Bitter Billionaire Ben

Not winning this (just kidding, I better.)

Not winning this (just kidding, I better.)

Since I probably won’t win that Powerball thingy because I’m not really a 1 in a billion odds kind of winner, I need to rethink the way I’m going to get the dollars in your pockets to mine.  I tried to build the world’s strongest vacuum that would suck the money directly from your wallets, but so few of you carry cash and store your money in vaults you call banks.  So it looks like I’m going to have to get you hand over your money voluntarily. Some Solomon guy said, “A fool and his money are soon parted” and I would have used that method, but I’m a bigger fool than the rest of you.

I decided to look at the business model of one the richest industries in the world right now.  You know, the ones that are vacuuming the most money from my wallet (besides the government. They are just the bullies taking every kids money.)


Let’s Oragami!

I’m talking video games.  They pretty much rule the world right now.  If you don’t believe me, look at how much money some of the best video games make compared to the best movies. Star Wars is set  US domestic weekend sales record of $250 million and right now stands at $815 million after 25 days.  Super impressive right? Well, take a video game called Grand Theft Auto 5 that came out in Sept 2013.  It made $800 million too.  In 24 hours.  Just in the U.S. Even more impressive than that, I have a game that I purchased in Sept 2011 that I played as recently as two days ago.  And I didn’t just spend $60 dollars on it either.  There is this thing that video games do that at first blew people’s minds that people would actually pay for.  To the people in the know, it’s called DLC.  It’s short for DownLoadable Content.

Behold, the magical Horse Armor.

Behold, the magical Horse Armor.

In fact, it was so ludicrous that the first offering that came out was a piece of horse armor and people laughed so hard, they were convinced no one would ever pay for it.  But they kept coming out with it and people started accepting it. Now, it is almost an essential part of a game.  When you buy a game, you can then buy a season pass, which allows you new levels or game maps, new gun skins(a way to customize how your gun looks), new characters or avatars and a number of other things.  If you play a game online, it is almost essential you get all of it, or you can’t compete.

And don’t think it has affected almost everyone that even plays games on your phone, casually.  Ever played Candy Crush? Weren’t patient enough to wait for another diamond? You can pay actual money to get more diamonds or whatever.

So this is my key to being Bitter Billionaire Ben.  I let you read the beginning of the blog posts for free, but get you so hooked on the words I write, that you have to know how it all ends. And I let you read the end, but only if you pay like a billion dollars to finish.  Or $2.99.  I haven’t decided which.  So who wants to know how it all finis….

Insert $2.99 to see how this post ends…

33 thoughts on “Bitter Billionaire Ben

  1. Pingback: The Bitter Power of the Jinx | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I personally think that the vacuum idea is genius. Theoretically, you could suck all sorts of things into the vacuum and then ransom them back to the rightful owners. If you ever got in trouble, you could just say that you pressed the wrong button. Depending on how good this vacuum is, you could reproduce it and use it (rent it) for national security. Nuclear sub swimming somewhere? Not a problem!

    Okay, the plan needs some work, but you are on to something.


  3. Thanks for the offer at the incredibly fantastic price of only $2.99, but I know how the post ends.
    Something like…..AARRRGH, right?
    LOL. Love your posts!


    • But this time there might be something different. Could be a new car, or some valuable words, or it could be a grab bag of nothing. The element of surprise is making you very sleepy….you know want to just pay $2.99…


  4. Exactly one time in my life I entered a lottery. And won a granny Yokum doll-a foot high with a corncob pipe that lit up. Sorry, but I don’t really think I want to tempt fate by paying to see the end of your article. The rest was great anyway.


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