My Metabolism is Broken

Mowed the lawn.

When I was a kid, I played basketball, mowed the lawn, snowblowed the driveway, and did several paper routes. I also worked for a bed delivery company that made me work 40 hours a week delivering beds, all at the same time. I never got tired.

You could see my ribs then. That was a long time ago. It was awful time where I had energy to do things.

Thankfully as I got older I made a course correction. Or my body getting older did. I used to be able to eat pizza all the time and not get this sensation called heartburn. Now, I can drink a glass of water as gross as that sounds, and break out in heartburn.

Every Day.

I used to be able to eat a Costco sized barrel of M&M’s and lose weight. Now, I look at one, and get heartburn.

I’m glad I’m not like that young fella. He hardly ever sat around enjoying the bitter things in life. He went outside and participated in things. He tried to talk to people, become friends, and be ignorant of how bitter people were. I’m glad he grew out of it. He finally broke the metabolism and became someone that didn’t want to accomplish stuff.

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Metabolism Ben

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16 thoughts on “My Metabolism is Broken

  1. Oh, that terrible metabolism. If I go out for a nice meal, I gain 3 pounds. If I eat lightly for a week, I lose 0 pounds. Now I need to lose my Christmas weight, Easter weight, and my birthday supper weight! AARRGGHH!

    Like

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