Introverts Employment Network

Extroverts are the rockstars of the world.

Extroverts are the rockstars of the world.

Extroverts are the rockstars of this big wide world of ours. They thrive on being in front of crowds, being the life of the party and making a scene. If not for them, cavemen and women may have just died out, because they would stayed home and watched Netflix, read books and only left the cave to get some groceries. There never would have been cave-to-cave salespeople trying to hawk tires either, and we may have never have discovered the sun.

Because of this caveperson mentality, life on this earth has long catered to the extroverts. People in power, whether it be political, or entertainment, or heads of industry extroverts are the ones that make rousing speeches, are comfortable being in front of a camera, or being the most exciting person at a party or gathering. Making people laugh, persuading people to do things out of their comfort zones, climbing mountains and writing inspirational quotes on the Facebook, Twitter and Instagram profiles about seizing the day.

An extrovert making bills yo.

An extrovert making dollar bills yo.

They are also the ones that attract some of the highest paying jobs, because they can schmooze an interviewer about all kinds of things they’ve done, whether they’ve done them or not. On the other hand, there are the introverts, who while they are okay every once in a while interacting with people, are perfectly happy at home alone, reading a book, watching Netflix marathons or laying on the couch eating pizza.

The thing they despise almost as much as anything is small talk. Schmoozing. Layering on something thick that doesn’t mean a darn thing. Networking. When it comes to finding a job, being an extrovert has all the advantages. Because of this, extroverts thrive in job finding industry, while introverts are stuck getting the scraps.

Most people will never know how amazing introverts are, because they are so enamored with extroverts, and their ability to BS, that they will never get to know what introverts are really like. That has to change my bitter acquaintances, and that is why I am proposing that we create the Introvert’s Employment Network.

We will come visit the introverts in their natural environments. Their caves.

We will come visit the introverts in their natural environments. Their caves.

This network is solely dedicated to introverts and helping them find jobs. And if necessary, creating jobs for them. It is absurd and ludicrous how underutilized introverts are. Many of them have talents in amazing things that people just don’t pay money for and they end up doing extrovert things because they want to support their families instead of living in poverty.

The IEN will cater specifically to introverts. Our process is pretty simple. We will talk to introverts (I know, sounds like something they won’t want to do) in their language, the way they are comfortable. So maybe they are good writers, so we talk to them through e-mail. We have them take the Myers-Briggs test, because they love that kind of thing. Maybe we come to their cave and watch Netflix with them, (without talking to them of course) or observe them at work when there is some downtime and discover just exactly what they are really passionate about. Do they like reading books, do they love a certain show on TV? Do they like to draw? Do they like to sing on the way to work or do they love to write or edit Youtube videos or have creative ideas about making Youtube videos, but just not have an actor friend to do these videos? Or do they just simply love accounting and numbers? Would they be a good fit with a small number of people that have some shared interests at work, or do they like just being left alone to accomplish amazing things instead stuck with a boss that likes to micromanage?

You're right Joker. You are so right.

You’re right Joker. You are so right.

Then we start finding companies that are introvert friendly. Not just the same old, accounting and IT positions, but ones that are natural fits for candidates. Maybe a company needs someone to write bitter blogs, but also someone that is passionate about cooking. Or someone needs a social media presence, but also likes someone that plays guitar. When we find the right fit, we find an HR rep or another person in the company that is trained in introversion. They must be introvert certified and understand how introverts work. Then an interview is set up.

So you are good at rocking out and avoiding punches? We've got just the job for you.

So you’re good at rocking out and avoiding punches? We’ve got just the job for you.

The candidate isn’t asked to dress up in a suit or asked to be at their most nervous. They aren’t asked the typical stupid interview questions, like how do you see yourself in five years? They are asked stuff like, what is your favorite thing on TV? What is your favorite video game, or book or website or movie. What is your favorite dream that you’ve ever been woken up by? What thing has made you the most excited to wake up in the morning for, or what do you most look forward to when you get home? What is the thing you would if you had the all the time in the world to do? Stuff like that to discover just exactly what drives the introvert and will unlock their full potential. What kind of management do you prefer? What hours work best for you?

