I've spent the last 49 years cultivating a wit so sharp that onions cry when I cut them. Ninja's use my wit to sharpen their blades. Comedians wear ski masks and avoid detection from my brain's security system just to steal jokes from me. I feel like Usain Bolt slowing down for a turtle when … Continue reading Man’s Search for Comedy
Bitter
Failing Vision Bitter Friday Giftures
I'm pretty bitter about my vision. You see, from about my sophomore year in high school until I was 33, I wore glasses. I tried contacts once, but I wasn't a fan of sticking things in my eye and lost the desire for them really fast. Then, as a gift for me living and taking … Continue reading Failing Vision Bitter Friday Giftures
Cancellation Bitterness
When I was growing up, I watched a lot of TV. My favorite cartoon was Transformers, but I watched a lot of different show. I would always get really excited about some and then in the summer, I would recognize that they would start showing reruns of the shows I already watched, and I would … Continue reading Cancellation Bitterness
5G Bitter Friday Giftures
There was a story in the news yesterday and today about a person who won $26 million in lottery. That would be a happy day right? Most of the time, yes. Unfortunately, there was a tiny little problem. The winner didn't turn in the ticket...and then didn't turn in the ticket...and then forgot to turn … Continue reading 5G Bitter Friday Giftures
Jet Plane Bitter Friday Giftures
I know it seems like everything is risky out there these days, but I'm doing something really crazy. I'm going on a vacation. Which means I'm going to get on a Jet Plane. But don't tell anyone, because then they might go visit my house in um...Las Vegas or something. And they might try to … Continue reading Jet Plane Bitter Friday Giftures
DNA Test Bitterness
When I was a sophomore in high school, we had to take Biology. I couldn't stand my teacher, because he was a pig before the #metoo movement started, but also he wasn't very good at teaching. I remember him talking about the weirdest things like you should change your deodorant often because the glands under … Continue reading DNA Test Bitterness
Crystal Cloudy Bitter Friday Giftures
People have been trying to teach me a lot of stuff lately. Obviously when you start a new job, they have to teach you the ways of the Jedi, and or, the ways the company work and what you are supposed to do every day. The other day, my wife was telling me that … Continue reading Crystal Cloudy Bitter Friday Giftures
Best Time of the Year Bitter Friday Giftures
This week is my favorite of the year. Many people love December and all its holidays. Others love Thanksgiving and the chance to eat lots of food, shop and be with family. Others love Valentine's Day (just kidding, no one loves Valentine's Day, ironically). Some love the summertime for sun, sand, good weather and … Continue reading Best Time of the Year Bitter Friday Giftures
Building a Bitter Mousetrap Friday Giftures
They say you have to build a bitter mousetrap in order to catch mice. Well, in our last home it didn't seem to work, because they just kept coming back. Sometimes, I think you just need to build more mousetraps. I guess they were just attracted to our food or something. It's not like … Continue reading Building a Bitter Mousetrap Friday Giftures
Bitter Business Bureau
When we moved into this house about a year ago, we had to furnish it. Of course, we got the most important things first, the couch, TV, and fridge, which I have spent the most amount of time using. I guess we also got a table, our old furniture, and bed, but those weren't really … Continue reading Bitter Business Bureau
Today’s Story on Giphy
This is probably some really shocking news, but when I was growing up, pizza wasn't my favorite food. Probably because my parents didn't expose me much to pizza. Also, I was always hungry, and back then, Hot Pockets didn't exist and pizza wasn't exactly an easy thing to whip up when you are dying … Continue reading Today’s Story on Giphy
Don’t Call it a Comeback!
I've been here for years. One of my favorite rap songs of all time is Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J. I like it for a lot of reasons, the beat, the sports metaphor ness of it, but most of all for the first line in the song. "Don't call it a … Continue reading Don’t Call it a Comeback!
Secret Stone on Our House
When I got home on Friday, I was told we had bees. One of my least favorite things are bees, the ones that sting anyways. In the summertime of my 14th year, it was a warm day and we had our sliding door open. For some reason, I was running in circles in our television … Continue reading Secret Stone on Our House
The Bitter IT Guy
When we lived in Seattle, we used to get power outages all the time. I think it was because it rained all the time, the lightning and wind would blow the way too pervasive amount of trees around, and whall la, power outage. When we had outages there though, they would almost always go on … Continue reading The Bitter IT Guy
Transform and Roll Out
I was a child of the 80's. Unlike most children of the 80's, I thought that decade sucked. There were a few good things about it. There was Back to the Future, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Run DMC, but for the most part, I didn't participate in most of the crappy movies, TV … Continue reading Transform and Roll Out
Maniac Monday – I bumped my head on the Fridge
Even though I am pretty clumsy, I have never broken a bone. (Not that I haven't tried.) When I was in fourth grade, I was at recess and was playing this game called "Run and slip on the ice". (I lived in South Dakota, where ice slipping is considered a sport.) and fell and hurt … Continue reading Maniac Monday – I bumped my head on the Fridge
Bitter Nomadic Wanderers
When I was younger a friend and I were walking in a neighborhood that overlooked an empty field. He was from Japan and as you know, Japan is very dense when it comes to the amount of people that live there. As we overlooked the field, he replied wistfully that he wanted to be a … Continue reading Bitter Nomadic Wanderers
Obey My Commands!
It's Valentine's Day here on the BBB. Well, I guess it is also other places too, but I'm not sure. We do a lot of things on Valentine's around here. Like complain about love and hearts, and candy and flowers and we wonder why the heck they don't make a bigger deal about National Pizza … Continue reading Obey My Commands!
10,000 Bitter Followers
They say that you need to do something for 10,000 hours in order to be an expert at something. So if I have eaten a 100 grand candy bar 10,000 times does that make me an ultra expert at eating candy bars with chocolate or does that just make me a heart attack victim. Just … Continue reading 10,000 Bitter Followers
The Bitter Ecosystem
As spring heats up, many people turn their attention to being at work all day, while some "other lucky people" that aren't them are going on glamorous vacations to tropical paradises around the world. Some people are jealous of the sandy beaches that others get to soak up the rays in. Others are jealous of … Continue reading The Bitter Ecosystem
Ben's Bitter Blog 