This is how you will feel when you get to work tomorrow. Boss: I need this all unthawed by the end of the day.
I am a bitter forward thinker. A bitter visionary. While others are thinking about things that make them bitter in the present, I am looking forward to things that will make me bitter in the future. I don’t look at the past and stew over past bitterness or live in the moments bitterness like most people. While I am aware of those things, I want to forge a path to future bitternessess. I want to see what can be. So as future bitterist, I give this bold prediction. Tomorrow will be bitter.
Not mine.
When I got my Doctorate in Bitterology, I studied the past history of holidays. The day after you return from Christmas or New Year’s (depending on when you come back from vacation), is usually one of the most depressing days of the year. How about President’s Day? It is right in the middle of finals, fiscal years and short months, that require you to speedily get your work done. Is there any more miserable Tuesday after a Monday holiday?
I’m no Dr. (actually I am of bitterness) but there is a phenomenon that happens the day after a holiday. Everyone combines all their bitterness from Monday and Tuesday and attacks you with a combo Montuesday Bitter uppercut to the face.
Montuesday is like a Neo fist to the Smith face.
It will be so horrific that I am doing a horror movie called The Tuesday After A Monday Holiday movie and will base it on the actual phenomenon. Beware of tomorrow and when it turns out to be miserable like I told you, don’t forget that it was Dr. Bitter Me that told you so.
Bitterly almost Montuesdaylly yours
Dr. Bitter Ben
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http://youtu.be/l9GpobVbdr8 Grumpy Cat is allegedly getting a movie deal. Apparently, she’s the new Garfield. I can haz ahmuzed?
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I will be first in line for the trailer on that. Hopefully this isn’t an April Fool’s joke.
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^Dittoed!
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Grumpy cat is my inspiration.
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You are absolutely bittertastic, since one of my faves is grumpycat i feel you’re a close 2nd
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It’s bitter that you mention grumpy cat, because along with him and Tommy Lee Jones, they have officially become my blog mascots.
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I want to be your bitterbestfriend..
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If you go back to my post Wanted: Bitter Rival to Share Bitter Feud with, you will see that I was trying to find a nice person to feud with, so I started a team of Super Bitter Friends. I will consider you as one of my allies.
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As you see with my latest post I’m pretty bitter myself atm
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I didn’t really notice that from your post. Are you sure?
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The vent one? can’t tell if thats sarcasm
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You will soon learn that almost everything out of my mouth is sarcasm.
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magical, that makes 2 of us.
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I’m not really magical, but more like a bitter prestidigitarian.
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It felt like Monday. Ugh.
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It felt like Monday and Tuesday combined just like I predicted. It was one of the worst days besides the Day after President’s Day.
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Nailed it, as usual. Montuesdays are THE WORST!!!!!!!!! Especially when you have a 3 hour lunch meeting and the phone won’t stop ringing and there are a million emails to comb through. Yuck.
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I was wondering you got kidnapped by the internet. I am glad you are still alive. What up, Write?
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Oh you know… the usual fire and brimstone, b****ing and complaining. I haven’t forgotten about your awesome idea. Turns out I’m pretty lazy when it comes to execution. Go figure huh?
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I wasn’t expecting anything until at least after your wedding. You know that right? Speaking of weddings, it’s in June right?
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Thanks for the reminder. It is EXACTLY one month from today :::cue the mental freaking breakdown::::
On a totally unrelated topic, can I borrow some money?? LOL
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Yep. How much do you need? I thought it was so much sooner. I thought beginning of the month.
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Does $20 in pennies sound ok? 😉
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Yeah, it will take a while to raise that money with fake charity causes and couch digging, but I’ll get you the pennies.
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I’m trying to be bitter about it, but the word Montuesday is WAY too awesome of a word… dammit!
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Made up words help me best describe a really terrible day that should be punched in the face.
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i wish i had read this yesterday, in order to better understand my emotional response to the hell that was today, aka, tuesdayaftermonday. good call.
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I’ve had so much bitter experience with days like this over the years that I had to give the readers a heads up. Bitterness is getting news a little too late. Sounds like you got bittered.
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I am bitter about being bitter about tomorrow’s expected bitterness. Hey, can I be a star in your movie? I will be very bitter if I do not get the lead role. I will accept nothing less and don’t ask me to be an extra. Otherwise I will be extra bitter.
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There is one role left as third bitter person in background that I’m sure would fit you. However, you will have to audition by sitting in the a chair motionless for about 5 hours. You have to stew a lot and use seven different facial expressions. Pay is well…you have to pay me. But you will get little exposure from being in a movie that no one will see.
