My Hostage Demands

There are a lot of things that I am, but one of the things I'm not is a demanding person. If you are a customer service rep, you want my name to pop up on your caller ID, because this is going to be an easy call. If you are my family, you know I … Continue reading My Hostage Demands

Dumb Ways to Die BFG’s

A long time ago, in a land not so far away, 3 other guys and I did a not-planned-very-well-at-all day trip to a canyon, in which they decided to be dumb and drive down into ravine in early May. In the location of which I speak, it was a steep climb back up and snow … Continue reading Dumb Ways to Die BFG’s

Potemkin Village Bitterness

When I graduated from college in 1998, I started working as a junior copywriter for a Fortune 500 company. At least that was what was supposed to happen, according to the movies. Unfortunately, I didn't go to Harvard, MIT, or even the lowly Yale. If you aren't related to a Rockefeller, a Gates or a … Continue reading Potemkin Village Bitterness

Enter the Matrix BFG’s

The other day I decided to do something really different at work. After listening to another podcast about why I am dying at slow death every day from sitting too much, I stood up, and walked away from my desk. It wasn't for very long, of course, but enough to actually make a journey to … Continue reading Enter the Matrix BFG’s

The Gym Hasn’t Been Working Out BFG’s

The Gym hasn't been working out, which is ironic, because the gym wants everyone else to workout. (Holding for applause on my dad joke...aaaand back to the post.) My wife likes to make fun of me, because I have all these routines and when she sidetracks them, I get a little cranky and bitter. I … Continue reading The Gym Hasn’t Been Working Out BFG’s

Man’s Search for Comedy

I've spent the last 49 years cultivating a wit so sharp that onions cry when I cut them. Ninja's use my wit to sharpen their blades. Comedians wear ski masks and avoid detection from my brain's security system just to steal jokes from me. I feel like Usain Bolt slowing down for a turtle when … Continue reading Man’s Search for Comedy

Scouts Make Me Shout Bitterness

When I was young, I loved the Transformers. Coming home to watch the Transformers was my reward for making it through a hard 6-hour day of school. One of my favorite characters was the advanced scout, Mirage, because he could turn invisible and would warn the Autobots of an early attack by Decepticons. I must … Continue reading Scouts Make Me Shout Bitterness

Water We Doing Bitter Friday Giftures

My favorite thing to do at work is chatting and chilling with my co-workers. Who needs headphones or distracting work when you can absentmindedly trade small talk with your co-workers. The day wouldn't feel complete without having to get off your headphones so you can answer such questions as, "Good morning". I feel like I'm … Continue reading Water We Doing Bitter Friday Giftures

The Brinch who Stole Christmas…Vacation

Hello all. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to doing posts around Christmas, but I'm really good at reposting some classics. So I hope you enjoy. And Bitter Christmas to you all. He is as green as Eggs and Ham.  He is as green as the Redwood Forest.  He is as green as the Hulk … Continue reading The Brinch who Stole Christmas…Vacation

The Upside Downiverse Bitter Friday Giftures

As the calendar flips to October, Halloweenites can finally breathe easy with knowledge that they can finally come out of the closet...with their decorations, costumes, candy and fake graveyards. I used to work with a guy that loved Halloween so much, that he said he started working on his costume for Halloween on November 1st. … Continue reading The Upside Downiverse Bitter Friday Giftures

Streamer Bitter Friday Giftures

When I was 22, I had the energy to work a full day, come home, play a sport, and then after that go out and enjoy some time with friends and then come home and stay up until 4 am. I never did any of those things, but I had the energy to do those … Continue reading Streamer Bitter Friday Giftures

Underground Lair Bitter Friday Giftures

We've all lost a lot in the pandemic. Lost lives, lost jobs, lost businesses, lost freedoms and lost breathing (you know from those dang masks). All I know is that I'm never wearing one of those things again. I've personally lost a lot of things since the pandemic started too. I'm still missing one of … Continue reading Underground Lair Bitter Friday Giftures

48 Things I’m Bitter About

Mirrors are such liars. I wake up every morning knowing that I am handsome and funny like Steve Carell, but as soon as I look in the mirror, I see this strange, weird, bitter older looking guy. So they are pretty useless and bad liars. It's this time of year, that I finally realize that … Continue reading 48 Things I’m Bitter About

April Fool Bitter Friday Giftures

Other than the my birthday and Christmas, April Fool's Day is probably my favorite day of the year. It was especially awesome back in the day when the company I worked for had year end on March 31st, which meant we often had to stay until really late pretending to work or something. So the … Continue reading April Fool Bitter Friday Giftures

Bitter Book Bitterness

Recently, I did a blog post about the fact that I've been blogging for 9 years now. Which seems crazy, because I barely have the attention span of a gnat. This blog is older than most gnats. Except for that gnat that looks like Prince Phillip. You might think that I've done nothing else in … Continue reading Bitter Book Bitterness

Selling a Piece of History Bitter Friday Giftures

For anyone who read my blog post on Tuesday, I promised a big announcement and since I am really good at disappointing all of you, here it is. But before I announce it let's get some context. You see, in recent days, something weird has taken over the news. You might have seen it in … Continue reading Selling a Piece of History Bitter Friday Giftures

Pillow Bitter Friday Giftures

I cannot sleep! Yesterday during my typical 3 pm lull, I was struggling to doze off. As a late 40's guy, I've never struggled to get at least 15 winks here and there at the computer, while pretending to do work, but lately it's been a struggle bus. It would be easy to blame things … Continue reading Pillow Bitter Friday Giftures

Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures

I've always been a big advocate of people leaving me alone. One of my best defenses against people talking to me was this marvelous invention called headphones. When people see them on me, they should assume that I am listening to something of utmost importance, even if I'm only listening to a goofy podcast, or … Continue reading Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures

Cartoonish Behavior Bitter Friday Giftures

Last week I talked about when I was a kid and how people were always trying to get me to go play more sports. I guess sports were supposed to teach me about getting in shape, working with a bunch of other people and following rules or something. As you can see, all those things … Continue reading Cartoonish Behavior Bitter Friday Giftures