Who’s your Best Friend? Friday Giftures

I see it everyday. Littered across different blogs, or on Instagram feeds, or even on the antiquated Facebook. Pictures of people with other people that aren’t in their family. Not people that they work with. They are smiling in photos, or happily sitting on beach chairs, or going on hikes through the woods, or playing sports together. If it’s a social media network that has a way to caption things on it, they put things like #besties or #bff or #friendsforlife. I don’t really understand these things. This phenomenon they call “friends”. What is their purpose? Why are they needed? Are they just for photos? Are they distractions from video games and laying on the couch? Are they just someone that ruins a perfectly good movie by talking to you? Or ruin a perfectly good dinner by making you pay for it? Or ruin a perfectly good paycheck by borrowing money against it? I’ll show you what I think a friend is. View the short video above to find my answer and then the gifs below for more clues…

A friend is there….

a

…to laugh at you, when you are feeling down. 

A friend is there…

...

…to snatch away the long wanted baseball at the last moment.

A friend is there…

...to abandon you when you accomplish your greatest achievements.

…to abandon you when you accomplish your greatest achievements.

A friend is there…

...to tackle you just when you are feeling safe.

…to tackle you just when you are feeling safe.

A friend is there…

...t9

…at all your games to help you feel supported.

A friend is there…

sfd

…to record the highlights of your life.

A friend is there to…

sdfd

…help you achieve heart attacks at an earlier age.

A friend is there…

...

…to stealthily mooch all your food and drinks.

A friend is there…

...

…outdo you in every competition.

A friend is there…

...

…to let you know what is acceptable to wear to an occasion. 

A friend is there…

a

…to help you waste time. 

And last of all a friend is there to…

...

…praise you for your sick dance moves. 

So don’t forget to tell your friends how much they mean to you this weekend. At least that is what people tell me you are supposed to tell them.  Don’t forget to tell them how much you’ve missed their practical jokes at your expense or tell them how glad you were that they were moving just when you were starting to become best buds, or how they are always there for you when you need money…to be taken from you wallet. I’ll stick with my best friend…pizza.

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Friend Pizza Ben

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77 thoughts on “Who’s your Best Friend? Friday Giftures

  1. the last trainstop I wuzz@ wuzz “far side” — about pizza, uv coarse. & there “here”, the bitterist spawtawn the internet. all those, uh, people, in caterpillar/pupae/fuzzy-spurm costumes? what da heck izzat? but there was, berleave it or else, a thought (or sumtin like a thought, I think) goin’ thru’ my mined as I read/viewed (mostly) the above: you (ben the Bitterrurr) have a lotta time on yore hands. sometimes I wished I did, ’cause when I do, something happens, like one of our Inux fell over! (committed suicide, it did), and then spousie-poo comes home with a box of NEW PLANTS (& if I don’t help she’ll not only glare at me, she’ll give the grimacing of my recent lifetime, and I’ve gotten even more pathetic than ever, and can’t handle that). oh, yeah … you and your hands and all that time, and I suspect … uncompen$ated?

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  2. That guy doing a flip just so he can mooch a drink? He’s my freaking hero. I would totally do that for shrimp. Hmm. I just realized that you and I should never order a pizza topped with shrimp. Or, we should, and we should film what happens. And then post it on social media with the caption “Bitter Besties Break Bad.” Awesome.

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    • Now that video would go viral. Can you imagine the epic battle that would happen for ownership of that pizza. It would be better than Captain America vs. Iron Man. Or Batman vs. Superman. And if it made the Today Show, we would get our own action figures.

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  3. I want to write OMG WHO THE FUCK CARES under those pictures. If you ask me it’s imaginary celebrity syndrome and a way for them to get narcissistic supply. I am off fakebook and oh my the amount of time that i got you have no idea

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      • millions of hashtags and attention whores. i want to make an instagram named ”i follow bad instagram accounts” and start following them to see what happens.

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        • i think narcissists are like parrots. For a parrot even negative attention is positive attention, that’s why they are hella hard to train. The only thing you can do when they get quack is to leave the room immediately. So normal trolling won’t have effects, you need to be kinda raid boss troll.

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        • My co-worker next to me must be a narcissist then because I can argue with him all day and he still thinks he’s the greatest. I can make fun of him all day, and it has no effect because he is so non self aware.

          Liked by 1 person

        • you are feeding him with high quality supply because in his infected brain, he must be really great since you waste your time and space to convince him. Start ignoring him. If you can’t slay the orc, starve it.

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  4. But Ben…I thought you and I were BFF’s!! I mean, you always told me a friend was there to remind you to be bitter at least 3 times a week and I thought we were besties! Now who is this Pizza guy and what can I do to reclaim my place in your heart?

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