It’s time for the introverts to finally be catered to. It’s time for the world to recognize what the freak they are missing out on. And time to get a big drill and dig into the ground and strike the oil of potential inside the minds of these crazy, creative, genius idea filled minds and cater to them. Now, is there any extroverts out there that can help us start this network?

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Introvert Network Ben

 

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93 thoughts on “Introverts Employment Network

  1. You could get a CDL like myself and drive around in a mobile cubicle where rarely if ever you have to talk to anyone.

    Keeps the conversation nicely down to “please sign here”. Then you can be onto your merry bitter way.

    Good luck.

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    • I’m pretty familiar with the Myers-Briggs. I find myself all the time at least looking at if people are introverts or extroverts. I really think that extroverts have such an advantage in the workplace for the most part because of how they present their personal brand. I find that companies really miss out on some really talented people because introverts don’t generally do well in interviewing and if there were a better way to interview them, companies could find a better people that would do well for them.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am mostly introvert. When wine is factored in, hold on to your hats. This post is perfect! I have panic attacks during job interviews, freak out and literally forget my past work history for the past 15 years. This is why I wish I could get my damn book published! Another reason I’m an introvert is I hate small talk and how fake it is. Don’t say “we’ll have to get together some time,” when you haven’t seen me in 10 years.

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  3. Love your last sentence.
    ‘Now, is there any extroverts out there that can help us start this network?’
    The anarchists never got anywhere, either, because they wouldn’t go to the meetings.
    Aaargh ,,, meetings!

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  4. So I just happen to be in HR and an introvert. I currently give workshops for introverts and hold non-pressure events for introverts.
    I would love to make something like this happen as it took me a while to find a job where I was comfortable as an introvert. It is also hard to find managers who can deal with introverts
    If anyone wants to reach out to me please feel free.

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  5. I would comment extensively, but I am much too embarrassed to admit to being a half breed. My mother was an introvert and my father was an extrovert. I have a mix of jeans, and some are introverted, and some are extraverted. some days I do not feel like wearing either of them, and then I am kiltaverted. I never got into Myers-Briggs, and a not sure when their hours are. personally, as a midtrovert, I am in extreme turmoil as to what to do about the introvert employment network.

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    • I think being stuck in the middle is a great situation. You can always just be ambivalent and straddle the fence and never have to make a decision and you can just blame your parents for like you know, not giving you good version genes.

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    • Yes, of course. We will all stay in our same spaces. There will be lots of not meetings, email and instant messaging, and only the most necessary of communicating. Lots of places to go “get away” and TV and video games there in case we need something to break any awkward silences.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Amazing idea, but my concern would be, how do we keep the extroverts out? I see so many extroverts in the workplace going around telling everyone they are introverts, or extroverted introverts (no such thing in my opinion).

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    • Well, I just came up with a solution. How about we hire security guards that are extroverts. They stay outside guarding the building. If they are introverts, they avoid small talk with the extro guards and slide right in. If an extroverts tries, he gets stopped by the extrovert guards, and they start talking small talk and networking and they never get around to going inside.

      Liked by 1 person

    • THOSE are the introverts that have mastered the art of theater. It’s difficult (at best) but it’s possible. Extroverts can co-exist with introverts (it happens in my house) but it’s not easy. The best we can hope for in the workplace is that the extroverts are used as entertainment… Wait, I’m sorry. I meant as, like – something important.

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      • I have a son that is an introvert and he is exhausting all the time. Sometimes I just tell him to go watch Youtube and he still talks to himself constantly. I think just for this office we need the introverted vibe so they would love working there.

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      • Oh I know that they can co-exist but there are quite a number of extroverts that think they are introverts and that annoys me. I don’t think any true introvert can display such extroverted traits, like being the centre of attention or always instigating/participating in social activities, sorry.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m an introvert in a customer service environment (income tax preparation) and I had my moments in the past few months where I have been tried. The manager is hardcore on customer service. Little things here that worked against me was not coming in and greeting people, especially if customers are here. I just come in and go to my desk. Since they got on me about it I made an effort to do it everyday. My biggest hurdle is while I’m interviewing them is making small talk. Non-tax talk. I know they’re giving me their whole life on a sheet of paper but I don’t want to get to know them and I don’t wanna disclose who I am. I don’t wanna flirt with the women. I don’t wanna be best buddies with the guys. But there was this one lady back in February who brought out the extrovert in me.

