I've played video games my whole life. Sure the graphics were kind of cloudy in the beginning, but that's because my bitter vision hadn't quite developed as well as my lungs did that first day. I remember doing a lot of screaming that day, but it was mostly because I couldn't even get past the first … Continue reading Bitter Combo’s
Humor
Santa Clause was at to our Garage Sale
"He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been good or bitter, so be bitter for goodness sake." - Bitter Ben stealing lyrics from a beloved child's song and exploiting it for his Blog's sake. It was 85 degrees and sunny yesterday, which never happens in Seattle … Continue reading Santa Clause was at to our Garage Sale
Guest Post-Hot Mess Memoir-How I Plan to Quit my Job
We all have that quitting-the-job fantasy, especially on those bitter days when your job sucks so bad, you'd rather run across a desert of glass shards than work another hour, take another phone call, or listen to your boss bark another order at you. Hot Mess, as she likes to be called over at … Continue reading Guest Post-Hot Mess Memoir-How I Plan to Quit my Job
Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
You know that show on ABC called Dancing with the Stars? It's a dance competition where minor celebrities get to actually work for a change and learn how to dance well while judges try to teach them how to improve. In the meantime, the rest of us are over here going, how dances to … Continue reading Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
Abendonment issues
Don't you hate it when everyone leaves you alone at home to play video games and take naps on the couch? Or when you are shopping at a store and none of the store clerks bother to come over and ask if there is anything in particular that you are looking for and if you … Continue reading Abendonment issues
Bitter Thank you’s
Sometimes I like to cry bitter tears because of the stupid books, movies and TV shows that actually get made or published. Like I could walk through a room and pull 15 ideas out of a hat that would be more intelligent. Any reality show on TLC or Fox sound like they were made by … Continue reading Bitter Thank you’s
We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
You know the feeling, whether it is when you are up for a raise or if your favorite team loses on a terrible call by the refs. Getting robbed is a way of life and it happens all the time, especially when you expect something to happen and you always want justice to prevail. … Continue reading We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
While chilling on my stay at home vacation yesterday, my kids prodded me into waking up from my three hour nap to go outside. Ugh, fine, I said. I did my best to pretend to be a good dad, so when they asked that I throw the Frisbee around, I grudgingly agreed, despite the bitterness … Continue reading A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
#ANALLHASTAGPOSTTOMAKEYOURMONDAYBITTER
#Ithinkthetitlesaysitallsoifyouwanttogetoffthetrainrightnowhereisyourchance #ifnotyoucancontinuetoreadthisridiculouspost #ifyouwerelookingforawaytomakeyourmondaymorningbitteryou'vecometotherightplace #whywouldIdosomethingsostupid? #firstofallmondaysaretheworstandyouneedapostthatmatchesthebitternessoftheday #secondwhydotheycallthemhashtagswhentheyarepoundsigns #thirdwhydopeoplethinkthesethingsaresoimportantonfacebookinstagramandtwitter #whydopeoplethinkthataddingasuperlonghashtagtoaphotowillgetthemmoreviews #maybeitsbecauseitworksifyouhavetherighthashtag #ormaybeifyourpicturesucksoryourtweetsucksoryoufacesucksitdoesn'tmatterwhatyourhashtagis #regardlesshashtagsseemprettyuselesstomeespeciallywhentheyarelongandboringliketheseonesare #theyaregimmickyexceptwhenthereisactuallysomethingbehindthehashtag #likeabignamewithsomefameoracontroversywithoutsomemercy #haveIannoyedyouenoughyetwiththisinsanelygratiatingandannoyinghashtagpost #orareyoureadyformore #forallyouknowimjustthrowinggobblydegookonthispostandmakingupsomestupidwords #ifyouhaven'tgottenbitterbynowyouareprobablyamillenialasocialmediaaddictorariddlesolvingbatmanorbatwoman #letshopethishasn'tgivensomeofyoudepressionanxietyorconiptions #ormadeyouwanttopunchyourcomputerorphonescreens #orcauseyoutohittheunfollowbuttonbecauseyou'vefinallyhadenoughofthis #butifithascausedyoutowanttopunchaholeintheuniverse #youarenotalone #hashtagsalsomakemewanttohitatweetintheface #soafteryoureadthisletusneverspeakofthisagain #andlet'sneverdohashtagsagainunlesstheystartmakingusmillionaires #orbecomesupergeniuses #orfindthemeaningoflife #whichistofindourinnerbitternessforourselves #andshareitwithotherpeople #sothattheworldwillbeamorebitterplace #perhapsthemostimportanthashtagyouwilltakeawayfromthispost #ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH #bitterhashtagben
