Clearly staring at a pixels on a big screen is much more important than sleep.
Yesterday, I was sitting on my computer most of the day, staring at it. The cursor was staring back at me, blinking, laughing at me and challenging me to write some halfway decent words. In other words, it has been making me very bitter. When the thoughts don’t come and the creative spark doesn’t electrify me, I can’t eat, I can’t walk right or even sleep. Well, I could eat, but the rice crispy treats and the steak and the Hot Pockets didn’t quite upset my stomach as much as usual.
I guess I could sleep too, but the nap I took was only 3 hours instead of the normal 4. The shortness of my nap was really bothering me and got me thinking about sleep. Why does it seem that sleep only comes when you don’t want it and you want it only when you can’t have it? For instance, last night I was trying to play video games, which is really important. I was mowing down opponents, (by opponents I mean computer generated ones, that barely knew how to operate a gun), but I kept nodding off. It was a Sunday night at 11:50 pm, and this was much more important than anything sleep would do for me. But for some reason, I embarrasingly and innappropriately fell asleep. When I woke up two minutes later, I profusely apologized to the computer characters who I had offended. They were pretty bitter, and I don’t blame them. I should have been paying attention to them, instead of doing inefficient things like sleeping.
I read this book about how to manage the most innappropriate times to fall asleep. It really helped me sleep through my meeting with the POTUS.
Luckily, I make up for such disgraceful behavior by getting sleep at other times that are way more appropriate. Like the other day, when I was in a meeting with the CEO, and the President of someplace, I think the United States or some place like that, some IRS auditor, and like a police officer or something. Clearly these guys, had nothing important going on, because they were having a meeting with me. It was like a three hours meeting,(or so I am told) so about 2 minutes in, I took my dream leave and proceeded to snore through it. I was still tired after the meeting so I went and took a nap at my desk. When I was so rudely woken at 3:25 pm, I was told I could leave 5 minutes early and I could pack all my stuff. They even told me they would help just to get me out of there faster. The President told me that I was welcome to leave the country and never come back. The auditor guy told me that he was going to come visit soon(for dinner I’m guessing. Rude to invite yourself over, but whatever. He seemed pretty harmless.) You know what made me really bitter though? Not one of these random weirdos told me I had a really weird line down my face. How rude!
Inception 2 is about me falling asleep on the couch and dreaming about falling asleep on the couch. Deep right?
The bitter part about sleep is that somehow your brain keeps functioning and you sometimes have dreams. Every once in a while, I have dreams about being at work and actually working. Why would my brain do something like that when clearly it should always be about me laying on the couch dreaming about me laying on the couch? I mean, Chris Nolan could have done a whole movie about my dreams and called it Inception, my dreams are so deep and meaningless.
Luckily, the whole writer’s block was just a bitter dream and this terrible post is definitely only worthy of making it on Ben’s Bitter Blog. Now I don’t have to worry about anyone ever reading it, cause that would just be embarassing.
Back to sleep! Arrrrrgggzzzzzzz
Bitter ZZZZ Ben
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Ben's Bitter Blog 
Your inception has yet another layer…you were in my dream that I was couch sleeping while you dreamed you were couch sleeping while we both really slept on couches. The sixty dollar question is who incepted who?
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My head hurts so bad that I need to go take a nap.
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Sleeping at work requires you to have a big enough desk to nap under so as to avoid the firing! That or a door that locks with only you having the key!
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Sometimes I am kind of hoping for the firing.
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Go get some Alteril (OTC–has melatonin, valerian and L-tryptophan). If that doesn’t work add in more valerian. If that doesn’t work pretend you have fibromyalgia and get some flexeril at night. If that doesn’t work then go to a psychiatrist, pretend you have generalized anxiety and wake up at 2 am every day and get some clonazepam. Guess what? All that stuff will allow you to sleep like a baby…..
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I’m bitter that I am not a doctor so I can prescribe all those things to myself. And also that I can’t pronounce any of those words.
