We’ve got a Nap for that

You know the old Apple ad slogan, "We've got an app for that?" It's a great one, because people always remember it. And people are always parodying it. Well, guess who is parodying it today? That's right, your not-so-friendly  neighborhood Bitterman, me. As a lifelong napper, I know for a fact that there is definitely … Continue reading We’ve got a Nap for that

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Energizer Benny

As you know, I major in sitting around on couch eating pizza, but sometimes people feel the need to get me off the duff that I sit so proudly on and make me move. One of the biggest offenders is my son. He is always asking me to do things with him. Not only is … Continue reading Energizer Benny

Water You Thinking?

  You know America has all kinds of first world problems. I'm not the richest of people, but I'm sure wealthier than most when it comes to the world. I've decided that you know you are a first world country when plentiful water is available. And I'm not talking about hurricanes that put a city … Continue reading Water You Thinking?

Swift End to Friday Giftures

  There is no better way to prepare for a weekend than trying to figure out why someone is stalking you. I'm not sure why anyone would want to stalk me, because my life is exceedingly dull and uninteresting, and all I have is this very famous blog as a platform, but for some reason … Continue reading Swift End to Friday Giftures

Identity Theft is Not a Bitter Joke

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RC5imk9sG1M Jim Halpert is my prankster idol. For 9 seasons, he spent most of his free time at work (and even extensive time after work), coming up with devious pranks to get Dwight back for being a stickler to rules or whatever. One of my favorite ones, was when Jim found a pair of Dwight … Continue reading Identity Theft is Not a Bitter Joke

Lice-ense to Kill

Just so you know, before you start reading this post, you are going to itch. It's inevitable. So, get out your itching powder or whatever it is that you need before you start reading. My family recently went back to Washington for a couple weeks. We didn't bring gifts, we brought something much better. My … Continue reading Lice-ense to Kill

A Total Eclipse of the Hero

If you haven't heard of the total eclipse of the sun that is coming, then you've been even more hidden from the news than I have. I took a quick trip to Seattle for a wedding this weekend, and it was all people could talk about. Mostly because people are taking pilgrimages up to Idaho … Continue reading A Total Eclipse of the Hero

I’m Not a Big Fan of Friday Giftures

  While the heat continues to plague us, we find ways to beat the heat. Since I have the air conditioning set at arctic temperatures, so I have to sleep in a heavy coat under my comforter, it is okay when I am inside the house. However, for those six seconds between the house and … Continue reading I’m Not a Big Fan of Friday Giftures

Bitter Exchange Program

I remember when I was a younger Bitter Ben and my skills at bitterness weren't as refined or perfected, and my family decided that having 5 kids plus two parents wasn't enough for our house. Since my sister was learning french, my parents decided to take in a foreign exchange student. Her name was Virginia … Continue reading Bitter Exchange Program

Driving Mr. and Mrs. Baby

Remember last weekend when I told you about my life in crime? When I was the most wanted driver in three states? Well, I guess all that crazy driving paid off. An old couple in my neighborhood got wind of my excellent driving skills(or maybe they just heard I was unemployed at the moment) and … Continue reading Driving Mr. and Mrs. Baby

Life’s Little Bitter Annoyances Friday Giftures

  It's not everyday when there are big bitter annoyances that happen like traffic accidents, or annoying co-workers talking to you all day. It's on those days when you need to search out  for the little things that annoy you. Sometimes you just have to be thankful for the mosquitoes buzzing in your ear, or … Continue reading Life’s Little Bitter Annoyances Friday Giftures

My Bitter Life of Crime

You would think that a guy that sits on the couch as much as I do, wouldn't attract the law as much as I do. You would think that a guy that drives like an old grandma that can barely see over her steering wheel, wouldn't have as many speeding tickets as I do. My … Continue reading My Bitter Life of Crime

An ode to the screens in my life

From the moment I wake up my screen wakes up too. The moment I put the head to the pillow my screens sleep too. This is an ode to my TV, my phone and my computer. We all have a combination of three in some manner.  You might replace the phone with a tablet, a … Continue reading An ode to the screens in my life

The Dog Days of Bitterness Friday Giftures

I guess it is August now, which means it is the dog days of the summer. That means we should lazily be sitting around the house like dogs do in a heat wave right? I am totally down with that. If Pizza Hut could go ahead and deliver pizza to my mouth that would be … Continue reading The Dog Days of Bitterness Friday Giftures

Bitter Family Reunions

  It's that time of the year now. All your fun vacations are over. You've spent time on your tropical island, did the amusement park, and toured the amazing architecture of some cathedral and it's back to work. You've used up all your vacation time, except for that one week you are hoping to use … Continue reading Bitter Family Reunions