I’m good at noticing patterns. Well, at least when they happen over and over and over again. That’s why I did so well on recognizing patterns part of the ACT’s. And when I say I did well, I mean I did better than the math and science and the apprehensive portions. Meaning I got a 19 instead of a 17 on those, which if you’ve ever taken the ACT’s, you should know that those are terrifyingly low scores. But my ability to recognize patterns were on a genius level compared to the rest of my skills.
Anyhoo, I recognized a pattern yesterday on social media, so I social mediaed about it(see above tweet). There was a phenomenon involving pretty much the most boring thing in my mind ever. The weather. For some stupid reason, many people were posting the temperature that it was in their particular area. 110, 108, 97, 98. I get it. It’s hot. Probably record breaking hot. And you want everyone to know that it was hotter where you lived than it was where I live? Is it a competition? Are you bragging about the fact that your town has hotter degrees than someone else’s? Are you telling me how brave you are for venturing outside in such a temperature? I don’t really care. I could care this many bitters how hot it was where you live. And honestly, I couldn’t care two flippers about how hot or not it is where I live either. Until it started sandbagging our garage sales. Then I started to curse the mighty God of Thunder. Whoever they were in Greek Mythology.
I just got told that Thor is the God of Thunder. So hey Thor, I know you and your Mighty Avengers buddies are busy saving the planet from all kinds of alien threats, I was wondering if you guys could stop having battles in New York, New Mexico, Sakovia and London so the weather isn’t so strange around here. Actually, could you just more specifically battle on the weekdays when I don’t really care what the weather is like outside? Your little Thunder and Lightning battles have kind of put a damper on our garage sales the last two weeks. I mean I would even have no problem if you wanted to destroy my work building just enough so I could get a good two month summer vacation going. Just take the weekend off if you don’t mind. Thanks.
Speaking of thunder, we had some last night. And it got me thinking. Why are people so afraid of thunder? Is Thor being the God of Thunder that terrifying? Because if so, he’s basically just the God of LOUD NOISES! Ooooh! So he’s like a burglar who breaks into your house, and make lots of noise, but doesn’t actually steal anything? Or is he just like your co-worker who talks a lot at meetings, but never really produces any actual work? Or someone who is famous for talking on the TV, but doesn’t have any actual talent? Or a huge group of people that talk a lot, but don’t accomplish much?
Thor is mighty because he also brings the lightning. Most people are all talk and no walk. Or should I say, “All Thunder and No Lightning.” And that people should stop being so afraid of the rain, because I’ve got some junk in my house that needs to be unloaded for lots of money and it doesn’t help when it is thundering and lightning.
So, Thor, if you don’t stop bringing the thunder and lightning this weekend, I expect you to at least come buy a few bookshelves and some used tools, and a few cups of lemonade from my kids.
Bitter Thunder and Lightning Ben