Let’s face it. The groundhog is famous for only two things. Every February they are known for disappointing millions of people by seeing their shadow or not seeing their shadow(whichever one it is, I don’t think anyone knows) and predicting that we have 6 more weeks of winter. Though if you want to be disappointed about that, just look at a freaking calendar, because it will tell you the same exact stupid thing. And if he does tell you that spring starts right now, then he is just as bad because he is giving you false hope and you are a sucker for believing in it.
The other thing they are famous for is creating a rip in the space time/continuum R for Bill Murray that causes him to relive the day over and over and over again. And let’s be honest. Ever since that movie, we think of Groundhog’s Day more for that principle of repeating things than we care about a groundhog predicting something.
You want to know what is the same year after year after year just like the Groundhog’s day is for Bill Murray? This blog. I bet if you went back to last year on this very same day on this very same blog you would get about the same material and same themes that you have received year after year. I would go back and look, but I’m too lazy. See what I mean? How many times have I said I was too lazy? Look back year after year and you will see the same thing with my birthday, Bitter Giftures on Fridays, Bitter Rivalrys of the Week and Bitter News from the Couch. If you’ve even read more than two posts on this blog, you’d notice that almost always the same things come up again and again. Pizza, couches, traffic, hating other people, laziness and bitterness.
You know what else is Groundhoggy this time of year? The politicians and the politics. I despise politics not only because it is just a bunch of idiots arguing, but because I don’t understand any of it. The only parts that I care about are the things they are doing that affect me personally. Like for instance if they are taking more of my money away from me, then I vote to bring them down. And this year again, we are choosing between Stupid, Dumb and Dumber and quite frankly, I would rather vote for Dumb and Dumber (Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels). I almost think we need to hire some actors to pretend to run the country for a few years until we can come up with people that would make us think we weren’t in some sort of circus/freak show twilight zone thing. If any of you saw Pixels the movie with Adam Sandler as a guy that saves the world and Kevin James as an incompetent president, and me thinking he would be a better option as a president right now, tells you what kind of solid candidates we have.
The Super Bowl is happening yet again this year, to the disappointment of almost the whole world yet again. Here’s some predictions I will give you based on oh, I don’t know, the history of forever since the Super Bowl became the event of the year, every year. 31 teams fan bases will be sad because yet again their team didn’t win. Millions will be upset because the halftime show just wasn’t as spectacular as they were hoping. Commercial groupies (ones that only seems to come out during the Super Bowl) will be hyper critical of the offerings of commercials this year. And all those people that are there just for the food at your house will be yet again disappointed because the dip just wasn’t as spicy as it was last year. Half the people that bet on the Super Bowl will be disappointed because they lost their life savings on the game. And you will be disappointed because football will be gone forever until next week when they start talking about the draft.
Valentine’s Day, just like Groundhog’s Day, will be another day of disappointment. Single people will declare it to be Single Awareness Day(S.A.D.), couples will declare it, “we never go out anymore” day(W.N.G.O.A.), and dating couples will call it, “No Pressure But If We Aren’t Engaged Today Everyone Will Know We Aren’t Meant For Each Other Day (N.P.B.I.W.A.E.T.E.W.K.W.A.M.F.E.O.D.) Cards will be bought, chocolates will be sold out, flowers costs will quintuple and last minute husbands on the way home from work will invade the stores, looking rather like Groundhogs (or are they prairie dogs) sticking their heads up to see if there are any last minute flowers available.
Yes, there is nothing like Groundhogs Day to remind us that no matter how much we think things have changed, they always remain the same again and again and again….
Bitter Groundhog Day Ben
BTW, Happy Birthday Aunt Jo