Becoming Bitterly Famous

Here you

I’ll be on this show by the morning.Β 

I’ve always wanted to be famous. Since at least 2012. That’s why I created this blog. I want my face on every billboard, my name in lights on broadway, on every credit in every television show, my name in every movie’s IMDB. I want to be so famous that you won’t even be able to mention anything in pop culture without hearing my name. I want every entertainment magazine to start off their show with my name, whether it is for my new movie premiere or my latest visit to McDonald’s drive thru. Extra, ET, Access Hollywood, E! New, Inside Stuff should have camera people camped permanently outside my house. Bitter Ben should be a name you should hear more than a Kardashian.

But you may ask, “Why would you want to be famous, Bitter Ben? You are an introvert and a low key guy that only writes on the internet because you want to spread the bitter word of Bitterness. Β You would rather sit on your couch and watch TV, than go outside. You would rather hide under your desk at work than attend a meeting with other people. You would rather spend a whole day, not showering, wearing a hat and hiding inside a house than ever embrace the harsh world of fame.

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Cameras talk too much. Thousands of words too much.Β 

Exactly. I can’t stand cameras. I can’t stand people and pushy salesman and stalkers in my lawn waiting for me to say a word or screw up epically. I despise people who seek attention and manufacture scandal or problems or shock value in order to get any more attention. Any chance I get to stay away from people I take it. So why would I want to be famous? Because it would make me bitter.

The whole circle of fame just oozes of bitterness. I would rise to fame for doing nothing more than disappearing on a boat for a while , having 19 kids, or winning the lottery. I would start to get really full of myself, ignore my true friends, start being rude to everyone, showing up late and feign humility when I got awards and free stuff. So basically like how I am now, but in front of a way bigger audience. I would continue to use my fame to get other things, until one day I decided to stay out of the limelight for a few moments and then people just start forgetting about me. Then I would start eating too much ice cream and pizza, getting out of shape for my role in the next big YouTube video and trying to pathetically get on a reality show and get famous for one more cycle before going bankrupt and realizing that the only way I can make money anymore is by acting, but I can’t act, so I live out my days in obscurity.

That is how it will all end. But here is how it will all start. I officially announce my candidacy for a quick rise to fame. Behold, the most famous way to get famous on YouTube. A cat video:

This is going on YouTube as of last night. Before you wake up in the morning, I will be the most famous person in the world. See you on the other side of fame Bitterians!

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH

Bitterly Almost Famous Ben

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62 thoughts on “Becoming Bitterly Famous

  1. A couple of numbers to make you really bitter.
    At the moment of this comment you have 74 likes and 55 comments on your blog, but only 44 views and 2 likes on your video.
    Come on people, and you call yourselves Bitterians.

    PS
    The conversation between you and my lovely wife (A Kinder Way)……hysterical, and I want to see pictures of the Sia hair before they hit the grocery store checkout.

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    • I’ve found that people always prefer the social media that gets them the most likes and follows, which is why I blog. As much as I try on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, nothing gets me even close to what I do on the blog so I just stick here. Until I start seeing anything on YouTube anyways…

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  2. Pingback: Posts Of Note (Week 10) – A Kinder Way

  3. But is bitter always better Ben??
    Seeing how I just stuttered over those words ****in my mind****…. it’s difficult to say.

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  4. 1st kawminty? ah doubt it. butt-yer ARE famous, inna weigh. I would suspect anyone who thinks of anything bitter, is bitter, considers bitter (I drank some bitters last night in lieu of whiskey in an attempt to write a clever late-night post but of coarse that didn’t turn out, cleverly, that is, actually isn’t) sees the werd “bitter” thinks of you!

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  5. Quoting Fred Allen: “A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” Celebrities are anything but happy, they have no privacy whatsoever, are constantly in the public eye, followed by paparazzi and are addicted to fame among other things such as often alcohol, drugs, gambling, luxury lifestyle etcetera. Mohammed Ali was a remarkable guy, but he had his flaws and the biggest was that he was addicted to fame that is why he continued to fight till a later age in the ring eventually getting Parkinson from too many punches. Other famous cases among many were Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson who were destroyed by fame. All the people that I knew that became famous changed instantly their personality and in most cases wives and friends because the rich can only have rich friends. No you better stay as you are just famous in your household and for your friends. Thanks for your lovely post I really enjoyed it.

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  6. Yeah, fame scares the shit out of me, too. I go to submit something and think to myself, Do I really want to deal with the fame that could come from this? And I decide I don’t, so I don’t send it in. Let them publish it after I’m dead. Then I will have the last laugh. Well, sort of.

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  7. Um. I’m not quite sure what to say except that I’m feeling a bit bitter that I wasted 39 seconds watching your cat almost do tricks. But if that woman on YouTube can get free education for her 19 children just for laughing in a Chewbacca mask, I’d say you should give viral a try. Besides, if you fail, it will only make you more bitter. Which is a plus. Then you could write Ben’s Bitterer Blog…

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  8. Country music star Tracy Byrd released a song in the 1990’s called “Lifestyles of the not so rich and famous”. Most of us live a life of anonymity and privacy dreaming of something big.

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  9. I’m rather bitter that you’ve betrayed your introvert roots to attempt to be like them… the extroverts who live to be seen. And to use your cat to become famous? *shakes head in dismay*

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    • First of all, I only wanted to be famous so I could be a jerk for a while, then I would be even more ignored after my plummet down to has been celebrity. And second that isn’t my cat. It was a neighbor’s my son was watching. I would never own a cat. (Though does anyone really own a cat?)

      Liked by 1 person

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