Bitter Sleep

Clearly staring at a TV screen is much more important than sleep.

Clearly staring at a pixels on a big screen is much more important than sleep.

Yesterday, I was sitting on my computer most of the day, staring at it.  The cursor was staring back at me, blinking, laughing at me and challenging me to write some halfway decent words.  In other words, it has been making me very bitter.  When the thoughts don’t come and the creative spark doesn’t electrify me, I can’t eat, I can’t walk right or even sleep.  Well, I could eat, but the rice crispy treats and the steak and the Hot Pockets didn’t quite upset my stomach as much as usual.

I guess I could sleep too, but the nap I took was only 3 hours instead of the normal 4.  The shortness of my nap was really bothering me and got me thinking about sleep.  Why does it seem that sleep only comes when you don’t want it and you want it only when you can’t have it?  For instance, last night I was trying to play video games, which is really important.  I was mowing down opponents, (by opponents I mean computer generated ones, that barely knew how to operate a gun), but I kept nodding off.  It was a Sunday night at 11:50 pm, and this was much more important than anything sleep would do for me.  But for some reason, I embarrasingly and innappropriately fell asleep.  When I woke up two minutes later, I profusely apologized to the computer characters who I had offended.  They were pretty bitter, and I don’t blame them.  I should have been paying attention to them, instead of doing inefficient things like sleeping.

I read this book about how to manage the most innappropriate times to fall asleep.  It really helped.

I read this book about how to manage the most innappropriate times to fall asleep. It really helped me sleep through my meeting with the POTUS.

Luckily, I make up for such disgraceful behavior by getting sleep at other times that are way more appropriate.  Like the other day, when I was in a meeting with the CEO, and the President of someplace, I think the United States or some place like that, some IRS auditor, and like a police officer or something.  Clearly these guys, had nothing important going on, because they were having a meeting with me.  It was like a three hours meeting,(or so I am told) so about 2 minutes in, I took my dream leave and proceeded to snore through it.  I was still tired after the meeting so I went and took a nap at my desk.  When I was so rudely woken at 3:25 pm, I was told I could leave 5 minutes early and I could pack all my stuff.  They even told me they would help just to get me out of there faster. The President told me that I was welcome to leave the country and never come back.  The auditor guy told me that he was going to come visit soon(for dinner I’m guessing.  Rude to invite yourself over, but whatever.  He seemed pretty harmless.)  You know what made me really bitter though?  Not one of these random weirdos told me I had a really weird line down my face.  How rude!

Inception 2 is about me falling asleep on the couch and dreaming about falling asleep on the couch.  Deep right?

Inception 2 is about me falling asleep on the couch and dreaming about falling asleep on the couch. Deep right?

The bitter part about sleep is that somehow your brain keeps functioning and you sometimes have dreams. Every once in a while, I have dreams about being at work and actually working.  Why would my brain do something like that when clearly it should always be about me laying on the couch dreaming about me laying on the couch?  I mean, Chris Nolan could have done a whole movie about my dreams and called it Inception, my dreams are so deep and meaningless.

Luckily, the whole writer’s block was just a bitter dream and this terrible post is definitely only worthy of making it on Ben’s Bitter Blog. Now I don’t have to worry about anyone ever reading it, cause that would just be embarassing.

Back to sleep! Arrrrrgggzzzzzzz

Bitter ZZZZ  Ben

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81 thoughts on “Bitter Sleep

  1. Your inception has yet another layer…you were in my dream that I was couch sleeping while you dreamed you were couch sleeping while we both really slept on couches. The sixty dollar question is who incepted who?

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  2. Go get some Alteril (OTC–has melatonin, valerian and L-tryptophan). If that doesn’t work add in more valerian. If that doesn’t work pretend you have fibromyalgia and get some flexeril at night. If that doesn’t work then go to a psychiatrist, pretend you have generalized anxiety and wake up at 2 am every day and get some clonazepam. Guess what? All that stuff will allow you to sleep like a baby…..

