Last Friday, I was eating a sandwich from a place called Home Grown that was really good, and it came with some chips that were also really good. One of my co-workers wondered aloud if they actually grew the potatoes themselves to make the chips. That lead me to then say, "Nope. I think they … Continue reading Becoming a Pizza Gardener
First World Problems
The Bitter Groundhog
Let's face it. The groundhog is famous for only two things. Every February they are known for disappointing millions of people by seeing their shadow or not seeing their shadow(whichever one it is, I don't think anyone knows) and predicting that we have 6 more weeks of winter. Though if you want to be disappointed … Continue reading The Bitter Groundhog
My Bitter New Career
When I was in 7th grade, we did a career day where we had to decide what we wanted to be when we grew up. I decided that I wanted to be an advertising copywriter. So I stuck with that dream and decided that anything that didn't have to do with writing copy was worthless … Continue reading My Bitter New Career
Taking a Ride on the Bitter Gifture Express
It's freaking Friday and that means the Bitter Express is getting ready to leave the station. The Bitter Express is a different roller coaster ride than you are used to. Most roller coaster rides are full of excitement, screaming, thrilling drops and crazy loop de loops and then, they eventually end. The Bitter Express … Continue reading Taking a Ride on the Bitter Gifture Express
The Bitter Power of the Jinx
You may not notice this thing that happens in movies, but there is a strong thread that keeps action movies going. In the beginning there is some sort of balance that keep the protagonist and the antagonist from killing each other. No matter how large the odds are against one side or the other, each … Continue reading The Bitter Power of the Jinx
The Bitter Injury Report
Bitter Entertainment Network interrupts this coverage of the president's speech to go to the game.... Bitter Ben the Sports Announcer: Well that was another terribly bitter game we just watched. An entire nation of fans were completely let down by their team who couldn't execute their way out of a Ziploc bag (see our sponsors … Continue reading The Bitter Injury Report
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Fight vs. Flight
They say when you mess up and get yourself trapped in a corner, like when I was painting the deck, the other 20 years ago, you have one of two responses on how to get out of the mess you got yourself into. As an expert in literally and figuratively painting myself into corners on … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Fight vs. Flight
National Hug Day Bitter Giftures
I found out that yesterday was yet another holiday that I didn't get off work for. National Hugger's Day they call it. Of course, I don't believe in hugging unless it is a passive aggressive way for me to crack someone's ribs that I'm not real fond of. This is not to say that I … Continue reading National Hug Day Bitter Giftures
We are Groot
Guardians of the Galaxy was a big hit last summer because it was unique and different. Bitter heroes and villains were everywhere. Peter Quill aka Star Lord was bitter about his mother's death and his subsequent kidnapping. Gamora was bitter because she's the adopted daughter of a guy that wants to destroy the universe. Drax … Continue reading We are Groot
Bitterlympics
Recently I was talking to this older couple on the phone and the male said something, but then he started coughing so he had to hand off the phone to the female who started talking to me for a bit. Then she started sneezing, so she handed the phone back to the male so she … Continue reading Bitterlympics
Bitterly Depressing Friday Giftures
Yesterday was so depressing. Some weirdos in Florida and California took my winning lottery tickets from me, my idol and hero who played all the best villains, Alan Rickman died(Hans Gruber AND Snape. Two of the most bitter guys in cinema.) and once again my book didn't get published. Some say you should actually … Continue reading Bitterly Depressing Friday Giftures
The Bitter Journey through Google Search
One of my bitter enemies, "The Inspirational Philosopher", the ones that wake up every morning and look at their face in the mirror and repeat mantra's like "This is going to be a great day", and "What inspirational thing can I learn from all the stupid mistakes I made yesterday?" start their days journey in … Continue reading The Bitter Journey through Google Search
Bitter Billionaire Ben
Since I probably won't win that Powerball thingy because I'm not really a 1 in a billion odds kind of winner, I need to rethink the way I'm going to get the dollars in your pockets to mine. I tried to build the world's strongest vacuum that would suck the money directly from your wallets, … Continue reading Bitter Billionaire Ben
If I were a movie…Dot, Dot, Dot
First of all, to those that read that garbage that was on this blog yesterday, that was just inexcusable. I blame someone else, as per usual. The dog ate my homework, the cat wouldn't stop shedding all over, the hamster wouldn't stop running in circles...is what I would say if I had any of those … Continue reading If I were a movie…Dot, Dot, Dot
It’s Time to Bail Gifture Friday
In case you didn't know it, I am here to remind you that today is Friday. That means it is time to bail. Time to throw aside your work clothes and put on "Casual Friday" clothes. Time to bail on your diet that you committed to on Jan. 1 and get some pizza instead … Continue reading It’s Time to Bail Gifture Friday
Confrontation Bitterness
Last month, I was asked to do a task on the way home from work that turned into one of the most harrowing of my coming-home-from-work career. A lot of times, it is to pick up something at the grocery store, or to get gas in my car, but this task, while much the same … Continue reading Confrontation Bitterness
The Bitter Receiver
I've been reading the Giver with my daughter because it is required reading. If you haven't read it yet, then you need to go back to junior high again because you missed the required reading. Have fun with that by the way, the girls in your 7th grade math class are the cliquiest and they … Continue reading The Bitter Receiver
Rise of the Machines
Now that New Year's is over we can finally stop talking about our New Year's Revulsion's and improving and growing and learning stuff and talk about what is really important. Not people. Those things are the worst. Unpredictable, loud, annoying, talkative, messy, bad at reading signals like the Go Away in my voice, or … Continue reading Rise of the Machines
Then end of the World..I mean the end of the Year Bitter Giftures
As R.E.M. said, "It's the end of the Year as we know it, and I feel bitter." As I do my end of year bitterness reviews, I realize how little I did, and I realize I can do way better next year. And by way better, I mean do way less than I did this … Continue reading Then end of the World..I mean the end of the Year Bitter Giftures
The Bitter Body Swap
A little while ago, I was telling my son about the glamorous life of being an adult and he was like, "Dad, I totally want to trade. I want to go to work, and you can go to my school! You can be the kid and I can be an adult. You can do boring … Continue reading The Bitter Body Swap
Ben's Bitter Blog 