    You have a lot of good ideas. This could be reality Ben.

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    • I’m in customer service too, but over the phones and about two way radios. It just sucks because the phones just drain the life out of me and talking to people is just the worst. Isn’t it okay to just want to do your job and then go home? Like do we really need to become best buddies with customers? We just want to do our creative stuff (I recall you like to do Youtube videos right?)

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ll say phones are better because you don’t have to worry about appearance and body language. I have an extrovert inside me but it’s just a challenge to stay motivated. Even the money don’t motivate me when it should. Smh. Yeah, I still like doing YouTube videos. That’s actually what I want to do career wise. I guess introverts have to think outside themselves and remember the world is a stage. I say reap all the benefits of being a extrovert then go back to normal

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        • I would love to write for Youtube videos, because I’m not great on camera. But have a collaborative partner to write with and writing funny videos, sketches and the like would be awesome. Kind of like College Humor, etc.

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        • Whenever a blogger is consistent on here, like you, and have a nice size audience that engage with them, I always think how they would do on bigger platforms. The thing that attracts me about YouTube is the exposure and monetary gain. If you would ever like to collaborate on a video I would love to, but I try to shy away from humor cause everyone does it. That’s why I made my series about drama. I don’t write as much as you on here but I still write a post a week and if I transfer that effort on YouTube I should be good.

          Do you have a theme for your sketches? Or are they just individual pieces?

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        • Well, as you know, I’ve done a few Bitter News from the Couch, which I really liked doing, but it would be more fun if I had another person to be collaborating with. It would be so much better if it were two people. And I haven’t done any sketches, but with a partner I would have someone to bounce ideas off of and it would be so cool to do.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I think if my best friend (who lives far away) and I did it, we have enough good repore that I would be more comfortable doing it with him. But I much prefer coming up with the ideas etc and writing than being on the “on air talent”.

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  8. Word.
    When I was in grad school, snagging a summer internship with one of the big petroleum companies was the dream. In the fall they had “recruiting season,” and these folks would come in town, do a meet and greet, followed by interviews. It was expected that you go to the meet and greet (excruciating), generally held off-campus at some stupid bar with stupid food and stupid people, and they would be pissed off if you didn’t. Needless to say I did not get an internship (even though I am admittedly OK at interviews).
    This is probably why I got stuck at a low-paying state job vs a slick oil job earning 6 figures. Wait. If I had, I’d probably be unemployed now.
    I’m off to sit quietly.

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    • See what I’m talking about? That’s the kind of crap that makes me so bitter about all these companies thinking they need to have schmoozie people when the job has nothing to do with that. Especially when they awesomely creative people like us, that just have ideas practically jumping out of us, but no one ever hears them cause they are too busy small talking to death and drinking away all the creative ideas.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh the pressure to be extroverted is unbearable introverts are stuck in cubicles way in the back working silently and joylessly while the extros schmooze hang out in the boss ‘s doorway finagling their way in literally and figuratively taking all the credit. Rise up you Introverts. Don’t swallow your bitterness . It’s the one thing you have going for you!

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  10. It’s too late for me. I’m a lost cause. I’m retired after a lifetime of doing extroverted things, much to the chagrin of my introverted self. Now I’m locked away in my cave, and I ain’t coming out for nothing. Not even for a SWAT team full of extroverts.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Great idea! I am totally on board with the IEN! Coming to me in my native environment (my cave)? Sitting and watching Netflix with me but not speaking to me at all? Brilliant. Sign me up!

    I occasionally moonlight as an extrovert, but anyone who knows me knows that schmoozing is not my thing. The only thing I like laying on thick is peanut butter.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I thought this would be a good one for you. And while you are moonlighting as an extrovert, you can find jobs in your company that need introverting.
      And yeah, the stalking without talking idea is good and I think most introverts would understand as long as they knew the person wouldn’t talk or do anything.

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  12. I’ve studied extroverts and I know how to act like them, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

    Networking is a big deal when you’re an actor. Since I’m an introverted actor, I try to zero in on my fellow introverts and befriend them. Cautiously, of course.

    My other tactics are to sit around silently and wait for the extroverts to approach me. They love challenges.

    I can join your network and be a recruiter. I enjoy caves. Let’s take those extroverts down!

    Liked by 1 person

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