Hey everyone. Gather around. Pull up your computers, grab some soda, a pizza and some napkins, because we need to have a conference. This nation, neh even this very world is on the verge of a worldwide crisis. Seeing as how Earth day just happened and, whoops I forgot to preserve a tree, I thought I would sit us down for an important matter that needs to be resolved soon, or our kids, our grandkids and even our great grandkids will suffer unimaginably if we don’t do something soon. Everyone, something we all depend on more and more everyday is diminishing. There is a huge demand, and a very dwindling supply. The kids are glued to their screens (phones, tablets, laptops, and those dinosaur things called desktop computers) and because of this, there has been nothing short of a worldwide disastrophy. There is a drought of Gifs.
Actually funny, non overused gifs are dwindling at a massive rate. Bloggers everywhere are stuck reducing, reusing and recycling the same old gifs. We cannot, should not, will not, put up with this anymore. We must let the old gifs age gracefully in the gif nursing facilities, while other new gifs are born, and can develop naturally into the awkward teen stage so they can be showcased. But there are so few new ones being developed every day. Every week, I have need of at least 20 tragic, yet funny for me new gifs and it is becoming increasingly hard to find new ones to breathe life into the gif community. New gifs need your help.
For only the cost of a cup of coffee, the baristas that make it, and the Starbucks store that houses that coffee, and all its employees, per day, you could sponsor a new gif being created. If you send us(me) the $100,000 per month, we will send you the picture of a suffering blogger, sitting on their MacBook Pros, frustrated, raging at the ceiling, because they couldn’t come up with the perfect gif to perfectly portray the 100-300 word post they will send out to the internet, to be avoided. You will see the pain in their eyes, angst in their souls, and then pure, unadulterated meh as they receive the new gif that you sponsored.
We’ll also send you a video of how the short 1-5 second video was made. An HD camera will follow around an HD camera following people around, hoping for unfortunate accidents to happen. It will find natural, wild, raw, and real gifs of people unaware that they are being filmed. It will bring bitterness to all; the film crew for being unpaid, the unsuspecting victims for being filmed and also unpaid, and the blogger, who got the perfect gif, but just a little too late for the perfect post.
Please, there are many out there that are suffering. Please donate now, before the internet and bloggers die…of boredom.
To donate, please send all contributions to me and I will reluctantly take on the responsibility of getting the money to the right place.
Bitter Shortage Ben