It’s Valentine’s Day here on the BBB. Well, I guess it is also other places too, but I’m not sure. We do a lot of things on Valentine’s around here. Like complain about love and hearts, and candy and flowers and we wonder why the heck they don’t make a bigger deal about National Pizza Day. What is a bigger deal, love or pizza? I think we all know that answer.
Anyway, let’s completely change the subject to other things like my hair. I don’t know about you, but hair is my complete and utter nemesis. Not only does it sicken me when there is hair in the sink, or the shower or the food, but it also seems to go everywhere that I don’t want it and nowhere where I ask it. Top of the head, nope. On my arms, everywhere. On my legs, on my face, on my toes, seriously, and the hair in the ears. I guess I’m already and old many because of the hair in my ears. It’s like my hair doesn’t listen to me.
Doesn’t surprise me, because most people don’t. Hey son, take out the garbage. Nah, I’m good. Hey daughter, do your homework. Later, dad. Hey honey, I’d like to buy a TV. Hey honey, we have more important things like a purse for me, some jewelry for me, and some clothes for me.
That is just the beginning. Hey TV, I’d like to watch something funny. Here you go, Bitter Ben, here is a list of romantic comedies. Hey phone, give me directions to somewhere fun. Here, BB, here is directions to work. Nope.
Then I ask my computer to type out funny blogs all the time. Unfortunately, they give me this garbage. Hey brain, let me sleep for goodness sakes. Not happening dude. Hey back, how about you stop hurting all the time? Nah, I will just be a pain in your back…forever.
Hey stomach, stop being so upset all the time. Well stop sending me so much food. Well, then tell my freaking brain to stop requesting it all the time. I mean, if we had our choice, we would have pizza all the time. And tell my car to stop asking for gas every week. Goodness sakes, car, could you get a little more needy? And hey followers, how about you guys start sending me money? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Anyways, all I have to ask is this. That no one bother me on this Valentine’s Day. Obviously, that isn’t happening.
Bitter Non Obedient Ben