Laying down on the couch is what we all fight for. It’s what we live and breathe for unless we are one of those weirdos who likes to live an active lifestyle or who craves being exhausted all the time. No matter what you do in life, admit that you do it all because deep down, in the back of your mind you are craving that moment at the end of the day, where the brown leather couch, with its comfortable cushions welcome you home. It will greet you with its soft voice. “Yes, you’re finally home. You finally came. I’ve been waiting for you all day. Take a load off and grab some remotes, because you are home.”
Unfortunately, you can’t sit/lay/lounge there all day. People aren’t as welcoming as Oscar the Couch. They need you to do stuff for them. So you do, but only because you know that Oscar the Couch will be there for you at the end of the day.
So what are you doing when you are not in your Couchy Place? Probably one of two things unless you work at one of the places that allows naps (and if you work in of one of those places, let them know you have a solid lead on a dependable naptaker ready for a career change.) You are probably either sitting or standing. These two bitter rivals constantly fight for your time in the office space. So which fiercely different rival do you root for?
Sitting – According to science or the Today show sitting is the new serial killer…they say as they are sitting down in their science chairs or their Today show host chairs hypocritically delivering us the news. And I don’t see them dying them moment they sit down. I’m sorry but the evidence just doesn’t seem play out. And I’ve been sitting for 43 years now, and as far as I can tell, I’m not writing to you as a ghost. And for some reason ghosts are always haunting me STANDING UP or floating, not sitting down. So I think quite the opposite is true. I think most people that are dead are because they are standing. Just saying.
Standing – So let’s say you are an advocate of standing and all the health benefits you get from standing. You run marathons for fun, you get a standing desk at work so you can jog in place while typing. You stand in lines at grocery stores and wait in lines for sold out products. You stand the whole time for concerts. You do standing ovations for even the most boring of lectures. You stand for something because it’s better than falling for anything. Good for you standing president. But if you love it so much, do it for 24 hours. Just one 24 hour period. I dare you. Can’t do it? Okay, how about 20? 18? How about 8 straight hours? Getting a little weary. Legs starting to lock up? Getting bored supporting yourself on just two legs? Take a seat bro or sister. It’s just one sit. If you love standing so much why don’t you marry it? If you love it so much do everything standing up. Sleep, watch TV, go to meetings standing up. Show the world how dedicated you are to standing. Do a stand up comedy act, even though you are terribly unfunny and are afraid of crowds. Stand up in your car and see if that doesn’t get cops and fellow commuters looking at you like you’ve lost your mind. Because you do everything standing.
So what are you? Are you a Stand-ard person, or are you a Sitting President? Are you Stand up citizen or are you Sitting pretty? Are Standing up to oppression or Sitting by the Dock of the Bay wasting time? Are a Stand up comedian or a Baby Sitter? Are a Standing leg curl or a Sit up?
Let me know if the comments.
Bitter Standard Sitter Ben