I get most of my information about the world either from the Today show(but only at 8 am – 8:20 am during my morning break), Twitter, my wife’s Facebook, (I don’t get much from mine, because lack of Facebook friends, or ones that spread gossip like butter on bitter.) or sports talk radio. If real breaking news doesn’t happen during those precise times, on those precise platforms, I have no idea what is happening in the world until I get home.
And as far as all those murders that happen, well, I might find out 40 days later when they are on Nightline. I’m like that murder happened next door? When was that on the news? And she’s like, every day for like a month. And I’m like, so what happened? It’s probably a good thing you come here for bitter, because if you come here for current events, well I stopped delivering that in 8th grade when we were required to pretend to care about the world around us and cut something out of the paper that sounded important.
So, I was watching the Today last week and they had that guy from the Biggest Loser on the show. By the way, The Biggest Loser is a not a great name to call your show (brings back memories of junior high). Wouldn’t a better name have been The Amazing Weight Loss Race, or something better? Anyway, they asked the Biggest Loser guy if you only have time to do one thing during the day for exercise, what is the one thing you would do? He said planking. I kind of laughed because I thought planking was kind of a dead trend from 4 or 5 years ago and honestly a little dangerous, especially with Dwight Shrute around.
Regardless, I wasn’t doing it in the office and Dwight wasn’t around, so I decided to try it. And honestly, I’m not sure why people think it is so hard. I mean, I’ve essentially been doing it on the couch for hours at a time every day. All I have to do if flip over, and I’m doing it. I figure if I just keep doing what I’m doing I should lose 100 pounds by the end of the year. Which probably isn’t good, because that would be way below the target weight of a male in my height category. So, to counteract all the weight loss from planking I will add in a lot more pizza into the mix. It’s a lose-win situation for everyone (and by everyone, I mean me.)
So maybe when I start losing all this weight, I will start sending pictures. But you probably won’t recognize me (except for the visual clue of me stuffing my face with pizza.) Plank on, bitter people.
ARRRRGGGGHHHHH gotta go do more planking.
Bitter Planker Ben