I'm not from Arizona or the south where the temperatures are apparently slightly higher than the sun's core, and I'm not from DC or California where the traffic is slower than the parking lot at Walmart on Black Friday, but I am from Seattle where the sun doesn't shine(where people keep telling me to go) … Continue reading A Three Hour Tour
Fiction
The Bitter Power of Editing
I was talking to my writer's group the other day and told them I could not make it to the group this week because I was too lazy and wanted to sleep in on Saturday. They totally would have believed me if I actually did say that, but unfortunately, that isn't what I really told … Continue reading The Bitter Power of Editing
Bendiana Jones and the Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness
The Bendiana Jones bitterventures continue in the third installment of the franchise in Bendiana Jones and The Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness. It all starts in a typically boring day in Bitter Bendiana's life as he prepares for a vacation in late May. As he ties up the last of the loose ends at work, … Continue reading Bendiana Jones and the Crystal Geyser of Forgetfulness
Mowing down the Friday Giftures
A blade of grass. Swaying back and forth in the rhythm of the summer night's warm breeze. Not a care in the world as it feels the purple sunset's warmth cascade down its back. Thoughts of summer's past. Soft music hangs in the air, in concert with crickets chirping. The blade feels peace, serenity. … Continue reading Mowing down the Friday Giftures
Becoming Bitterly Famous
I've always wanted to be famous. Since at least 2012. That's why I created this blog. I want my face on every billboard, my name in lights on broadway, on every credit in every television show, my name in every movie's IMDB. I want to be so famous that you won't even be able to … Continue reading Becoming Bitterly Famous
Bitter Combo’s
I've played video games my whole life. Sure the graphics were kind of cloudy in the beginning, but that's because my bitter vision hadn't quite developed as well as my lungs did that first day. I remember doing a lot of screaming that day, but it was mostly because I couldn't even get past the first … Continue reading Bitter Combo’s
Santa Clause was at to our Garage Sale
"He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been good or bitter, so be bitter for goodness sake." - Bitter Ben stealing lyrics from a beloved child's song and exploiting it for his Blog's sake. It was 85 degrees and sunny yesterday, which never happens in Seattle … Continue reading Santa Clause was at to our Garage Sale
Guest Post-Hot Mess Memoir-How I Plan to Quit my Job
We all have that quitting-the-job fantasy, especially on those bitter days when your job sucks so bad, you'd rather run across a desert of glass shards than work another hour, take another phone call, or listen to your boss bark another order at you. Hot Mess, as she likes to be called over at … Continue reading Guest Post-Hot Mess Memoir-How I Plan to Quit my Job
Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
You know that show on ABC called Dancing with the Stars? It's a dance competition where minor celebrities get to actually work for a change and learn how to dance well while judges try to teach them how to improve. In the meantime, the rest of us are over here going, how dances to … Continue reading Dancing with the Subpars Friday Giftures
Abendonment issues
Don't you hate it when everyone leaves you alone at home to play video games and take naps on the couch? Or when you are shopping at a store and none of the store clerks bother to come over and ask if there is anything in particular that you are looking for and if you … Continue reading Abendonment issues
Bitter Thank you’s
Sometimes I like to cry bitter tears because of the stupid books, movies and TV shows that actually get made or published. Like I could walk through a room and pull 15 ideas out of a hat that would be more intelligent. Any reality show on TLC or Fox sound like they were made by … Continue reading Bitter Thank you’s
We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
You know the feeling, whether it is when you are up for a raise or if your favorite team loses on a terrible call by the refs. Getting robbed is a way of life and it happens all the time, especially when you expect something to happen and you always want justice to prevail. … Continue reading We got robbed Bitter Giftures of the week
