Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures


You know that show on ABC called Dancing with the Stars? It’s a dance competition where minor celebrities get to actually work for a change and learn how to dance well while judges try to teach them how to improve. In the meantime, the rest of us are over here going, how dances to dance well? Have they ever been to a dance before? Dancing isn’t about precise movements and practice and organization and skill.  Dancing is about how bad you do it. About how much you can imitate an animal mating ritual, or acting like you are stuck in a glass box without oxygen. I don’t know how many proms they’ve been to, but no one is trying to glide across a dance floor. The real competition is to see how badly you can dance. So I’m doing a Bitter Ben style Friday Giftures  competition with guest bad dancers, and guest judges, called Dancing with the Subpars. If this catches on, I might pick up the show for my Bitter Entertainment Network (BEN) later next year. In the meantime, enjoy the trainwreck!

Our first contestant…

...Is mediocr

…Is mediocre dog performing his flying through space with sunglasses dance. 

Our guest judge gives Mediocre Dog…


…two What’s out of 10!

Our next contestant is Smiling Girl dressed as a Pooch…


…doing the classic head bounce dance. 

And our Guest Judge Stanley….


…Oh! Gives her the extended Micheal eyeroll! 

Next up, we have our cat couple attempting…


…the headlock tango…

And our guest judge Bill Hader…


…well, he seems to be surprisingly entertained by it. 4 popcorns out of 5. 

Our next dancer is…


…performing the cringing inducing splits-with-a-bounce- after dance.

And our guest judges…

And our guest judges, well,

…cannot believe what they just saw…

And our next contestant on Dancing with the Subpars… 


…is the 80’s Ice Skaters!

How do you feel about this one Guest Judge Jim?…


…I do too Halpert.

And our last contestant…


…is Wayne Brady doing the uh, the upside down peace booty shake? 

And our guest judge for this last dance thinks…

Oh, my gosh

…Oh, my gosh, Smiling Girl dressed as a Pooch likes what she just saw!  

Well, that is about as much action as I can handle for one day. I think our first installment of Dancing with the Subpars was an epic fail. So, as with all epic fails, the ratings were huge and the show has been picked up for another season! Make sure to tune in on the Bitter Entertainment Network next season when we see another trainwrecked, car crashing, can’t look away epic fail!


Bitter Dance of With Your Pants Off Ben


37 thoughts on “Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures

  1. Okay… Maybe that’s true… the whole mating thing. But I tell you. I DANCE Goooooood! I am sumpin’ to witness on the floor, Mr. Ben. NOT bragging, just sayin’

    I agree that Dancing with the stars is a sham and a dime a dozen.

    But you take Dance and I mean real expression and mastery or the body and then you take sexuality and I mean real devotion to being a human being woman… and being sensual…

    and WOWie Zowie.

    It’s art!!!!! it’s human. It’s important. It’s freedom of speech.

    🙂 thanks for your forum. I like u.


    • The reason why I do gifs on Fridays is to watch people fall. And in fact, one time my son fell on his bike and I recorded it and told him we should put it on Youtube and he didn’t want me to. So I almost did, but then karma came and bit me because I lost all my photos and videos and didn’t have them backed up. ARRRRGGGHHH!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Don’t judge yer self. You’d be goooood. I agree with abandoning yourself to the dance. All the ladies know it, and Absolutely NO disrespect to the Mrs. She’d like it too! 🙂

        There is NO No no such thing as a terrible dancer, just a shy one…


        • Yes I doooooo, kind sir! But I see it in you. This dance…
          SOOOOOOOO Take the Mrs. Dancing on a date nite and she will swoooooon. I urge you to court her and prove me correct! 🙂
          No matter how silly, we love the men who dance with us. You’re awesome.


        • I did take her to a church dance a while back, but we ended up chaperoning the whole night and couldn’t get on the floor, but we did move to the beat a little while we were coat checking.


        • BOO! you try again! And do it right. Don’t go to a fucking church social!!!!! Forgive my language. I am pretty hard on christians… too, so sorry if I offend.

          But go dancing for real. Get a babysitter and and take your lady out. Get her flowers and be bitter lovable you, but take her dancing and don’t think about your feet. She will love it. She WILL LOVE it.


        • What is wrong with a church social? And how do you know I’m Christian because I go to Church? And what do you have against Christians? I am one, but it isn’t the only part of me. As you can see, I’m a lot of other things besides that. A husband, a father, a bitter blogger an employee…


        • Oh, not to say you are Christian then? I apologize for presuming.

          I’m from a mixed family with catholics, and watch towers and methodists and so called atheists and the list goes on. As a woman, I have found christians 100% bullshit and oppressive and yet… YET I like Jesus (historically as I am WELL educated by the man not the faith(s)

          I am tooooooooooo smart and educated to be christian as a woman, but I will answer any of your questions I am able to and mean not to offend. I am a woman of science and spirit. I am evolution and not knowing. I don;t mean to tell you what to know. But I am not a submissive woman to any archetype just because it has “worked” in the past…


        • I think all people’s believes are deeply personal and shouldn’t be judged. Whether someone is a Christian or believes in science and spirit. Just like someone can love baseball or love basketball and still be fine with the other person. As long as it isn’t harming another person.


        • Maybe.

          But we harm one another.

          We don’t consider one another like we think we do.

          I don’t get along with christians anymore because it was all about my acceptance of them, not really the other way around. They always say they don’t judge they discern, but this is not true. It’s a meme. a tool. You’re either a real person or not. A book can help give perspective but the bible is NOT the only perspective. I have been abused by Christians. In particular the white man’s church. The patriarchy. The white supremacist. The matriarchal support for this too. I am not against christians… but they need to know they have a side to their fence and should stay on that side to co exist peacefully. It’s not about hanging out and loving one another. It’s about understanding the differences and respecting them. That I can do well enough. But I will not have my rights as a human abused and Christians tend to believe they have the rights to my womb. I am pro choice. I never got knocked up in my life, and I am pro choice. Bottom line, the church never served a woman in her life. Women serve the church. And men. But I don’t mean to have a religious debate or offend religious people. I want to respect the fences.


        • total respect. No offense to your beliefs at all. You’ve been kind and a good sport and very generous with your time and discussion. I’ve enjoyed meeting you on the “virtual plane”.


Your Bitter Comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.