We all have that quitting-the-job fantasy, especially on those bitter days when your job sucks so bad, you'd rather run across a desert of glass shards than work another hour, take another phone call, or listen to your boss bark another order at you. Hot Mess, as she likes to be called over at … Continue reading Guest Post-Hot Mess Memoir-How I Plan to Quit my Job
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Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
You know that show on ABC called Dancing with the Stars? It's a dance competition where minor celebrities get to actually work for a change and learn how to dance well while judges try to teach them how to improve. In the meantime, the rest of us are over here going, how dances to … Continue reading Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
Abendonment issues
Don't you hate it when everyone leaves you alone at home to play video games and take naps on the couch? Or when you are shopping at a store and none of the store clerks bother to come over and ask if there is anything in particular that you are looking for and if you … Continue reading Abendonment issues
Bitter Thank you’s
Sometimes I like to cry bitter tears because of the stupid books, movies and TV shows that actually get made or published. Like I could walk through a room and pull 15 ideas out of a hat that would be more intelligent. Any reality show on TLC or Fox sound like they were made by … Continue reading Bitter Thank you’s
We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
You know the feeling, whether it is when you are up for a raise or if your favorite team loses on a terrible call by the refs. Getting robbed is a way of life and it happens all the time, especially when you expect something to happen and you always want justice to prevail. … Continue reading We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
While chilling on my stay at home vacation yesterday, my kids prodded me into waking up from my three hour nap to go outside. Ugh, fine, I said. I did my best to pretend to be a good dad, so when they asked that I throw the Frisbee around, I grudgingly agreed, despite the bitterness … Continue reading A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
A Bitter Firmware Upgrade
We use these things everyday. We do our taxes with them, we do boring spreadsheets with them, we work on them and we play games on them. We commit fraud with them, hack into other peoples bank accounts with them. We steal identities, make bad art with them, write terrible blog posts on them, become … Continue reading A Bitter Firmware Upgrade
#ANALLHASTAGPOSTTOMAKEYOURMONDAYBITTER
#Ithinkthetitlesaysitallsoifyouwanttogetoffthetrainrightnowhereisyourchance #ifnotyoucancontinuetoreadthisridiculouspost #ifyouwerelookingforawaytomakeyourmondaymorningbitteryou'vecometotherightplace #whywouldIdosomethingsostupid? #firstofallmondaysaretheworstandyouneedapostthatmatchesthebitternessoftheday #secondwhydotheycallthemhashtagswhentheyarepoundsigns #thirdwhydopeoplethinkthesethingsaresoimportantonfacebookinstagramandtwitter #whydopeoplethinkthataddingasuperlonghashtagtoaphotowillgetthemmoreviews #maybeitsbecauseitworksifyouhavetherighthashtag #ormaybeifyourpicturesucksoryourtweetsucksoryoufacesucksitdoesn'tmatterwhatyourhashtagis #regardlesshashtagsseemprettyuselesstomeespeciallywhentheyarelongandboringliketheseonesare #theyaregimmickyexceptwhenthereisactuallysomethingbehindthehashtag #likeabignamewithsomefameoracontroversywithoutsomemercy #haveIannoyedyouenoughyetwiththisinsanelygratiatingandannoyinghashtagpost #orareyoureadyformore #forallyouknowimjustthrowinggobblydegookonthispostandmakingupsomestupidwords #ifyouhaven'tgottenbitterbynowyouareprobablyamillenialasocialmediaaddictorariddlesolvingbatmanorbatwoman #letshopethishasn'tgivensomeofyoudepressionanxietyorconiptions #ormadeyouwanttopunchyourcomputerorphonescreens #orcauseyoutohittheunfollowbuttonbecauseyou'vefinallyhadenoughofthis #butifithascausedyoutowanttopunchaholeintheuniverse #youarenotalone #hashtagsalsomakemewanttohitatweetintheface #soafteryoureadthisletusneverspeakofthisagain #andlet'sneverdohashtagsagainunlesstheystartmakingusmillionaires #orbecomesupergeniuses #orfindthemeaningoflife #whichistofindourinnerbitternessforourselves #andshareitwithotherpeople #sothattheworldwillbeamorebitterplace #perhapsthemostimportanthashtagyouwilltakeawayfromthispost #ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH #bitterhashtagben
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sitting vs. Standing