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Thanks, you have managed to start my day off bitterly as predicted. It is after 12 am so it is officially the next day after Tuesday for me over here on the East Coast.Thanks for the role in your film that I have to pay for. I am so excited that I have been practicing for the audition. I gotta go now because I am doing a trial run by sitting on the living room couch and staring into my roommate’s bedroom for the next five hours. I am sure she won’t mind.
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Your roommate is probably jealous that she can’t be in the movie. It’s okay though, she might make extra for the TV show.
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Today was the worst! I was not able to get anything done because I was mired in a deep puddle of bitterness and self-pity, which means I have screwed myself for tomorrow since now I have only one-day to do a giant project that I probably should have started before the holiday (but couldn’t because I was too giddy over vacation).
If they would just give us a 3-day weekend every weekend, we might learn how to cope with all of these problems. That is definitely the answer.
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The answer is to do three days a week. Too much work, not enough play.
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“I need all of this unthawed by today!” HAHAHAHAHA
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My ice today is, do export and government departments and your job since the government and export people are out today.d ICEEEEE!
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I agree with the cat.
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I agree with me.
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I hate to obitterate your theory, but since I work holidays, the Tuesday after a Monday holiday is pure bliss. However, you HAVE inspired me to be bitter prepared for the next holiday I work. If I wait until the holiday, I may get so busy at work that I neglect to take time out to be bitter about it.
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My theory is for myself and it has come true already and it isn’t even 8 yet. Arrrghhh. By the way, stop working holidays.
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I’ve always found Tuesdays particularly depressing, whether they come after a Holiday or not. SO much so that I’ve dubbed them “Low Self-Esteem Tuesdays”. On that note, Happy Tuesday!
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I hate Tuesdays as long as I can remember. So a couple of years ago. I realized that Mondays are usually pretty chill, but Tuesdays are when everyone starts actually working for the week and then stuff gets piled on my desk.
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A Monday holiday makes me feel like we deserve to be on vacation all week and I am totally bitter about having to fake any enthusiasm about getting back into the grind for the rest of it. Thanks Ben, you’re the best 🙂 ~
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I demand that I get the rest of the week off to rest from this Monday Holiday. Also, I want a week off after that to rest from the week I have off. So as you can see, I want the year off and I want a lot of lazy Saturday’s. I don’t ask for much, just everything.
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Ditto
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It’s official, I am not looking forward to tomorrow.
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No one is, but especially not me. I’m all about giving people giving heads up.
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Dr. Bitter Ben…. Did you punch YOUR OWN FACE? Just for a photo OP?? You are my hero! Takes a real man to be able to take a punch. Bravo. (And in a rain storm no less!)
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Getting punched is a really good way to be bitter so I take one for the blog.
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Here in the UK, my company (and many others too) are shut down this week.
I’m loving this time off work – but can you imagine the whole heap of bitterness awaiting me next Monday when I return to work after being away from the place for 9 days (5 work days sandwiched between two weekends) ?
It just doen’t bear thinking about !
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I’m very bitter about you not having to work. Why do you guys get so many holidays!
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Any after-holiday movie has to include the zombie stampede at the superstore. People standing in the front door talking, or blocking the aisles as they contemplate every item on the shelf while looking for just the right gift their special someone will be sure to return the next day. My all-time unfavorite? The drivers who stay side-by-side on a divided highway going 40 in a 65mph zone. When one finally turns off, you hear holiday music blaring from the guy who is still traveling in the left lane.
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Are you talking about after Christmas holiday? Then yes there is too many people getting in my way. But let’s be honest, people get in my way, all year round, not just around the holidays.
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I don’t work bc I’m broken, so I can’t feel you on suck Tuesdays (although I clearly remember suck Tuesdays from the past 20 yrs). I hope my bitterness over making a household income of $10K last year will quell yours.
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Bitterness all around I would have to say. Perhaps the movie will make a little money.
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You certainly nailed that bitterness!
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I am good at something. I didn’t get a doctorate for nothing.
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Oh yes, I do “get” the picture just below the title. Must say I like the idea of “paying it forward” (very bitter about that phrase) in bitterness. Need to bottle and sell that.
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Thanks for spreading the bitterness to other nice people. Doing everything myself is very bittering. One pay it backward at a time.
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The Tuesday after a long weekend is more bitterly potent than an entire month’s worth of Mondays.
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You understand completely. Let’s go ahead and not look forward to tomorrow like a zit on a 70 year old back.
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Be careful out there tomorrow!
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It’s gonna be a nightmare. There’s gonna be a lot of bitter inspiration for my movie.
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