A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
While chilling on my stay at home vacation yesterday, my kids prodded me into waking up from my three hour nap to go outside. Ugh, fine, I said. I did my best to pretend to be a good dad, so when they asked that I throw the Frisbee around, I grudgingly agreed, despite the bitterness … Continue reading A Bitter Journey Deep in the Forest
A Bitter Firmware Upgrade
We use these things everyday. We do our taxes with them, we do boring spreadsheets with them, we work on them and we play games on them. We commit fraud with them, hack into other peoples bank accounts with them. We steal identities, make bad art with them, write terrible blog posts on them, become … Continue reading A Bitter Firmware Upgrade
#ANALLHASTAGPOSTTOMAKEYOURMONDAYBITTER
#Ithinkthetitlesaysitallsoifyouwanttogetoffthetrainrightnowhereisyourchance #ifnotyoucancontinuetoreadthisridiculouspost #ifyouwerelookingforawaytomakeyourmondaymorningbitteryou'vecometotherightplace #whywouldIdosomethingsostupid? #firstofallmondaysaretheworstandyouneedapostthatmatchesthebitternessoftheday #secondwhydotheycallthemhashtagswhentheyarepoundsigns #thirdwhydopeoplethinkthesethingsaresoimportantonfacebookinstagramandtwitter #whydopeoplethinkthataddingasuperlonghashtagtoaphotowillgetthemmoreviews #maybeitsbecauseitworksifyouhavetherighthashtag #ormaybeifyourpicturesucksoryourtweetsucksoryoufacesucksitdoesn'tmatterwhatyourhashtagis #regardlesshashtagsseemprettyuselesstomeespeciallywhentheyarelongandboringliketheseonesare #theyaregimmickyexceptwhenthereisactuallysomethingbehindthehashtag #likeabignamewithsomefameoracontroversywithoutsomemercy #haveIannoyedyouenoughyetwiththisinsanelygratiatingandannoyinghashtagpost #orareyoureadyformore #forallyouknowimjustthrowinggobblydegookonthispostandmakingupsomestupidwords #ifyouhaven'tgottenbitterbynowyouareprobablyamillenialasocialmediaaddictorariddlesolvingbatmanorbatwoman #letshopethishasn'tgivensomeofyoudepressionanxietyorconiptions #ormadeyouwanttopunchyourcomputerorphonescreens #orcauseyoutohittheunfollowbuttonbecauseyou'vefinallyhadenoughofthis #butifithascausedyoutowanttopunchaholeintheuniverse #youarenotalone #hashtagsalsomakemewanttohitatweetintheface #soafteryoureadthisletusneverspeakofthisagain #andlet'sneverdohashtagsagainunlesstheystartmakingusmillionaires #orbecomesupergeniuses #orfindthemeaningoflife #whichistofindourinnerbitternessforourselves #andshareitwithotherpeople #sothattheworldwillbeamorebitterplace #perhapsthemostimportanthashtagyouwilltakeawayfromthispost #ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH #bitterhashtagben
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sitting vs. Standing
Laying down on the couch is what we all fight for. It's what we live and breathe for unless we are one of those weirdos who likes to live an active lifestyle or who craves being exhausted all the time. No matter what you do in life, admit that you do it all because deep … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sitting vs. Standing
Juxta positioning Bitter Friday Giftures
Positioning is everything. Whether it is what position you are in line for a concert, what position you are in during a basketball game, what position you hold in a company, or position you are in traffic. The way your day goes, could be solely based on what position you sit in the company. … Continue reading Juxta positioning Bitter Friday Giftures
Superpowers I would mess up
It's inevitable. Whether you like it or not, Superhero movies are here to stay and they aren't going anywhere. Once the comic book Titans figured out that the stories inside their nerdy pages could be made into less nerdy movies that make tons of nerdy money at the box office, the comic book train of … Continue reading Superpowers I would mess up
The Enemy Zone
I may never have been in jail, but that doesn't mean I have never been in prison. And while in prison everyone needs to learn how to fight. But before we discuss the fighting, let's first talk about how we get in prison. Everyone has been there before. We are happily dwelling in this zone. … Continue reading The Enemy Zone
The Bitterness of the Asterisk
You probably think you work hard because you work like 5 days a week and 8 hours a day. You are definitely right. That is way too much work. As I've spoken about before I think 3 1/2 days a week is enough. Why should work be done on more than 50% of our weeks. … Continue reading The Bitterness of the Asterisk
Ben's Bitter Blog 