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  3. I’m bitter because I don’t have that many dreams and the ones I do have suck. I had a dream that my Mom told me there was going to be a hurricane in exactly 2 weeks. I was not amused. Washing my clothes in rainwater is not my idea of a good time. Argh!

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  4. “Why does it seem that sleep only comes when you don’t want it and you want it only when you can’t have it?”

    Exactly! It’s like I get to work and I think I could fall asleep right there in my desk, but I go home and lay down and I’m as alert as can be.

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  5. Sleep. Best invention ever. I am a terrible sleeper though. I have a lot of nightmares, I wake up at least once or twice a night, and it takes me forever to fall asleep. I also need a lot of sleep, and a consistent sleeping schedule to feel good.

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  6. Those who say “you can sleep while your dead” are dumb because i’d be an even more awkward and crabby person without. Happy dreaming, Ben! Or bitter dreaming. Whatever sinks the ship.

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  7. Dreams about being at work?!? God, that’s a nightmare! I think this all started because you were sitting “on” your computer all day. It probably implanted some kind of mind control chip in your butt cheek when you nodded off during the video game.

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  8. Ben, you need to really download this japanese horror movie ‘The Ring'(your 1st picture reminds me of that movie) and you will truly know why you cannot sleep at night… i swear i had nightmares for a week. And you dont want to go near your tv either… hahahah!

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  9. i feel for you, Ben! i used to be an insomniac, but then i learned that i was expected to handle little things called school and work too, so now i’m awake all the time and just recharge my batteries once a month. Is there a word for someone who’s an insomniac during the day as well as the night? Now I walk around the house at night looking at the rest of my family and thinking, ‘Why do these people have to sleep so much?’ *eyes like pinwheels*

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    • I actually don’t sleep that much because I have to guard my kids from abominations like Barney the Purple scary Dinosaur and Mickey’s Playhouse. Kids should never have to be exposed to this scary stuff.

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  10. The human brain is a mysterious thing…and people can do some strange things will sleeping. I could barely keep my eyes open on the ride home from the concert last night, but I wanted to stay up with Mom, who had to drive – to stay awake I trying singing along with the radio (playing Jonas Brothers music, of course) but I think I fell asleep anyway – but kept singing. I’m sure Mom was amused. But I am most definitely bitter about the fact that you can never sleep when you want it but fall sleep when you don’t want to. It’s highly inconvenient.

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    • I am guessing that you are sleeping right now at work as you should be. Work should know that you were at an important concert last night that you need to use worktime to get important sleep done.

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  11. Bitter truth is that they already made a movie, its title is ,”when I work in my dreams, and I don’t get paid ” It is about a man who goes to office and sleeps..and while he is sleeping/dreaming he is actually working..this way everyday ..he works overtime but then nobody can see him ..as it is his dream only..others can’t see..when he wakes up..he got all work done..but he has to do it again..without the help of his dream..it makes him tired and bitter..so the film was categorically placed under,”Bitter” just like action, mystery and romance…yep 😉

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  12. Well, guess what?! You DID manage some good words. I know and appreciate all bitter things about bitter sleep, lack thereof, or inappropriate timing. Btw, caption on “Manage your sleeping time” is hysterical.

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  13. Hi Ben! I’m a new blogger and find your wit great! I read regularly and love the irony and edginess to your posts. Please know you are an inspiration for those like me wading through the (far more complicated than I knew) blogosphere.

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    • I’m sorry that you happened on such a bitter blog at the beginning of your blog career here. Just so you know there are plenty of blogs out there that actually have nice things to say that will be much more helpful to you.

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  14. I have those dreams a lot. Only it will be a dream that makes me worry that maybe I didn’t finish something with one of the broker files. And before that, it was scary dreams about when I still worked in the kitchen, and that I wasn’t getting the food done fast enough, and that the ticket machine would just keep going off. Very bitter.

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