New Year’s Day Giftures


So what did you guys do last night to celebrate? Fireworks? The dropping of the ball? Toasting each other? That was a pretty awesome New Year’s Eve last night right? And while I don’t do New Year’s resolutions because who achieves goals?  I do look forward to all the bitterness this New Year will bring. You over there raising your hand. You have a question? Yes, I know it isn’t January. I mean look outside. It’s sunny in Seattle. I don’t need to look at a calendar to tell me it isn’t January. And no I’m not talking about Chinese New Year. Ugggh, seriously, you  guys don’t know that our Fiscal Year ends at the end of March? What is wrong with you? So here’s how it works for those that are a little slow. At the end of the year, we call that New Year’s Eve. At the beginning of the Fiscal year, today, it is Fiscal New Years. So Happy New Year. Let’s try to actually make some money this year. And do some Giftures. You realize today is April Fool’s too right? So you probably figured out that my previous post was just an April Fool’s joke right? Right? So try to figure out what trick I punked you on in today’s Giftures. Oh and here are some April Fool’s Giftures…

Alright who’s ready to put their…


…first leap forward. 

Who’s ready for…


…a dog and pony show.

Who ready to run with scissors…


…and put fingers in light sockets?

It would be nice if some of you…


…could stop being such a pain in the neck.

This is getting to be a serious…



Here’s a terribly funny joke you can play on someone…


…put some baby powder in their hairdryer and then realize they were going to put in on their face anyways, so they got you good.

Or another trick you can pull…


…is to train someone how to be super athletetic and then give them a regular springboard and see them fly off the handle onto their face.

Or you can try…


…the classic make someone waste their soda thing.

Or one of my personal favorites…


…the wake someone up a minute early so they don’t get their required 8 hours of rest trick. 

Yeah, I know..


…you are so totally upset right now.

I’d be pretty relieved  too…


…when you revealed these were all just April Fool’s Day jokes. 

I’m sorry…


…my bad.

I hope you get bitterly tricked over and over again today, by not only your family and friends, but the internet. And I hope you have a Bitter New Year too, and that this year is just as bad as last year if not worse.


Bitter Fool’s Day Ben


Oh, and by the way, if you were wondering what the joke was…I did all the giftures in reverse order…

Got you suckers!

Got you suckers!










32 thoughts on “New Year’s Day Giftures

  1. Last night, we munched on a large cheese and garlic pizza while listening to the crazy wind tip over the neighbor’s basketball hoop and toss trash cans down the street. The real celebration is today, when Blue Bloods returns after its March Madness hiatus. My life is so exciting I can barely stand it. 🙂


  2. especially the guy putting the metal in the electrical socket… i feel sorry for him, but… rofl the look on his face when shocked

    haaa… hell in a handbasket, that’s where i’m going 😛


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