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I’m bitter because I don’t have that many dreams and the ones I do have suck. I had a dream that my Mom told me there was going to be a hurricane in exactly 2 weeks. I was not amused. Washing my clothes in rainwater is not my idea of a good time. Argh!
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When dreams suck, then you get to wake up and realize that maybe your reality is better than that crappy dream. In my case I’m bitter either way.
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“Why does it seem that sleep only comes when you don’t want it and you want it only when you can’t have it?”
Exactly! It’s like I get to work and I think I could fall asleep right there in my desk, but I go home and lay down and I’m as alert as can be.
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I find that the perfect time for it is mornings, afternoons or evenings. Sometimes nighttime works too. As long as you are supposed to be awake, that is when I get the best naps.
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Haha exactly
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Sleep. Best invention ever. I am a terrible sleeper though. I have a lot of nightmares, I wake up at least once or twice a night, and it takes me forever to fall asleep. I also need a lot of sleep, and a consistent sleeping schedule to feel good.
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I do too, but I don’t get it enough, so that is probably why I am bitter all the time.
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Hey, at least now you have an excuse.
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I am always looking for lame excuses, so this will work for me.
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Reblogged this on Adithya Entertainment.
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Those who say “you can sleep while your dead” are dumb because i’d be an even more awkward and crabby person without. Happy dreaming, Ben! Or bitter dreaming. Whatever sinks the ship.
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I won’t be sleeping when I am dead because I will be busy haunting people and their dreams. I’m gonna make a pretty scary ghost.
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Last nightI had a dream about eating my favourite cardigan. It tasted very bitter
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I think that means you are trying to get bitter inside. So that means that my bitter plan is working.
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Dreams about being at work?!? God, that’s a nightmare! I think this all started because you were sitting “on” your computer all day. It probably implanted some kind of mind control chip in your butt cheek when you nodded off during the video game.
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What I learned is that I need to play more video games to drown out the noise of work.
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I don’t even remember any of my dreams. I think if it’s not sassy my brain has started filtering it out.
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My dreams are always good, which make me bitter when I wake up.
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Maybe somebody’s practicing Inception on bitter ben?
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Maybe in real life I am even more bitter than I am now…
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…Or maybe you’re a cockeyed optimist in real life…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvx8m7kgcng 😉
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My head hurt after listening to that. In fact, I think my part of my head leaked out of my brain.
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I’ve had dreams of dreaming within a dream. I wake up from the dream, only to realize I’m still IN my dream. Then I really wake up. So confusing at times. 😛
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I’m pretty sure that Christopher Nolan wrote that movie about you then.
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Ben, you need to really download this japanese horror movie ‘The Ring'(your 1st picture reminds me of that movie) and you will truly know why you cannot sleep at night… i swear i had nightmares for a week. And you dont want to go near your tv either… hahahah!
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That movie must have been invented by some parent that was tired of their kids staying up all night and watching TV. Or for me. Sounds like a bitter riot.
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seriously go watch it… you will forever be scarred..
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It sounds like it to me. I don’t really watch horror movies. Not my bitter bag, but maybe I will not make an exception for this one.
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haha, let me know what you think if you do catch it.
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If I ever do, I will do a review on Rotten Tomatoes under the name Bitter Ben.
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HAHAHA, ok!
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And it will almost certainly be a bitter tomatoe.
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i feel for you, Ben! i used to be an insomniac, but then i learned that i was expected to handle little things called school and work too, so now i’m awake all the time and just recharge my batteries once a month. Is there a word for someone who’s an insomniac during the day as well as the night? Now I walk around the house at night looking at the rest of my family and thinking, ‘Why do these people have to sleep so much?’ *eyes like pinwheels*
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I actually don’t sleep that much because I have to guard my kids from abominations like Barney the Purple scary Dinosaur and Mickey’s Playhouse. Kids should never have to be exposed to this scary stuff.
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The human brain is a mysterious thing…and people can do some strange things will sleeping. I could barely keep my eyes open on the ride home from the concert last night, but I wanted to stay up with Mom, who had to drive – to stay awake I trying singing along with the radio (playing Jonas Brothers music, of course) but I think I fell asleep anyway – but kept singing. I’m sure Mom was amused. But I am most definitely bitter about the fact that you can never sleep when you want it but fall sleep when you don’t want to. It’s highly inconvenient.
