Many of you probably didn't notice something above you, because it is so easy for people not to come to this actual website anymore. Most of my traffic isn't rando's that come from the internet, or people I actually know in real life from Facebook. Most of the people (or bots) come from WordPress. … Continue reading Bitter Banner
Fiction
Helicopter Bitter
You've heard of helicopters right? They are those things only used by traffic reporters, hospitals, rich people, and action movies. Maybe it is because they are smaller, but it seems like there are so few of them, especially compared to their big brother, the airplane. For sure airplanes have their own problems, with the crashing … Continue reading Helicopter Bitter
Beard Exclusivity Rights
In addition to opposable thumbs and brains that do high level coding, one of the other things that seperate (along with the ability to use spellcheck) us from the apes, is the fact that we shave. Ourselves. I guess apes try to shave themselves, but then they would have big bloody cuts all the … Continue reading Beard Exclusivity Rights
Driving Irresponsibly Friday Giftures
There was an accident yesterday on the freeway, which caused all kinds of backups. Unfortunately, I went a little too early, so I missed all the chaos and arrived on time. Why do these things always happen to me? Why can't I figure out just the wrong time to come, so I have an excuse … Continue reading Driving Irresponsibly Friday Giftures
Bitter Fancy Polish
Because lots of humans are visual creatures, it is pretty easy to trick them. For instance, I could wear a recently dry cleaned suit, a freshly ironed white shirt, perfectly creased pants, shiny polished shoes and really nice haircut and most people (IE you) would not be able to tell the difference between me … Continue reading Bitter Fancy Polish
Last second Bitterness
If you keep tabs on the NBA and, to a lesser extent, other sports, you know that they spend like 47 minutes out of the first 48 minutes chilling. Hanging out like they are laying on a hammock on the beach. They just can't seem to resist waiting until the game really matters, then finally … Continue reading Last second Bitterness
9000!!!! Followers Friday Giftures
Congratulations to the Darkest Fairytale, you just became the newest and bitterest member of the internet, IE you just became my 9000th WordPress follower. Do you know what this means? It means... It also means that we have to do at least 9000 gifs today for Friday Giftures. Ugh, it's going to be a … Continue reading 9000!!!! Followers Friday Giftures
Elevator Problems
The other day I was talking about Netflix and I mentioned Die Hard being one of my all time favorite movies. From the fact that it really is a Christmas movie, to the fact that I currently have Bruce Willis hair that he had in that movie, to the unbelievable amount of lines in … Continue reading Elevator Problems
Hey Netflix
Updated: New question at the end of the post. Hey Netflix, I heard your CEO or creator or whatever, started Netflix because he had a huge late fee from Blockbuster and didn't want to have to pay twice the amount of late fee's than what the movie would have cost. I don't either, but … Continue reading Hey Netflix
It’s Time to Pin This Week Down Giftures
If I was a wrestler, then I would probably wear a mask and be the Bitter Brawler or something like that. I just assume that people really wouldn't want to see what is under the mask. I pretty much wouldn't be a champion, and I certainly would be a villain, but definitely the least popular … Continue reading It’s Time to Pin This Week Down Giftures
Not So Smartphone
This last weekend, as in all weekends, it is my goal to not do things and lay on the couch as long as possible. This weekend, I epic failed. I was asked by some relatives to help them move. So I figured I would do that as fast as possible and then move...back to the … Continue reading Not So Smartphone
Bitter Baller Brand
Over the last 5 years of blogging, I've noticed a few disturbing trends. One of the big ones is that my audience (the ones that have been tricked into reading this crap) don't really share much in common with me. Most of my readers are female (which is a demographic I don't really understand) and … Continue reading Bitter Baller Brand
An Ode to A Mother on This Day
Hey Mom, I hear there is some sort of day that happens every year that is supposed to honor you. I forgot to give you a gift all those years and stuff, so I'm gonna do the least best thing. I'm going to resend out this post I did like 4 years ago, because you … Continue reading An Ode to A Mother on This Day
Doors open to Friday Giftures
A lot of people think of doors as a way to get into a better situation. Some people think of doors as a way to protect themselves from the outside world. But we know what they are really for. They are the introverts best friend. Not only do they keep the bad people out … Continue reading Doors open to Friday Giftures
The Bitter Edit Button
If you've had any chance to view my blog at all, you know part of the deal is all the errors. I am constantly misspelling wurds, making really terrible transitions, and making all kinds of false claims that can't be verified. It must be a constant annoyance all you bitter followers that are forced … Continue reading The Bitter Edit Button
Guest what I did?
I did work. I did work that I didn't get paid for. That's right. I did a guest post. On someone else's blog. Not on mine. So you're telling me that is how all guest posts work? Ugggh. Anyways, I just wanted to make it clear that I did something out of the bitterness of … Continue reading Guest what I did?
Back in the Swing of Friday Giftures
It's been a long time coming, but someone finally accepted this big ball of bitterness into their office. I will be starting to raise the bitterness quotient dramatically into a new company starting on Monday. I will now have something new to complain about. That's right. I got a job. What is quite ironic is … Continue reading Back in the Swing of Friday Giftures
Flipping the Switch Friday Giftures
A lot of people have this insane ability to be able to flip a switch and be able to turn into beast mode(the Hulk has this ability literally). For a lot of people, the magical elixir is called coffee. Some people can do it in their basketball careers. These professional basketball players have the … Continue reading Flipping the Switch Friday Giftures
My Job Proposal
Hey people, as you know I am in the epic struggle known as trying to find a job. Since no company seems to want to hire me (can't understand why there is not a huge bidding war for a bitter office guy), I've decided that I need to start making up jobs and then … Continue reading My Job Proposal
Glitches
One of my favorite movies is Wreck-It Ralph. The reason why I love it is because it is essentially my life story. Not because I'm not the bad guy in a virtual world that is always around happy people that don't appreciate him. Actually, maybe I am a bad guy in a virtual world that … Continue reading Glitches
Ben's Bitter Blog 