A long time ago, in a blog post galaxy not so far away, these posts had a dream. When they were just tiny little blog posts laying in their preview post cribs, looking up at their much older posted parents, they looked at their mobile filled with big words like superstar, Great Post! and This Post Changed my Life! Their post parents hoped and dreamed for them to be a post in a famous blog someday. They worked with them on their blog homework, got them involved in all kinds of extra curricular blog activities, even got them involved in sports so they might make it as an ESPN blog post someday.
They went to Harvard Law Blog School, and even got to the top of Blog class. And then something snapped. And crackled. And popped. They decided that they just couldn’t take the pressure anymore. They started resenting their blog parents for pushing and pushing them into being a great blog post. They started resenting all the stupid things they were forced into doing. They were bitter about traffic, or school, or trees or even all the times in sports when they lost by one point. They resented their parents because they didn’t want to be in a law blog, but in a humor blog, and they missed out on all those times when their friend wanted to go to an amusement park blog, and they had to stay home and work on their homework blog.
So they quit the Harvard Law blog and rebelled against their parents. They looked for a place they could go where they could show all their resentment towards their parents. And they they saw it. Ben’s Bitter Blog. They read the about page, and they knew. This was the place they could go to spite their parents. There are hundreds of blog posts out there with stories just like this. Actually there are exactly 500 of them. 500 blog posts that just couldn’t take the pressure of their blog lives, that just couldn’t take the lives of their famous parent blogs, or their helicopter parent blogs, or their just a little too happy lives blogs.
These are the 500(so far) blog posts I call the Unfortunate 500. As of today, there have been 500 Unfortunate Bitter Blog posts. Today we celebrate the Bitter Unfortunate 500. We hope that there are more unfortunate blog posts out there that will rebel against their blog parents and be a part of the next 500 bitter posts. We are a place for them to come to show all their pent up bitterness. Come and join the Bitter Crowd, blog posts. Show your blog parents that you aren’t gonna take it anymore.
Shout it out! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH
500 Bitter Posts Ben