Laying down on the couch is what we all fight for. It's what we live and breathe for unless we are one of those weirdos who likes to live an active lifestyle or who craves being exhausted all the time. No matter what you do in life, admit that you do it all because deep … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sitting vs. Standing
Juxta positioning Bitter Friday Giftures
Positioning is everything. Whether it is what position you are in line for a concert, what position you are in during a basketball game, what position you hold in a company, or position you are in traffic. The way your day goes, could be solely based on what position you sit in the company. … Continue reading Juxta positioning Bitter Friday Giftures
The Enemy Zone
I may never have been in jail, but that doesn't mean I have never been in prison. And while in prison everyone needs to learn how to fight. But before we discuss the fighting, let's first talk about how we get in prison. Everyone has been there before. We are happily dwelling in this zone. … Continue reading The Enemy Zone
Fight the Power Friday Giftures
I've always fancied myself to be a bit of a rebel. Not an outward rebel that fights against society or wears hipster clothes, but a subtle shake of the fist in the air when other people aren't looking. Like when someone tells me I shouldn't eat pizza every Friday, or that we should love … Continue reading Fight the Power Friday Giftures
Bitter Office Scavenger Hunt
You know how when you are at the office and you are playing work Dodgeball by trying to avoid co-workers at all costs? But the moment you need them they are not around? Probably because you avoid them at all costs and they don't want to be around you, but that's besides the point? Well, … Continue reading Bitter Office Scavenger Hunt
Mister Matched Presents the Troglodyte’s Victor Secret’s Bitter Carpet Show
They say that clothes make the man. Yeah, they make the man bitter. I guess I understand the need to wear them, but why does it have to be so complicated? Why did someone way back in the day make it necessary to have rules of fashion? Like things are supposed to match. Certain colors … Continue reading Mister Matched Presents the Troglodyte’s Victor Secret’s Bitter Carpet Show
An ode to my Mother
You know how today is Mother's Day? And you know how you are supposed to shower not only so you don't smell and she doesn't faint from your odor, but also shower her with gifts and compliments and praise today and then take her for granted the rest of the year? Well, I'm not gonna … Continue reading An ode to my Mother
Sitting Down on the Friday Giftures
Not all the time, but sometimes when I'm coming up with ideas for the subject of my Friday Giftures, I ask my son to give me a word, any word. He will throw out some obvious ones, like bitter or whatever book he is reading at the time, and I deny him several times until … Continue reading Sitting Down on the Friday Giftures
Wake up WordPressians!
I hate to say it, but I actually don't really. I think I need to get some of those resuscitation paddles and yell, "Clear"! I don't know if I need to pump you full of some adrenaline, or lace your caffeine with more caffeine, or shine a bright light in your face, or get a … Continue reading Wake up WordPressians!
Walking the Bitter Plank
I get most of my information about the world either from the Today show(but only at 8 am - 8:20 am during my morning break), Twitter, my wife's Facebook, (I don't get much from mine, because lack of Facebook friends, or ones that spread gossip like butter on bitter.) or sports talk radio. If … Continue reading Walking the Bitter Plank
2 Legit 2 Legit 2 Legit to Gif…tures, Friday Bitter Giftures
MC Hammer rose to fame 26 years ago with his album "Please Hammer Don't Hurt Em". Of course, he eventually did hurt us all when we found out that he bought a $30 million dollar home, paid some 40 employees way too much money for, and went bankrupt. But did MC Hammer, who had … Continue reading 2 Legit 2 Legit 2 Legit to Gif…tures, Friday Bitter Giftures
Dodgeball: A Bitter Underdog Story
"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." - Patches O' Houlihan "Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade, Laser...Blazer." - White Goodman "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood." - White Goodman If you don't know these names or quotes, you are missing out on one of the … Continue reading Dodgeball: A Bitter Underdog Story
Ben's Bitter Blog 