The Bitter Worldwide Shortage

Hey everyone.  Gather around.

Hey everyone. Gather around.

Hey everyone.  Gather around.  Pull up your computers, grab some soda, a pizza and some napkins, because we need to have a conference.  This nation, neh even this very world is on the verge of a worldwide crisis.  Seeing as how Earth day just happened and, whoops I forgot to preserve a tree, I thought I would sit us down for an important matter that needs to be resolved soon, or our kids, our grandkids and even our great grandkids will suffer unimaginably if we don’t do something soon.  Everyone, something we all depend on more and more everyday is diminishing.  There is a huge demand, and a very dwindling supply.  The kids are glued to their screens (phones, tablets, laptops, and those dinosaur things called desktop computers) and because of this, there has been nothing short of a worldwide disastrophy.  There is a drought of Gifs.

Actually funny, non overused gifs are dwindling at a massive rate.  Bloggers everywhere are stuck reducing, reusing and recycling the same old gifs.  We cannot, should not, will not, put up with this anymore.  We must let the old gifs age gracefully in the gif nursing facilities, while other new gifs are born, and can develop naturally into the awkward teen stage so they can be showcased.  But there are so few new ones being developed every day.  Every week, I have need of at least 20 tragic, yet funny for me new gifs and it is becoming increasingly hard to find new ones to breathe life into the gif community.  New gifs need your help.

For only the cost of a cup of coffee, the baristas that make it, and the Starbucks store that houses that coffee, and all its employees, per day, you could sponsor a new gif being created.  If you send us(me) the $100,000 per month, we will send you the picture of a suffering blogger, sitting on their MacBook Pros, frustrated, raging at the ceiling, because they couldn’t come up with the perfect gif to perfectly portray the 100-300 word post they will send out to the internet, to be avoided.  You will see the pain in their eyes, angst in their souls, and then pure, unadulterated meh as they receive the new gif that you sponsored.

Look at the frustration of the blogger.  I was unable to find a gif of this poor blogger.

Look at the frustration of the blogger. I was unable to find a gif of this poor blogger.

We’ll also send you a video of how the short 1-5 second video was made.  An HD camera will follow around an HD camera following people around, hoping for unfortunate accidents to happen.  It will find natural, wild, raw, and real gifs of people unaware that they are being filmed.  It will bring bitterness to all; the film crew for being unpaid, the unsuspecting victims for being filmed and also unpaid, and the blogger, who got the perfect gif, but just a little too late for the perfect post.

Please, there are many out there that are suffering.  Please donate now, before the internet and bloggers die…of boredom.

To donate, please send all contributions to me and I will reluctantly take on the responsibility of getting the money to the right place.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Shortage Ben

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49 thoughts on “The Bitter Worldwide Shortage

  1. Pingback: 10 Points from Gifendor | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I am so glad that you bravely brought this to the table; it’s been the elephant in the room for years now. I totally support your efforts and will do everything I can to further the cause. Except send money. I did that once with a certain porn site that promised freshly explicit material, only to discover that I had already seen everyone on that site, inserting things in the exact same lackluster manner. There wasn’t an original GIF as far as the eye could see. I was devastated, and I quickly developed a psychological aberration that does not allow me to spend money when it comes to GIFs. Other than that, I’m right there with you in your endeavor. Go Ben! #benrawks #GIFRebirthProject #GRP #donate #exceptme

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  3. The Gif crisis is real. I’ve done my part. I’ve “Liked” your blog. And I’m willing to go the extra mile and if it’s ever mentioned on Facebook I’m going to “Like” that to. Call me an activist, but I can stand idly by when disaster strikes.

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  4. You know that shortage of GIFs is all due to me. Because I despise them so much I have single handedly taken it upon myself to eliminate all GIFs in a dastardly plan so evil, I can not evil reveal it in my comments.

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