Finally Bitterly Published

Decided not to run for president in 2020 because I couldn't compete against this.

Decided not to run for president in 2020 because I couldn’t compete against this.

I’ve got announcement to make that should make everyone pretty bitter. No, I’m not running for president, because I’m afraid I would actually win, and that would require working and pretending to be important and stuff and that just doesn’t fit my schedule. It would interrupt my deep couch sitting and heavy snoring. Oh and I hear you have to be around other people and that just doesn’t suit me. Speaking of suits, I would have to wear them and they aren’t nearly as comfortable as sweats, so I think I’ll pass.

No thanks for the suits, yo.

No thanks for the suits, yo.

What I do have to announce is that I have been published for the first time. And not just the publish button that I will hit at the end of this blog post. By an actual magazine.  A magazine called Pilcrow and Dagger, which I was immediately attracted to because I had no idea what a Pilcrow was. And daggers are used to stab people in the back. And those ideals are what I stand for. Having no idea what I am doing, and stabbing people in the back.

Link to the website where I was published. 

So I decided to submit a short story that I plagiarized from a source I know very well. My bitter blog. That’s right. I stole the idea from three posts I wrote a couple of years ago. It is a short story about a guy that can’t stand his job and uses video games to escape. So nothing like me in real life. The problem for the “character” in the short story is that video games didn’t help him escape, they actually kidnapped him.

So here’s the story ABOUT the story. I submitted it specifically for the January issue, because my short story fit the theme for that month, which was science fiction, fantasy and fairy tales. Of course, it got rejected for that, because that would have made too much sense, and since when do things make sense for me? They asked if they could keep it for future issues, which meant to me exactly what they were saying. That they never wanted to see such garbage again.

Podcast link right here.

Then, about a month later I got an email saying congratulations, we want to publish your story, Another Realm, in our February/March issue which was themed, Love and Leprechauns, which makes total sense for me. They also decided that my story was the pick of the issue for their monthly podcast.

Another Podcast link in case you missed the one above. 

I would like to include a link to the story, but I cannot, because you have to purchase the magazine either in digital or paper form to read it. But I can include the link to the website where you can purchase a copy(digital or paper) and I can link you to the podcast(which is free for all) of someone reading it. If you do end up buying a paper copy, I’m available for autographing it for $3000 or free depending on which option you find the most expensive. I will also be glad to sign digital copies.

Did you know I was on a Podcast? 

Now that my poorly worded humble brag is over, you may return to your regularly scheduled ignoring of me. Tomorrow it is back to the regular Friday Gifture shenanigans where I will actually only subliminally implant reminders in my gifs about how awesome I am, and how bitter you are for coming back to this blog over and over again for disappointment.

AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

Bitterly Published Ben

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140 thoughts on “Finally Bitterly Published

  1. Kidnapped by video games??? Hey, when the Navy Seals or whoever come to rescue you, can you have them look for my husband too? I think he may have disappeared into the same black hole. Congrats on publication, btw!

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    • I would recommend you just let him get kidnapped by them part time. If you let him, he will be so much better of a person when he gets out. The thing that got me out (I mean my character) was realizing that it was just as boring in video game land as it was in real life.

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    • Well, you are right. Being jealous does help move my bitterness along, so whenever I’m not feeling as bitter as I would like, I tend to try to be jealous of others to kickstart the bitterness in my day.

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  2. Ben, this must be a bitter moment for you. All I can say is; How much might I expect for one of your autographs on the open market? Will it make me enough to retire, or will I have to take on a fifth or sixth job in order to support my habit of reading or getting a podcast of your self-plagiarized original story? Not that I mind, mind you, as I will probably sell your story on the black market and pass it off as my own, anyway. Because, that’s the way I roll. Oh, and congratulations on your story being accepted! 😀

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    • I expect this short story to be made into a TV program next year. (Development in Hollywood, I tell ya). My full length book I expect to be made into a movie in 2017 to compete with some Marvel movie, and I expect it to be published as a book in 2018. Kind of backwards, but it is kind of a big deal.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, if that doesn’t make me bitter, I don’t know what does. Here you are a published author and I am merely some bitterly disappointed pleb that reads your blog. Don’t tell me I actually have to be nice and act like I’m interested by clicking on those links.

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