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sitting vs. Standing
Laying down on the couch is what we all fight for. It's what we live and breathe for unless we are one of those weirdos who likes to live an active lifestyle or who craves being exhausted all the time. No matter what you do in life, admit that you do it all because deep … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sitting vs. Standing
Juxta positioning Bitter Friday Giftures
Positioning is everything. Whether it is what position you are in line for a concert, what position you are in during a basketball game, what position you hold in a company, or position you are in traffic. The way your day goes, could be solely based on what position you sit in the company. … Continue reading Juxta positioning Bitter Friday Giftures
Superpowers I would mess up
It's inevitable. Whether you like it or not, Superhero movies are here to stay and they aren't going anywhere. Once the comic book Titans figured out that the stories inside their nerdy pages could be made into less nerdy movies that make tons of nerdy money at the box office, the comic book train of … Continue reading Superpowers I would mess up
The Enemy Zone
I may never have been in jail, but that doesn't mean I have never been in prison. And while in prison everyone needs to learn how to fight. But before we discuss the fighting, let's first talk about how we get in prison. Everyone has been there before. We are happily dwelling in this zone. … Continue reading The Enemy Zone
The Bitterness of the Asterisk
You probably think you work hard because you work like 5 days a week and 8 hours a day. You are definitely right. That is way too much work. As I've spoken about before I think 3 1/2 days a week is enough. Why should work be done on more than 50% of our weeks. … Continue reading The Bitterness of the Asterisk
Fight the Power Friday Giftures
I've always fancied myself to be a bit of a rebel. Not an outward rebel that fights against society or wears hipster clothes, but a subtle shake of the fist in the air when other people aren't looking. Like when someone tells me I shouldn't eat pizza every Friday, or that we should love … Continue reading Fight the Power Friday Giftures
Bitter Office Scavenger Hunt
You know how when you are at the office and you are playing work Dodgeball by trying to avoid co-workers at all costs? But the moment you need them they are not around? Probably because you avoid them at all costs and they don't want to be around you, but that's besides the point? Well, … Continue reading Bitter Office Scavenger Hunt
Mister Matched Presents the Troglodyte’s Victor Secret’s Bitter Carpet Show
They say that clothes make the man. Yeah, they make the man bitter. I guess I understand the need to wear them, but why does it have to be so complicated? Why did someone way back in the day make it necessary to have rules of fashion? Like things are supposed to match. Certain colors … Continue reading Mister Matched Presents the Troglodyte’s Victor Secret’s Bitter Carpet Show
An ode to my Mother
You know how today is Mother's Day? And you know how you are supposed to shower not only so you don't smell and she doesn't faint from your odor, but also shower her with gifts and compliments and praise today and then take her for granted the rest of the year? Well, I'm not gonna … Continue reading An ode to my Mother
Sitting Down on the Friday Giftures
Not all the time, but sometimes when I'm coming up with ideas for the subject of my Friday Giftures, I ask my son to give me a word, any word. He will throw out some obvious ones, like bitter or whatever book he is reading at the time, and I deny him several times until … Continue reading Sitting Down on the Friday Giftures
Bitter Running Commentary
If you're an introvert like me, you probably have a dialogue going on in your head a vast majority of the time. The information highway in your brain has flying cars and runaway trains going 350 mph, above the speed limit. Every once in a while, your brain officer pulls over one of these thoughts … Continue reading Bitter Running Commentary
Ben's Bitter Blog 