Abendonment issues

Bsdf

My exercise for the day.

Don’t you hate it when everyone leaves you alone at home to play video games and take naps on the couch? Or when you are shopping at a store and none of the store clerks bother to come over and ask if there is anything in particular that you are looking for and if you need anything to just go and find them? Or when you are at work, typing away on a blog post and no one bother to comes up and ask if they can offer you some worthless advice to make your post more bitter? I especially hate it when I’m on vacation laying on the beach and not one stranger comes up to me and asks if I want to be their friend.  Abendonment is the worst.

Can people like me ever overcome abendonment issues? Perhaps someday with the proper amount of shock therapy and extreme behavior modification, but not everyone or everything can overcome this kind of deep seeded issue.

Maybe with some shock therapy, I'll get over my abendonment issues.

Maybe with some shock therapy, I’ll get over my abendonment issues.

What can we do for those that don’t respond to the therapy like we do? For instance, how about the poor neglected Jolly Rancher. Every year, millions of kids ignore the fruit flavored, sticky, hard candy until the very end of their candy piles. The captains of the candy teams always choose the Chocolates(Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers,etc) first and the fruity S’s (Skittles and Starbursts) first, then the lesser but still imminently eatable candy’s next, only to be confronted by the bottom of the barrel, and ironically named Jolly Rancher’s. How can a candy be so Jolly when they always get chosen last?

While I am a bit of a bitter dust collector myself, most people aren’t. Dust is perpetually being ignored. Dust just sits idly by in corners of desks, behind unused curtains, covering up your TV. While occasionally trying to get your attention by flitting around in the sunlight, they hope for someone to notice them. Hoping that someone will ask them if there is anything in the store they are looking for. Hoping that someone will bother them on their vacation in the sun. Hoping that one spring, maybe just maybe, they will be invited to a party instead of being shooed away from their corner where they settled. Hoping that anyone other than spider webs will become friends with them.

MySpace definitely has some abendonment issues. Once a huge superstar in Hollywosocialmedia, MySpace’s star rode fast, furious, and hot before flaming out like burnt toast. Once a social media darling, MS’s flashy, busy, more glittery look was quickly abandoned for much cleaner, less busy, and way more useful Facebook interface. MySpace became an E! True Hollyinternet story and sits sadly in a corner of the internet, hoping that someday people will come flocking back for a reunion concert, but knows that will probably never happen.

While the Microsoft family always seems like one big happy family, and some of their children are given special treatment, cough, Windows and Xbox(W&X), cough again, while others weren’t treated so well.  You know how it is in some families though. The stars get all the praise, and the bigger allowance and the public praise, while the not so special children get ignored. Microsoft Zune(Y no Z?), always tried so hard, against his rival Ipod, but when none of his friends(ie games) were compatible with him, Zune soon found even his family abendaned him.

Sorry Bro, we don't need you for any reindeer games.

Sorry Bro, we don’t need you for any reindeer games.

Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer was a little different. He had a very shiny nose. And if you never saw, you would even say, it glows. All of the other reindeer laugh and call him names and never let him join in any reindeer games. Then global warming came and every Christmas was sunny and Santa came to say, that they wouldn’t need any reindeer with red, shiny noses, because he could see just fine thank you very much and Rudolph never made the squad. Poor Rudolph and his abendonment issues.

I hope you’ve learned much from these bitter tales. Stop trying so hard. Stop thinking you need people. And stop being so co-dependent on others and that way when people abendon you, you will be just fine sitting on your couch, eating pizza and playing video games. Or you can depend on others and learn to be bitter when they do abendon you.

Either way, you’re bitter.

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Abendonment Issues Ben

 

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48 thoughts on “Abendonment issues

  1. We live in a society where most have there eyes glued to their cell phones. I am a social bug but I prefer my solace. A dichotomy. Bur, aren’t we all. Complicated, many stuck in their own bubbles, I don’t even know my neighbors after ten years. (Maybe because I am confined to bed) But, not one has darkened our door.

    I really enjoyed this post. It seems to me you have a je ne se qoi of humor. 🙂

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  2. You know what would help the Jolly Ranchers… Load up on Peeps in March and give them to children for Halloween. I realize we just shifted the abendonment issue to something else, but now I’ve saved money in the process.

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  3. Geez I love my alone time which happens NEVER!!! My favorite thing to do is eat pizza, lie on the couch in my wife beater, no bra and boxers. Nope not a dude here but I love some lazy time!

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  4. Well, I could certainly do without the mall kiosk venders constantly walking up and trying to put lotion on me or style my hair. Mall kiosk employees make me bitter.

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  5. I’ve learned that abandonment is best handled by avoidance. Avoid attachments and dependencies on people. Avoid intimacy of all kinds. If you feel ignored – leave and don’t look back. Let it go? Ha! I say don’t hold on in the first place. See? Abandonment issues can’t grow without roots.

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  6. And here I thought this was going to be about me and how I’m not blogging any more and don’t read your blog. Never fear, I’m still reading so stop you’re whining…even if that wasn’t what the blog was about.

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    • It should have been all about you, and you totally abandoning us because of your “spiritual journey” or whatever you are calling your just giving up of your blog because you are too lazy. Maybe I will do a sequel to this post and just put you on blast in front of all of WordPress. I’m not bitter at all.

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      • Well! I will have you know that all your negativity is just rolling off of me because I am breathing and meditating and finding myself…and possible strangling someone with a pilates band.

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        • It’s good to see my bitterness is finally rubbing off on you. It’s only taken like three years now! I’m sure meditation and breathing will really solve those problems for you.

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  7. Right now, as I sit here home alone while my wife galavants all over town, I have no issue with abandonment. The only issue is a small but growing feeling of bitterness, knowing that she will be home soon. With luck, maybe her car will break down. Abandonment is so nice. Until it’s time for dinner.

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  8. The way to get waited on in a store is to stand by something expensive and look like you want to buy it. Jolly Ranchers are my favorite candy as chocolate doesn’t last long enough. Dust would do better if it quit making people sneeze. I don’t what to tell you about the rest of that stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hey, now. They’ll still need Rudolph in China. Their air quality is abysmal. And maybe during the summer Olympics in Brazil. Maybe it can attract all the Zika-carrying mosquitoes and save the spectators.

    Liked by 1 person

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