Admit it. When you were bullied as a kid, you saw Karate Kid and immediately asked your mom if you could sign up for karate. She said no, but you were determined to learn so you went upstairs, and put on a white lab coat, found your mom's black neckerchief and tied it around you … Continue reading Bitter Bullied Ben
Fiction
My Bitter Fetch Quest
Everyone has a place where they go to escape the bitterness of everyday life. Some people like to go shopping, some are really good at taking a naps (obviously, duh) and other people like to spend time in the great outdoors(I still haven't figured out what is so Great about them). My escape is … Continue reading My Bitter Fetch Quest
Hey Mom, Thanks a lot
Hey Mom, thanks a lot for enduring all that bitter pain for 9 months, just so you would have to endure even more pain for another 42 years(and counting). You'd think that you could at least muster up a grimace, a mean word or even a bitter thought about me. How is a guy … Continue reading Hey Mom, Thanks a lot
Kicking and Screaming
This morning I kicked a wooden step stool, because I haven't perfected my night vision. I came kicking and screaming into the world because I was cold and because my legs weren't working right yet. There is a app named KIK, which is a messenger tool. So basically it helps you get in touch with … Continue reading Kicking and Screaming
Bitter Ben for Prez
At first glance you may not think of me as a serious candidate for President, and you would be totally right. But right now it is trending to run for President on Twitter, so I can't not at least look at the idea right? So last night while swimming with sharks, I considered it. Sure, … Continue reading Bitter Ben for Prez
Bitter Old Man
I just turned 42 last month. Talking about being in your fourties, I think Louis CK said it best. Of course, I'm paraphrasing here: When you are 40(42 is in the same yacht) you're old. You're half dead. But you're not old enough for anyone to give a crap that you're old. Nobody spends their … Continue reading Bitter Old Man
The Bitter Shark Tank Experience
DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DEEEEE First in the Shark Tank today is Blogger Bitter Ben, who is a full-time blogger that is looking to become a rich and lazy entrepreneur. Bitter Ben: Hi, Sharks. My name is Bitter Ben and I'm asking for $1,000,000 for 5% of my company. Sharks, I was looking … Continue reading The Bitter Shark Tank Experience
10 Points from Gifendor
What's up, filthy Muggles? Professor Snape here. Actually you could call me Head Master Snape. I'm guest posting for Bitter Ben on the Friday Giftures this week. Just to keep you up to date on my life, I'm running things at the Hogwarts College of Witchcraft and Wizard Laundry. (Spoiler warning) I know you think … Continue reading 10 Points from Gifendor
Gimme a Break Bitterness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5GXUs_-YTg Everyone needs a break sometimes. Usually on Tuesdays, which is the worst day of the week by far, (don't believe me? Check this post.) my kids and I usually go swimming. It gives me a chance to rest my deteriorating back, ignore people talking to me(just a quick dive underwater) and allows me to … Continue reading Gimme a Break Bitterness
The Bitter Worldwide Shortage
Hey everyone. Gather around. Pull up your computers, grab some soda, a pizza and some napkins, because we need to have a conference. This nation, neh even this very world is on the verge of a worldwide crisis. Seeing as how Earth day just happened and, whoops I forgot to preserve a tree, I thought … Continue reading The Bitter Worldwide Shortage
Hot Mess Friday Giftures
It's been a Beastie Boy kind of week. I've been sabotaged all the way up one side and down the other. My car dashboard kept lighting up on my way to work and of course I did what you always do when you get a light. I ignored it. On Thursday, I finally asked someone … Continue reading Hot Mess Friday Giftures
The Bitter Trolls living under the internet come up to the Surface
I am a huge fan of Community. Not the people in my community, or going to community events or community gatherings. That requires people skills and being a grown up, both skills which I choose not to have. I'm talking about the former NBC show that was so highly rated that it became a … Continue reading The Bitter Trolls living under the internet come up to the Surface
The bitterest evil yet – the onion
On Friday, I went out to Jimmy John's to 1) Get a submarine sandwich, 2) To see if they were as fast in real life as they were in the commercials and C) to not have an onion in my sandwich. My long time friends and family know that I so much can't stand onions … Continue reading The bitterest evil yet – the onion
The Unfortune 500
A long time ago, in a blog post galaxy not so far away, these posts had a dream. When they were just tiny little blog posts laying in their preview post cribs, looking up at their much older posted parents, they looked at their mobile filled with big words like superstar, Great Post! and This … Continue reading The Unfortune 500
Let’s Blow this Pop Stand
Let's make like a tree and get out of here. Speaking of trees and getting out of here, did you know I'm neighbors with this guy named Biff Tannen? He was telling me about the McFly family and how they have some weird old Deloreon car from the 80's, that has a blender that always … Continue reading Let’s Blow this Pop Stand
A Bitter A noun cement for Bacon
A little while ago, a Super group similar to the Avengers or the Justice League formed, called the Funny Blog Friday group, with the purpose of making Friday Funny. I was asked to join that group, because all groups need a bitter member. Every Justice League needs their Aquaman(you know the one whose superpower is … Continue reading A Bitter A noun cement for Bacon
My Bitter Rivalry with Minnie Mouse
Ever since I was a little child, I've always had a deep down bitterness for all things Disney. Fact: The main character of the Disney empire is a mouse. You know, those verminous creatures that eat all your food, poop all over your pantry, and spread all kinds of disease like the black plague? When … Continue reading My Bitter Rivalry with Minnie Mouse
Being a Child Prodigy at Driving is a Bitter Curse
I don't mean to brag (yeah I do) but, I am an awesome driver. Not Nascar/stunt driver type, but the kind that is able to navigate traffic like a freaking boss. (Just so you know, bosses like to yell at their inferiors.) I'm such a good driver, in fact that I can do multiple … Continue reading Being a Child Prodigy at Driving is a Bitter Curse
Overkill Friday Giftures
Ever have one of those weeks where there has been so many things going on that your head is going to explode? I had to go to work ALL 5 days, I had to get off the couch at home like 3 times, and one time I actually had to leave the house. I had … Continue reading Overkill Friday Giftures
I’m not going to post anything today
I know I usually post every Friday with some of your favorite giftures stolen from the web, but yesterday was a whirlwind of insanity called my birthday, and it was a lot more interaction than I'm used to. Every year, for one day, I become the most popular kid in school for a day, just … Continue reading I’m not going to post anything today
Ben's Bitter Blog 