Mowing down the Friday Giftures


A blade of grass. Swaying back and forth in the rhythm of the summer night’s warm breeze. Not a care in the world as it feels the purple sunset’s warmth cascade down its back. Thoughts of summer’s past. Soft music hangs in the air, in concert with crickets chirping. The blade feels peace, serenity. Then a moment later an engine roars, the putrid mix of gas, sweat and oil permeate the air and the blade of grass is mowed down, only moments earlier being invincible.

We might all feel the same way. We may sit around in our little deck chairs, feeling the warm breeze, chilling on the porch, until one day, a Friday, we are assaulted and mowed down by the loud roar of Friday Giftures. When only moments earlier we were invincible. Try not to get mowed down by the bitterness.

Don’t you hate it when you are trying to slide down a roaderslide…


…and someone takes cut in front of you?

The snowflake is even less safe from getting mowed down…


…if not by the sun, then these runaways.

This truck was trying to find his long lost girlfriend…


…he finally tractor down.

I thought I wanted to be a lawyer someday…


…until I realized I would have to hunt down clients and live underwater.

Some people…


…just aren’t trained to use a camera correctly.

Soon after this guy avoided the train…


…he became Superman because he was faster than a loco motive.Β 

After this near miss, this Miss became a Bee Gee…

After this

…because she was HA HA HA HA Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive.

Speaking of near misses…


…if this is the way us bad shooters are treated, I should be selling out stadiums.

How would you feel if you were…


…a blade of grass in this yard?

Sometimes you are just at a meeting…


…and you have to pretend like your boss said something that made sense.Β 

Do you ever feel like you got hosed…

...on your teeth whitening appointment?

…on your teeth whitening appointment?

So are we finished here…


…cause just once in my life, I want to finish something.Β 

Well, off to go pretending that I’m invincible, while maniacs try to prove that I am not. Should be amazing! Good luck surviving your weekend!


Bitter Blade of Grasshopper Ben













15 thoughts on “Mowing down the Friday Giftures

  1. I missed your Friday Giftures, they always make me snicker :’)

    And omg that shark situation is the sole reason why I’d NEVER go into one of those diving cages…. D:


  2. That motor cycle crash freaked me out!!!! I feel like I got mowed down a few times this week but I’m a weed and won’t go away, bounce back every fucking time! πŸ™‚


    • I like to think that I would stop and check on someone after I mowed them down, but then again I mow down grass all the time without stopping to think that I am cutting down grasses life all the time. And accidentally stepping on ants too.


  3. Seems to me that Mr chainsaw hedge trimmer is wasting energy and I also feel a little bit traumatized by the “performance art” somehow. It might be excellent exercise, but I wouldn’t even try that method. All you need is a barker charging admission and this:

    I’ve seen people like the teeth lady before, but after that I was blinded for a week. Her laser probably eats souls, or at least cuts them down like unsuspecting innocent blades of grass before the mower are silent.


Your Bitter Comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.