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I am guessing that you are sleeping right now at work as you should be. Work should know that you were at an important concert last night that you need to use worktime to get important sleep done.
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Bitter truth is that they already made a movie, its title is ,”when I work in my dreams, and I don’t get paid ” It is about a man who goes to office and sleeps..and while he is sleeping/dreaming he is actually working..this way everyday ..he works overtime but then nobody can see him ..as it is his dream only..others can’t see..when he wakes up..he got all work done..but he has to do it again..without the help of his dream..it makes him tired and bitter..so the film was categorically placed under,”Bitter” just like action, mystery and romance…yep 😉
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How did they make a movie about my life and not get my permission? Is it because I was asleep at the time?
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Yes..you were snoring and with many gaps..hence when they asked..you snored so loud..that they took it for yes
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Lesson learned. I need to nap quieter next time.
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yes ..and lock the doors of your dream world 🙂
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I would love to keep the doors locked as long as I am napping in my dream world.
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you are not suppose to ” ,love” anything you are the bitter blog..it is always aaaaaaaaaaaarrrggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh
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I’m bitter that I accidently used that word and also that you pointed it out. I’m bitter at all of you!
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aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh
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My catch phrase, yes. But you spelled it wrong. 3 too many a’s, 2 too many r’s and 1 too many h’s.
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what about ‘g” ?
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You had the right amount of g’s.
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Well, guess what?! You DID manage some good words. I know and appreciate all bitter things about bitter sleep, lack thereof, or inappropriate timing. Btw, caption on “Manage your sleeping time” is hysterical.
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Sometimes I think my waking life is the dream and the dreams are my life. In that case I need more bitter dreams.
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Lmao. Don’t we all. Smirk.
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Either way I am bitter.
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Sweet – oops, I mean bitter – dreams to you!
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I wish everyone bitter dreams but for some reason people like to have happy ones.
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Don’t know which is more embarrassing — you writing this or me actually reading every word and finding it interesting? What does that say about me? 🙂 Fun stuff. Thanks.
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It is definitely more embarrasing for you to have read this whole thing. I would definitely not tell your friends that you read it or they will laugh at you and you will enter a shame spiral.
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🙂 got it! No one shall know!
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Smart thinking!
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Hi Ben! I’m a new blogger and find your wit great! I read regularly and love the irony and edginess to your posts. Please know you are an inspiration for those like me wading through the (far more complicated than I knew) blogosphere.
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I’m sorry that you happened on such a bitter blog at the beginning of your blog career here. Just so you know there are plenty of blogs out there that actually have nice things to say that will be much more helpful to you.
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I have those dreams a lot. Only it will be a dream that makes me worry that maybe I didn’t finish something with one of the broker files. And before that, it was scary dreams about when I still worked in the kitchen, and that I wasn’t getting the food done fast enough, and that the ticket machine would just keep going off. Very bitter.
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The ones that make me really bitter are the ones where I win the lottery and then I wake up. The ones about work make me bitter that I ever gave this place a thought outside of work.
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Maybe in the real life you’re the famous one; and Lemony’s bitter.
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Maybe. I would probably be a famous bitter person too, so the dream doesn’t change much.
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LOL, I hear ya! 🙂
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I hate waking up and losing millions of dollars.
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I hate getting up early.
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I guess that means I have one thing on you.
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Why would you like to get up early? Other than the fact that it seems you’re napping all the time. 🙂
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Because that is when no one else is awake. As one who can’t stand people or traffic, this is a fine time of the day to avoid others.
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that is true. 🙂
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In my dreams, everything is perfect. I complete every task on time, I win every event I enter, I save all citizens, and to top if all off, in my dreams old people share their Werther’s Originals. A rare thing.
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The better the dream, the bitter the awakening.
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Which, I’ve posed the question before….Would you rather have a nightmare or a good dream?
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Either one will make me bitter so I am for either one.
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