Yesterday, I was sitting on my computer most of the day, staring at it. The cursor was staring back at me, blinking, laughing at me and challenging me to write some halfway decent words. In other words, it has been making me very bitter. When the thoughts don’t come and the creative spark doesn’t electrify me, I can’t eat, I can’t walk right or even sleep. Well, I could eat, but the rice crispy treats and the steak and the Hot Pockets didn’t quite upset my stomach as much as usual.
I guess I could sleep too, but the nap I took was only 3 hours instead of the normal 4. The shortness of my nap was really bothering me and got me thinking about sleep. Why does it seem that sleep only comes when you don’t want it and you want it only when you can’t have it? For instance, last night I was trying to play video games, which is really important. I was mowing down opponents, (by opponents I mean computer generated ones, that barely knew how to operate a gun), but I kept nodding off. It was a Sunday night at 11:50 pm, and this was much more important than anything sleep would do for me. But for some reason, I embarrasingly and innappropriately fell asleep. When I woke up two minutes later, I profusely apologized to the computer characters who I had offended. They were pretty bitter, and I don’t blame them. I should have been paying attention to them, instead of doing inefficient things like sleeping.
Luckily, I make up for such disgraceful behavior by getting sleep at other times that are way more appropriate. Like the other day, when I was in a meeting with the CEO, and the President of someplace, I think the United States or some place like that, some IRS auditor, and like a police officer or something. Clearly these guys, had nothing important going on, because they were having a meeting with me. It was like a three hours meeting,(or so I am told) so about 2 minutes in, I took my dream leave and proceeded to snore through it. I was still tired after the meeting so I went and took a nap at my desk. When I was so rudely woken at 3:25 pm, I was told I could leave 5 minutes early and I could pack all my stuff. They even told me they would help just to get me out of there faster. The President told me that I was welcome to leave the country and never come back. The auditor guy told me that he was going to come visit soon(for dinner I’m guessing. Rude to invite yourself over, but whatever. He seemed pretty harmless.) You know what made me really bitter though? Not one of these random weirdos told me I had a really weird line down my face. How rude!
The bitter part about sleep is that somehow your brain keeps functioning and you sometimes have dreams. Every once in a while, I have dreams about being at work and actually working. Why would my brain do something like that when clearly it should always be about me laying on the couch dreaming about me laying on the couch? I mean, Chris Nolan could have done a whole movie about my dreams and called it Inception, my dreams are so deep and meaningless.
Luckily, the whole writer’s block was just a bitter dream and this terrible post is definitely only worthy of making it on Ben’s Bitter Blog. Now I don’t have to worry about anyone ever reading it, cause that would just be embarassing.
Back to sleep! Arrrrrgggzzzzzzz
Bitter ZZZZ Ben