Gimme a Break Bitterness

Everyone needs a break sometimes.  Usually on Tuesdays, which is the worst day of the week by far, (don’t believe me? Check this post.) my kids and I usually go swimming.  It gives me a chance to rest my deteriorating back, ignore people talking to me(just a quick dive underwater) and allows me to think and recharge.  And by think and recharge, I mean think about all the things that make me bitter and recharge people with a metaphorical bolt of lightning.

So yesterday, you didn’t notice, but I took a break from the internet.  Actually, while that is true, I actually gave the internet a break from me.  Almost every single day, I am assaulting the internet with all kinds of content.  Between blog posts almost every other day, answering comments with nonsensical answers, placing completely asinine comments on other peoples blogs, instagram posts of things that I know are funny, but no one else does, spewing out character assassinations in 140 characters or less on Twitter, ignoring all 200 of my fake friends on Facebook, and making YouTube videos at least once a decade, the internet rarely receives more than a 20 minute break from me on any particular day.

But yesterday, comments on other people’s post were constantly being interrupted by these people at my desk at work asking me to do things.  Every time I thought of another astutely horrible thing to say on Twitter, an email popped up and kept staying there on my screen demanding that I answer or it wouldn’t leave.  Even Instagram was a victim of a ringing phone that just wouldn’t shut up until I answered it.  I guess some places demand that you do work in exchange for all this money, medical benefits and 401k matching.  The nerve of some jobs to require you to do things.

So, there you have it internet.  Not only did I not break you, like Kim Kardashian keeps “threatening” to do, but I gave you a break.  While you had to deal with other trolls and people of interest that weren’t really that interesting, I was kind enough to allow you a break from the bitterness for one day. You could have predicted that I was taking a break from you, Internet, because you are so smart (I mean, just Google yourself internet, you know everything according Wikipedia).  You probably should have booked yourself on a vacation (there’s that website you have called Expedia and this creepy spokesguy keeps trying to sell you about Trivago).  But you blew it, Internet.  You were too busy watching YouTube videos with cats, or surfing the web in Hawaii, or trolling it up on all kinds of forums to notice.  But now, I’m back and I’m bitter with a vengeance.  I will be in your face all the rest of the day.

Yeah, this Trivago guy.

Yeah, this Trivago guy.

So enjoy your Kit Kat bar moment, because I’m ready to bitter.  Or at least until these stupid people quit botherin…Whoops gotta go.

This isn’t over internet. I’ll be Back.

Yeah, what Arnold said.

Yeah, what Arnold said.


Bitter Broken Ben


35 thoughts on “Gimme a Break Bitterness

  1. The internet contacted me. It was looking for you. Like a real friend…I told it to get lost.
    It’ll be happy you’re back [as am I]…Everyone needs bitterness every 20 minutes.


  2. My favorite trolls are the ones from the American Superiority Society, ASS for short, talking about how they would have done everything right. Man, they make me bitter.


  3. Thank you for bringing the bitterness back. Also? Thank you for hating the Trivago guy with me. Seriously… WHAT IS UP WITH HIM?!


  4. Now if only we could get the overly happy consistently positive people of the internet to follow your lead and lay off the incessant joy for one day, there’d be balance out there in the www. Good start. Thank you.


  5. We all need an internet break once a while to refresh. Then we feel empty without our eyes glued to a glowing screen giving us vision problems and come crawling back. It’s a vicious, bitter cycle.


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