plans is hard work.Ā  It was in the back of my mind, but I didn’t try to get the skills they needed. I just assumed I would get a degree and they would hand out jobs at the job store.

Please tell me more about accounting.

Okay, I’m rambling. Allow me to ramble more. I ended as a stupid telemarketer. About 10 years ago, I started to realize that telemarketing/customer service wasn’t for me, because I can’t stand people and I hate talking on the phone. When I was in deep thought one day, I decided that I needed to start writing. Not for anyone, but just me. So I started journaling. That lead to wanting to write a book. I did so for about 3 years and a complete first draft. Just like with every dream I’ve had, I didn’t follow through.Ā  No first, second or third draft, because I’m bad at finishing.

6 years ago, I started a blog. A bitter one. You know about it, because you are reading it right now. Anyways, I got this brilliant idea, to write another book. A book that has basically already been written. You know, this one. A Ben’s Bitter Blog Book.

Now comes the begging part. I need money. From you guys. The Bitter Following Gang(BFG). Bittertarians? Or whatever the heck you guys come up with to describe my followers, Swifty style. So, I started a Gofundme. One that will allow me write this book, and pay to get it published.

I know you guys have money. Lots of it. You guys are authors, CEO’s, VP’s, uh, telemarketers, Wendy’s Drive up window engineers, Gap people with ear things in their ears, advertising copywriters, ETC.

I’m not good at math, but I have 10,000 followers on this here blog and if you all donate like 100 dollars, then I will have like a billion dollars? That is what it will take to get me on the road to getting my dream fulfilled. Anyways, I don’t really need that much, but it would be great to get $500. I would really appreciate it if you would get me to that point. I’m sure that I will get $499 and become the most bitter person ever.

If you can’t donate, that’s fine. Just disappoint this cat or whatever below. If not, just leave a comment about what you would like to be called in the comments. You know, the Bitter Squad or whatever you want to be called.

Pleeeeeaaassseee?

Here is my last beg. Pllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeee! Here is the link. Go Fund Me!

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Beggar Ben

Advertisements

49 thoughts on “Ben’s Bitter Book Begging

  1. Recently, and this will make you bitter as hell, an aide in a not-for-profit organization emailed their responders that a particular candidate needed their support. Asking $1.00 from everyone as quickly as possible, so as not allow further tyrani.
    3,600,000 emails were sent and $3,100,000.00 came in. He then quit the organization and moved to some Island somewhere. If I find him, I’m asking for my damn dollar back.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Decent April Fool’s! You had me at “bitter people” then I kinda faded at “Okay, I’m rambling” and finally blacked out right after “Now comes the begging part…” Did anything good happen after that?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, I think some people believed it. Someone actually contributed, which I feel like I can now use against all the other people who just treated it as my April Fool’s joke, but would still like money.

      Like

  3. I will be interested to see how this works out. It’s a good idea!!! Maybe I will try it! Or maybe I could convince people to donate and I will give them one of my books for free with every $10 donation. Good luck with your campaign!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m in love with your sense of bitter spirit. I wish I could donate bitterly I’m unemployed n still leaving with my parents. I think I love us to be bitterians.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think bittertarians would be a good but my wife gave me the suggestion of bitterling. I will maybe take a vote on it at a later time, with yours and my wife’s being one of the options. As far as donations go, that was more of an April Fools joke, but when you get employed, I expect a large portion of each check, much like the government takes from you.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Wish I could help, but my job in the essential oil business just ended a couple of weeks ago, so my cash flow just ended. Best of luck, Ben, and may the other benevolent bloggers bestow a bounty of bucks to bolster your book, and may life get better, not bitter.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Bad news from me, Ben. I am a lowly factory worker with an underemployed (but hard-working, not dissing the hubby) husband and very bad financial sense, and I made very bad decisions for most of my working life, with the result that, I do not have any money to give you. But when you finally publish your book, I will go to Barns & Noble and purchase one on my over-stressed credit card.

    Liked by 3 people

      • WHAT??? You have not actually completed a book? I feel betrayed. And disgusted with myself, as I always am when I get caught in an April Fool, which, I almost always do. Because I am a fool. I will buy your future book, unless it is an e-book, because I do not own an e-reader.

        Like

        • I just need to come up with the idea on how to connect all the tissues of the blog posts. Once I do that, it will be easy as all the posts are already here. Anyways, no e-books for me. I like real paper.

          Liked by 1 person

Your Bitter Comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s