Who is ready for this week to end? Who has had just about enough of this crap? Whose eyeballs just can't take it anymore? Yeah, me either. If you think you are sick of reading this blog for a fourth day in a row, how do you think I feel having write it for a … Continue reading The Jerk Store called and said they ran out of Bitter Giftures
holidays
Coming Soon – A Bitter Rap Musical
You know how you feel way more comfortable being a psychopath at home than you do at work or other public places? Like for instance, you have no qualms about using weird voices or talking really loudly or walking around with no shoes or socks on? Just me? Whoops. Well, there is this thing we … Continue reading Coming Soon – A Bitter Rap Musical
The Core Four
I am a man of simple means. If you were to raid our house or burn it down (because you were super bitter about something I did to you or said about you) you would have to be pretty ambitious to get to stuff that I own that actually matters to me. You'd have to … Continue reading The Core Four
Extra Day Bitterness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLpDiIVX0Wo You know that advertisement for Extra gum where the guy meets the girl in high school? They have all kinds of special moments so he starts drawing them on Extra gum wrappers? Then he proposes to her by showing her all the drawings he made on the wrappers? Talk about giving extra to get … Continue reading Extra Day Bitterness
Clean up in Aisle Friday Bitter Giftures…
For a guy that is a big slob that makes messes both literal and figurative, it is kind of ironic that I am in charge of cleaning up after people all the time. Obviously I don't mean clean up in a literal sense, because that would require me taking steps off my couch or … Continue reading Clean up in Aisle Friday Bitter Giftures…
Fail Hard 2: Fail Harder
I've been feeling a little down lately. You know that feeling you get when just feel like you could be so much more? That feeling where you just aren't living up to your full potential? I've been working my whole life to make a difference and just can't get over this proverbial hump. I just … Continue reading Fail Hard 2: Fail Harder
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Easy Way vs. The Hard Way
As I mentioned earlier this week, I grew up in South Dakota. A little known fact about South Dakota. The streets went uphill both way. The street always had 4 feet of snow on them every day of the year. There were no cars or calculators, or technology. Heck, there wasn't even Google. My eyes … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Easy Way vs. The Hard Way
Up Bitter Creek Friday Giftures
I just heard that it reached 90 degrees in Arizona, which I'm told is the record for earliest 90 degree day there ever. This happened as the rain continues to drizzle in the plizzle where I livel fo shizzle. Did you just see how my language devolved into 1990's Snoop Dog? How uncool was that? … Continue reading Up Bitter Creek Friday Giftures
Your Day of Reckoning is Coming
I was born in California, close to LA. When I was 6 we moved to New York, Long Island to be exact. Then all my chances of and becoming a bi-coastal superstar and ever being cool died at the age of 8, when we moved to South Dakota. South Dakota is not only in the … Continue reading Your Day of Reckoning is Coming
Monday Morning Snapback
After one of the more memorably mentally exhausting weekends in recent memory, we can finally put the objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear(the rear view mirror). Now that it is Monday morning, we can make like Abe Lincoln and start slaying Zombies and make like George Washington and start chopping down … Continue reading Monday Morning Snapback
The Four Chambers of my Bitter Heart
I'm seeing a lot of hearts around lately. When I was at Target, I saw them on little cards with basketball players, Spongebob and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. They had really bad pun sayings on them that only I would appreciate. (Even kids groan at these things.) There was also candy and chocolate … Continue reading The Four Chambers of my Bitter Heart
The Bitter Groundhog
Let's face it. The groundhog is famous for only two things. Every February they are known for disappointing millions of people by seeing their shadow or not seeing their shadow(whichever one it is, I don't think anyone knows) and predicting that we have 6 more weeks of winter. Though if you want to be disappointed … Continue reading The Bitter Groundhog
Fit Bitterness
It's mid January, which means all your dreams of getting in shape have been dashed like the Death Star at the end of Star Wars (spoiler warning too late if you haven't seen a movie that came out in 1977). Though I can find bitterness in even the most benign situations, other less bitter individuals … Continue reading Fit Bitterness
Bitter Billionaire Ben
Since I probably won't win that Powerball thingy because I'm not really a 1 in a billion odds kind of winner, I need to rethink the way I'm going to get the dollars in your pockets to mine. I tried to build the world's strongest vacuum that would suck the money directly from your wallets, … Continue reading Bitter Billionaire Ben
Then end of the World..I mean the end of the Year Bitter Giftures
As R.E.M. said, "It's the end of the Year as we know it, and I feel bitter." As I do my end of year bitterness reviews, I realize how little I did, and I realize I can do way better next year. And by way better, I mean do way less than I did this … Continue reading Then end of the World..I mean the end of the Year Bitter Giftures
The Bitter Body Swap
A little while ago, I was telling my son about the glamorous life of being an adult and he was like, "Dad, I totally want to trade. I want to go to work, and you can go to my school! You can be the kid and I can be an adult. You can do boring … Continue reading The Bitter Body Swap
Things you are Bitterly Sick Of (Besides my Blog)
I'm sure some people are going to claim they had a good holiday and they got everything they wanted and did everything they wanted and got along so well with their families or had some good time away. But as you know, being bitter is about thinking about things in a whole different way than … Continue reading Things you are Bitterly Sick Of (Besides my Blog)
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Day v. Night
Annnd...now the awkward season of "Did I accomplish anything this year?" begins. At least for people that actually have goals and stuff. Those people are probably hard at work with guilt and regret and suffering because they didn't live up to goals. And scheming is taking place to start new goals. That must cause … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Day v. Night
Some Last minute Friday Gif Ideas
I feel you, last minute procrastinator shoppers. I'm out shopping for my last minute gifs RIGHT NOW. For some reason all the stores seem to be closed, but I'm bound and determined...just kidding, I'm just wandering around out here. Where is everyone by the way? How is it that I'm am supposed to get … Continue reading Some Last minute Friday Gif Ideas
All I want for Christmas…
When someone tries to teach me something, they need to bring visual aids. If it is math, I need some story problems. If it is science, I need a telescope. If it is a restaurant you are trying to convince me to go to, bring me a pizza from there. You can't ask … Continue reading All I want for Christmas…
Ben's Bitter Blog 