When you are super lazy like me, and then are forced into doing actual work, you tend to get a little tired. Since naps are pretty much a requirement for me to be at my all time minimumest, I have to find another way to get them so I can be at my bitter best. … Continue reading The Bitter Dream World
Laziness
Bringing the Thunder
I'm good at noticing patterns. Well, at least when they happen over and over and over again. That's why I did so well on recognizing patterns part of the ACT's. And when I say I did well, I mean I did better than the math and science and the apprehensive portions. Meaning I got a … Continue reading Bringing the Thunder
The Big Daddy of them all
I don't know if you know this but today is Father's Day and you know what that means. Two little kids owe me some breakfast in bed and a new jet ski because of all that fathering I've been doing for them ever since they became my little tax deductions, uh little wonderful kids. They … Continue reading The Big Daddy of them all
Resting on your Laurels Friday Bitter Giftures
I live and work with a bunch of overachievers. Did you know there are actually people in the world that want more than to sit on their couch and eat pizza and play video games? I have no idea how exhausting it must be to have goals to do stuff other than that. What … Continue reading Resting on your Laurels Friday Bitter Giftures
A Three Hour Tour
I'm not from Arizona or the south where the temperatures are apparently slightly higher than the sun's core, and I'm not from DC or California where the traffic is slower than the parking lot at Walmart on Black Friday, but I am from Seattle where the sun doesn't shine(where people keep telling me to go) … Continue reading A Three Hour Tour
The Bitter Power of Editing
I was talking to my writer's group the other day and told them I could not make it to the group this week because I was too lazy and wanted to sleep in on Saturday. They totally would have believed me if I actually did say that, but unfortunately, that isn't what I really told … Continue reading The Bitter Power of Editing
Bendiana Jones and the Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness
The Bendiana Jones bitterventures continue in the third installment of the franchise in Bendiana Jones and The Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness. It all starts in a typically boring day in Bitter Bendiana's life as he prepares for a vacation in late May. As he ties up the last of the loose ends at work, … Continue reading Bendiana Jones and the Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness
Mowing down the Friday Giftures
A blade of grass. Swaying back and forth in the rhythm of the summer night's warm breeze. Not a care in the world as it feels the purple sunset's warmth cascade down its back. Thoughts of summer's past. Soft music hangs in the air, in concert with crickets chirping. The blade feels peace, serenity. … Continue reading Mowing down the Friday Giftures
Becoming Bitterly Famous
I've always wanted to be famous. Since at least 2012. That's why I created this blog. I want my face on every billboard, my name in lights on broadway, on every credit in every television show, my name in every movie's IMDB. I want to be so famous that you won't even be able to … Continue reading Becoming Bitterly Famous
Bitter Combo’s
I've played video games my whole life. Sure the graphics were kind of cloudy in the beginning, but that's because my bitter vision hadn't quite developed as well as my lungs did that first day. I remember doing a lot of screaming that day, but it was mostly because I couldn't even get past the first … Continue reading Bitter Combo’s
Santa Clause was at to our Garage Sale
"He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been good or bitter, so be bitter for goodness sake." - Bitter Ben stealing lyrics from a beloved child's song and exploiting it for his Blog's sake. It was 85 degrees and sunny yesterday, which never happens in Seattle … Continue reading Santa Clause was at to our Garage Sale
Guest Post-Hot Mess Memoir-How I Plan to Quit my Job
We all have that quitting-the-job fantasy, especially on those bitter days when your job sucks so bad, you'd rather run across a desert of glass shards than work another hour, take another phone call, or listen to your boss bark another order at you. Hot Mess, as she likes to be called over at … Continue reading Guest Post-Hot Mess Memoir-How I Plan to Quit my Job
Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
You know that show on ABC called Dancing with the Stars? It's a dance competition where minor celebrities get to actually work for a change and learn how to dance well while judges try to teach them how to improve. In the meantime, the rest of us are over here going, how dances to … Continue reading Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
Abendonment issues
Don't you hate it when everyone leaves you alone at home to play video games and take naps on the couch? Or when you are shopping at a store and none of the store clerks bother to come over and ask if there is anything in particular that you are looking for and if you … Continue reading Abendonment issues
Bitter Thank you’s
Sometimes I like to cry bitter tears because of the stupid books, movies and TV shows that actually get made or published. Like I could walk through a room and pull 15 ideas out of a hat that would be more intelligent. Any reality show on TLC or Fox sound like they were made by … Continue reading Bitter Thank you’s
Prescription Drug Bitterness
I just read the other day that there are only two countries in the world that allow prescription drugs to be advertised on television and one of those is the Good Ole USA. I have to say that I feel bad for the rest of the world because you guys are missing out on something … Continue reading Prescription Drug Bitterness
We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
You know the feeling, whether it is when you are up for a raise or if your favorite team loses on a terrible call by the refs. Getting robbed is a way of life and it happens all the time, especially when you expect something to happen and you always want justice to prevail. … Continue reading We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
While chilling on my stay at home vacation yesterday, my kids prodded me into waking up from my three hour nap to go outside. Ugh, fine, I said. I did my best to pretend to be a good dad, so when they asked that I throw the Frisbee around, I grudgingly agreed, despite the bitterness … Continue reading A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
A Bitter Firmware Upgrade
We use these things everyday. We do our taxes with them, we do boring spreadsheets with them, we work on them and we play games on them. We commit fraud with them, hack into other peoples bank accounts with them. We steal identities, make bad art with them, write terrible blog posts on them, become … Continue reading A Bitter Firmware Upgrade
#ANALLHASTAGPOSTTOMAKEYOURMONDAYBITTER
#Ithinkthetitlesaysitallsoifyouwanttogetoffthetrainrightnowhereisyourchance #ifnotyoucancontinuetoreadthisridiculouspost #ifyouwerelookingforawaytomakeyourmondaymorningbitteryou'vecometotherightplace #whywouldIdosomethingsostupid? #firstofallmondaysaretheworstandyouneedapostthatmatchesthebitternessoftheday #secondwhydotheycallthemhashtagswhentheyarepoundsigns #thirdwhydopeoplethinkthesethingsaresoimportantonfacebookinstagramandtwitter #whydopeoplethinkthataddingasuperlonghashtagtoaphotowillgetthemmoreviews #maybeitsbecauseitworksifyouhavetherighthashtag #ormaybeifyourpicturesucksoryourtweetsucksoryoufacesucksitdoesn'tmatterwhatyourhashtagis #regardlesshashtagsseemprettyuselesstomeespeciallywhentheyarelongandboringliketheseonesare #theyaregimmickyexceptwhenthereisactuallysomethingbehindthehashtag #likeabignamewithsomefameoracontroversywithoutsomemercy #haveIannoyedyouenoughyetwiththisinsanelygratiatingandannoyinghashtagpost #orareyoureadyformore #forallyouknowimjustthrowinggobblydegookonthispostandmakingupsomestupidwords #ifyouhaven'tgottenbitterbynowyouareprobablyamillenialasocialmediaaddictorariddlesolvingbatmanorbatwoman #letshopethishasn'tgivensomeofyoudepressionanxietyorconiptions #ormadeyouwanttopunchyourcomputerorphonescreens #orcauseyoutohittheunfollowbuttonbecauseyou'vefinallyhadenoughofthis #butifithascausedyoutowanttopunchaholeintheuniverse #youarenotalone #hashtagsalsomakemewanttohitatweetintheface #soafteryoureadthisletusneverspeakofthisagain #andlet'sneverdohashtagsagainunlesstheystartmakingusmillionaires #orbecomesupergeniuses #orfindthemeaningoflife #whichistofindourinnerbitternessforourselves #andshareitwithotherpeople #sothattheworldwillbeamorebitterplace #perhapsthemostimportanthashtagyouwilltakeawayfromthispost #ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH #bitterhashtagben
Ben's Bitter Blog 