Contest Loser

I believe that ancestry is pretty important because you get all your traits from the DNA of the people that came before you. My parents tell me that I came from a bunch of Scottish people, which I've been told in the media are pretty bitter people. I feel for those who are born from … Continue reading Contest Loser

A Half as Bitter Friday Giftures

On my way in to work this morning, I heard there was a big war that was coming. Some big guy named Thanos was coming from some other part of the universe to earth and trying to destroy half of us. If I might just have an audience with Mr. Thanos, I would love to … Continue reading A Half as Bitter Friday Giftures

I’m ready to sell out

I've never been to a concert in my life. I don't know if it is because I like money, because I want to my ears to work, because no one has ever invited me to one, or be...oh yeah, it's because I hate crowds. We've already talked about my claustraphobia this week. That is one … Continue reading I’m ready to sell out

Lettuce Talk about this Bitterness

The first job I ever had was at Little Caeser's Pizza. I was just a burgeoning bitterling at 15 and my dad told me I had to get a job. The only reason I got the job was because the manager was new and he didn't really know what he was doing either. He didn't … Continue reading Lettuce Talk about this Bitterness

Claustraphobia Bitterness

I don't have a lot of fears, other than a crippling sense of getting older, talking to other people, social anxiety and never living up to my really low ceiling of potential. I'm not afraid of the dark, or heights, or spiders or snakes like everyone else. So maybe I do have one irrational fear. … Continue reading Claustraphobia Bitterness

Stunt Eaters

When I went to college, I dreamed that my degree would propel me to a career in copywriting at a prestigous advertising firm. I would create campaigns for the coolest brands and companies like Nike. What I realized is that my degree forgot to get me any skills. When you don't have any skills employers … Continue reading Stunt Eaters

Storage Unit Bitter Friday Giftures

  When we moved here from Seattle, we had a lot of junk.  We knew we would only have a limited amount of space, so we had to get some place to put it. We were calling around different places to get rates, when a solution came out of nowhere. My sister's sister in law … Continue reading Storage Unit Bitter Friday Giftures

Work Flexibility

Much of my life is about routine. I don't take adventures to tall mountains even though they are mere minutes from where I live. I also don't go outside much, even though just a little glass and roof seperate me from that. Going outside doesn't excite me. The Great Indoors are what I crave. Why … Continue reading Work Flexibility

Bitter Nomadic Wanderers

When I was younger a friend and I were walking in a neighborhood that overlooked an empty field. He was from Japan and as you know, Japan is very dense when it comes to the amount of people that live there. As we overlooked the field, he replied wistfully that he wanted to be a … Continue reading Bitter Nomadic Wanderers

Bitter Magnetic Forces

Yesterday as I was driving home, my powerful little Dodge Caliber with its V-4 engine and it top 0-59 speed of 10 minutes was being bullied. There were high winds in the area, gusts up to 60 miles an hour. I don't know if you are familiar with how fast 60 miles an hour is, … Continue reading Bitter Magnetic Forces

My Metabolism is Broken

When I was a kid, I played basketball, mowed the lawn, snowblowed the driveway, and did several paper routes. I also worked for a bed delivery company that made me work 40 hours a week delivering beds, all at the same time. I never got tired. You could see my ribs then. That was a … Continue reading My Metabolism is Broken

Hot N Ready Bitter Friday Giftures

  Pizza. The food. Cheese, pepperoni, tomato sauce, just the right amount of grease. A circle inside a square box, cut into triangles. And in most cases delivered to your door, hot and ready. Goes perfectly with soda. Foldable, sliceable, fits nicely in your hand. Fits nicely on a plate, and even when you are … Continue reading Hot N Ready Bitter Friday Giftures

45 Things that make me bitter

  Today is the day that will go down in infamy. Oh wait, that is another speech. Besides, each day of my life goes down in infamy, but today is the day that I go from 44 to 45. So, unluckily for all of you, you get my annual list of things that make me … Continue reading 45 Things that make me bitter

The Big One is Coming Friday Bitter Giftures

  Nope we aren't talking about a big tsunami or an earthquake, though when I get up off the couch it might feel like it. No, the 45 years is coming on Monday. April is my favorite time of the year, because, of course, it isn't March. March is the worst. March is like the Monday … Continue reading The Big One is Coming Friday Bitter Giftures

National Don’t Hug A Person Bitterness

I like to go on Twitter to get all my news, because it normally comes with a bit of sass, sarcasm and of course bitterness. We really only got news from Facebook and Twitter. After our forced news outage we went through of over a year and a half, we finally have cable back so … Continue reading National Don’t Hug A Person Bitterness

April Foolish Bitterness

I just wanted to hop on here today and say a few things. First, April Fool's is the best holiday, not only because of the pranks and jokes and stuff, that make other people look like idiots, but also I get fooled a lot, and it makes me feel like an idiot. Most of the … Continue reading April Foolish Bitterness

Ben’s Bitter Book Begging

Alright bitter people. It's time for me to get a little uncomfortable and do something that I am completely awkward at. Even though I worked in customer service and telemarketing for years. I need to beg a little. But before I do so, let's get the inside scoop about why I will be begging first. … Continue reading Ben’s Bitter Book Begging