My Metabolism is Broken

Mowed the lawn.

When I was a kid, I played basketball, mowed the lawn, snowblowed the driveway, and did several paper routes. I also worked for a bed delivery company that made me work 40 hours a week delivering beds, all at the same time. I never got tired.

You could see my ribs then. That was a long time ago. It was awful time where I had energy to do things.

Thankfully as I got older I made a course correction. Or my body getting older did. I used to be able to eat pizza all the time and not get this sensation called heartburn. Now, I can drink a glass of water as gross as that sounds, and break out in heartburn.

Every Day.

I used to be able to eat a Costco sized barrel of M&M’s and lose weight. Now, I look at one, and get heartburn.

I’m glad I’m not like that young fella. He hardly ever sat around enjoying the bitter things in life. He went outside and participated in things. He tried to talk to people, become friends, and be ignorant of how bitter people were. I’m glad he grew out of it. He finally broke the metabolism and became someone that didn’t want to accomplish stuff.


Bitter Metabolism Ben


18 thoughts on “My Metabolism is Broken

  1. One of the great things about getting older, Ben , is there are so many more things to be bitter about! Thanks for being our bitter champion.


  2. Oh, that terrible metabolism. If I go out for a nice meal, I gain 3 pounds. If I eat lightly for a week, I lose 0 pounds. Now I need to lose my Christmas weight, Easter weight, and my birthday supper weight! AARRGGHH!


      • Check out Youtube Robert Preston Go you chickenfat go, or google, Give that chickenfat back to the chicken. The entry also contains the moose song. Ps believe it or not, we actually did this chicken nonsense every morning at school, because the president asked us to. Right before the pledge to the flag, and waiting under our desks for the Conalrad alert that we weren’t being attacked that day. Actually, the best thing for a metabolism is laughing.


        • Every school in the USA during the Kennedy administration. We were scared silly that the Russians had a space program, and might attack us, so we decided to make the nation fitter. This little gem of a song was premiered on the Johnny Carson show one night, and the next morning…pow. Every school in America. Along with fitness tests. It developed into the Airforce Aerobics programm, that was used on almost every college in America as a standard for fit students. (And hit the year I went to college- from the chicken fat song, to “a mile in under twelve minutes” in four years )


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