Kicking and Screaming

This morning I kicked a wooden step stool, because I haven’t perfected my night vision.  I came kicking and screaming into the world because I was cold and because my legs weren’t working right yet.  There is a app named KIK, which is a messenger tool.  So basically it helps you get in touch with other people by text.  Unfortunately, there is another app that is already on your phone and you are already using, called texting, so yes that is useful.  Judo, and Karate using kicking, but you aren’t supposed to use it unless you are being attacked or you are in a Mortal Kombat tournament.  Soccer only allows kicking.  The funny part about soccer is that some people get so skilled at kicking a ball around (see below)


but in a game you’re not even allowed to use it to score a goal (because no one ever scores a goal in a soccer game). People use the work kicking to tell people to get out. Like that time I went to visit my alma mater the summer after my graduation, and got banned for life for pulling my pants down at a dance (even though I had shorts on underneath).  Some people and their rules.

Like this “professional” soccer player…

...who only had one job.

…who only had one job.

Or this hockey player…

...who got kicked, but couldn't stick.

…who got kicked, but couldn’t stick.


Or this professional slider, who…


…started off good, but couldn’t kick it at the end. 


Or this professional hugger who found…


…an entertaining way(for us) to get kicked out of the game.


Or Erin Andrews who found a way…


…to get her kicks on a cold day.


Or this other hockey player…


…finding a way to kick off his first concussion. 


Or the universes way of…


…kicking this guy to the curb.



And this guy pulling a Paul Blart…


…before Paul Blart even did it.


These guys not wearing their seatbelts…

These guys

…when the space ship is moving almost got kicked. 



This girl kicked off the summer…


…by taking a quick dip. 


In what is now my all time favorite gif….


…in which I couldn’t stop getting a kick of yesterday.




Remember that one time I did those gifs…


…and you used to get a kick out of them? 


I’m going to go kick off my Friday, by not doing some work and then later, I think I’m going to ignore work, and then in the afternoon, I’m just going to leave work. As the Beastie Boys once said, “Kick it!” So, any plans for you today?


Bitter Kicker Ben



41 thoughts on “Kicking and Screaming

  1. When I try to kick a ball it looks like the “professional’s” attempt. It is cold here this morning (early winter setting in) your gifs making me feel even colder as I wrap my duvet tighter around me. The first gif took a really long time to load but worth scrolling back up for again. Great painful selection, as usual.


  2. I was kickin it at work today when my favorite daughter surprised me with balloons and chocolate covered strawberries. Nope, no bitterness over this way THIS time. ; )


  3. Re: “This morning I kicked a wooden step stool,”

    Oh, I though you were going to go on about how you were sick of that beach bully that took your girlfriend and how you were finally going to take that “Charles Atlas” course.


  4. You get 1 million bitter bonus points for using the video of Erin Andrews…because the Packers are playing. I am working on my day off, doing laundry, vacuuming, shopping, etc. I plan to have a bitter beer later to celebrate my efforts.


  5. I seem to remember something about you getting kicked by a ten year old on a playground. You know, I started reading this in my car on my iPhone and the gifs weren’t giffing. So much better!


  6. It’s funny, one of my co-workers was just asking me why he was getting a phone call via the messenger app and not just a regular phone call. Not sure I grasp that either. I once used a messaging app to talk to someone who was out of the country which made sense, but not sure what the point is outside of that. Also…beastie boys rock. So yeah.


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