For a guy that is a big slob that makes messes both literal and figurative, it is kind of ironic that I am in charge of cleaning up after people all the time. Obviously I don’t mean clean up in a literal sense, because that would require me taking steps off my couch or out of my seat at work and those I’m not willing to give. And not conceptually because that would require a plan or goal and that I’m not willing to make. I’m talking the virtual mess that my co-worker’s make like sending the wrong things, or charging the wrong price or when they accidentally sell something and we have to give money back to people. Yep, when they spill something in virtual aisles, there is a virtual call over the virtual loudspeaker that virtually says, “Bitter Ben, clean up on virtual aisle 44.” I virtually can’t stand this anymore. The word virtual. The messes OTHER people make. This intro that just keeps going on and on. Especially when it’s Freaking Friday an you are ignoring this intro you so can get to the gifs. So just throw your mops down and make someone else clean it up. And while you are rebelling make sure to check out these big messes…
Don’t you hate when you wash your car…
…and then it rains…from the rear end of bird.
Don’t you hate it when you are trying to sleep…
…and the raccoon’s are making a racket outside…I MEAN WHAT IS HE DOING ON MY FACE!
Let’s carefully set up our $15,000 drone here so we can delicately take a picture…
…and HAWK ATTACK!
Lady…
…and the Tramp…
Can you guys quit fighting…
…you’re making a mess out of your vertebrae.
Come on guys…
…lettuce talk about this.
To the delivery guy on the motorcycle…
…YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
To the guy that thinks he can sit in your assigned seat…
…R…EJECTED!
To the guy that thinks lightning will never strike twice…
…it struck you once.
It’s just a flesh wound…
…now quit nursing your wounds and get up…
Make sure you look both ways…
…before running into the bus.
Can you guys quit making so much racket…
…I’m trying to sleep on the escalator.
There you go. Now that you’ve seen how much of a mess that other people can create, you can get back to the huge mess that you call your life. Grab a broom because on Saturday morning, someone is going to metaphorically call, “Clean up on Aisle your mess of a life!” and I will be busy laying on the couch with my leftover pizza, so you are going to have to clean it up yourself.
Bitter Aisle not clean up after you Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
searingly seari ously: i was crying watchin’ this.
accompanied by the ¿sweet? sound of those deadlines rushing by
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There are some real gems in there. Those are my least efforted, yet most funny commented posts.
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Hahaha, that fighter-dude! :’) Brilliant! And the guy on the escalator, too! My mum just saw it and said: “well, I’d stay down, too. Might as well. You’re going up anyway, doesn’t matter in what position now, does it?” :’)
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I think it’s pretty funny that you mum was reading it. It’s a proud day when it gets shared with other family members!
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Dog attacks lettuce. There’s something wrong with this picture. But if lettuce attacks dog, we should all be frightened. Very…very…frightened
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That would be a little frightening, but I’ve seen it happen in one of my son’s favorite video games, Plants vs. Zombies. A huge stalk of corn taking down a zombified dog.
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This is a hilarious post… I loved the gifs but now I hope that there isn’t someone at my work complaining about virtually cleaning up after me T___T
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Oh yeah, there is one of me in every company. Just be careful because they are almost always bitter and probably posting about you right now.
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My friend works at a nursing home and clean up is part of the job–“Code Brown, Room 48A.” (Yep, a Code Brown is exactly what it sounds like.) Her husband works for the county road crew so he often handles roadkill calls like “We’ve got a porcupine carcass clean-up on Route 68 at mile marker 72.” I don’t know how they talk about their day at dinner without ruining each other’s appetites. Loved the clip of the guy bumping into the bus, btw. I watched it, like, a dozen times in a row, and laughed so hard I snorted. Keep up the bitterly good work!
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Well, I should be credited for that good work. I sat at that corner for days and filmed and waited for people to run into buses just the right way so I could include it on this post. Thanks for recognizing my hard work!
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Ok, So here’s the deal, I have the burden of literally cleaning up after people and if I rebel and go on strike, do you know what happens? That shit just piles up and waits for me. Not to mention, it makes me miserable to live in a mess, both figuratively and literally. Sigh. . . I have surrendered to the idea that I have turned myself into a neurotic mess and yes, I am bitter about that. In conclusion, why isn’t that every time my car is cleaned a bird has to find it? Happy Friday – I am going home to clean my house this weekend! Yipee
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Ha Ha! So there is a little bitterness deep down there. You have all these people that make a mess in your life and no one helps to clean it! Have fun going home and cleaning it. I would help but my helping just makes things worse.
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yes, no one helps, aint that a bitch?
It really is all about balance 🙂
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It’s about time to start making them help? If they can make the mess, they can clean it up.
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And I thought I hated salad…
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I know. Salad is the worst. Though I don’t have the energy to attack it like that. I prefer to attack this I like, like pizza.
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So, does that mean you will not be helping me clean my apartment this weekend??
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It means that I WILL be cleaning your apartment, but in my own way, which essentially means I will be making a mess.
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I’m picturing the Cat in the Hat but when you take out the cleaning machines it only makes things worse and then when you take out the cleaning machine that’s supposed to fix the mess that the first cleaning machine made, it still makes it worse!
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That is who you should be picturing except in Bitter Person form instead of a cat. And instead of a cleaning machine you just see me roll in and lay on your couch and watch TV. And the couch better be comfortable!
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You sure are demanding for someone who isn’t even a cat!
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I’ve learned their ways of laziness.
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